Speaker 1: 0:00

When you feel like God is keeping something from you. He's normally keeping you for something. God doesn't withhold out of malice and all of these different things, because you didn't do it right, you didn't pray enough, you didn't fast enough. It's like God is saying no, I'm holding you for something else, and you have to trust that whatever he's holding you for is better than what you think he's keeping you from. And you only see that in retrospect. You don't see it in the moment. Yeah, I might have a great day. Don't bring no drama my way. Don't bring no drama my way.

Speaker 2: 0:46

Don't bring no drama my way. What's up everybody. Welcome to another episode of my podcast. I'll Just Let Myself In with your girl, lish Speaks. This is the podcast where we don't wait for an imaginary permission slip or some seated in an imaginary table we walk through our God-given doors. On this podcast, I like to have guests who really have been brave enough right, have had the courage to walk through their God-given doors, have been through some things, have been tested by some things, but have come out on the other side not just refined, but sharing those lessons with other people. And today I have a guest who fits that description perfectly. On my couch today I have someone who is the self-proclaimed cool, saved chick.

Speaker 2: 1:41

Ladies and gentlemen, sade Orr is here. Hi, sade, thank you so much for being here. Oh my gosh, thank you for having me. I'm excited. I'm excited. So, as I was telling you off camera, we met a little over a year ago at the first, uh, black christian influencers awards or black christian influencers conference, bci in atlanta, and I do not remember who it was. We were in a room together and somebody said y'all two need to know each other. That's hilarious. And we briefly met. We followed each other on socials and nothing really came of it. Shout out to you, whoever you are?

Speaker 1: 2:16

I do not remember. It was a man.

Speaker 2: 2:17

I do remember that, but I don't remember who it was. And so this year, when I saw you at the second BCI, I was like, okay, we need to actually connect and we talked about you coming on the podcast and you're here on the couch, so welcome, and I'm here, welcome. Oh, my gosh, man, we have so much to talk about. We do because I feel like you are a lifestyle influencer, you're a health advocate, you own a clothing line, you advocate for other companies, you do media, you do a whole lot of things.

Speaker 1: 2:48

That's so crazy because I don't be thinking I'll be doing a lot until you start listing things you do a lot.

Speaker 2: 2:54

you're also a wife I am, you know and so I really believe that my listeners and viewers can gain so much wisdom from your story, from how you have fought through unexpected trials in your health, how you went from single to married and stayed in purpose, because so many people lose themselves in that transition. So I'm excited. We're going to talk about a few things, but first off, I want to ask you why you decided to brand yourself as the cool, saved chick.

Speaker 1: 3:28

How did I know that's where you were going first? Oh my goodness, Crazy thing, I didn't brand myself that, Really no. So I this was maybe 2010, like after I come home from college and I'm dating myself.

Speaker 2: 3:43

Clearly it doesn't matter, you're young, you know. Yeah, I'm 35 forever I'm 37.

Speaker 1: 3:49

In real life. You know I'm 37 in real life, but I stopped counting at 35.

Speaker 2: 3:54

Let me tell you something. Let me just say something about aging. Please. It is a beautiful thing. First of all, the alternative is death. So there's that death, let's be clear. And then, secondly, it really does get greater later. Everyone that I look up to who are doing really great things right now, they're in their 40s, 50s, some 60s. I look at people like Cheryl Lee Ralph and I'm like yep, that's it, get me together.

Speaker 2: 4:15

To look good, to be in purpose, to be in career, to be at the height, first Emmy Award, first, this that at that age, that's what I want. You can keep the youth, thank you, and the stupid decisions I'm going to let people know my real age and the financial insecurity and all that stuff that we had and I was like. You can keep it, I'm all right. So, yes, don't despise your age, but go ahead. You're right.

Speaker 1: 4:36

You're right, yes, I see you done already got me me together 2010 college. So I started a Bible study. It was with some people who were in the entertainment industry so think programming directors, people who were on labels, different things like that who I met through my job. But God was like calling me to really get back into my word and rededicate my life, and so I started a Bible study and there was a girl who went to my church.

Speaker 1: 5:05

There were a couple of girls who were at my church who I was close with, and one of them her name was Flo and she was a singer on the praise and worship team and she started calling me a cool save chick, because my lifestyle in entertainment was not saved during that part of my life, but I was trying to get back in alignment with what God had me to do, and so she was like you, cool man, you saved, like you, a cool save chick. And it just stuck and I was like, yeah, like I am and it's, it's okay to love God and like fashion and like beauty and want to do all of the things and so long as I'm hearing from the Holy Spirit and being convicted on what is and is not good for me.

Speaker 1: 5:47

I can do that, I love that, so that's good, yeah.

Speaker 2: 5:50

So I've seen you do lives with Tammy Dollar. I've seen you on other people's podcasts, wrote on other things. You seem to be a person who can kind of get in where you fit in without losing yourself, and I think that's so important in this um influencer age. Yeah, because as we've seen over the last I probably even say three to four years, but maybe even five years we've seen the rise of the Christian influencer. We've seen the rise of people toting Christ unashamed, which is a beautiful thing. By whatever means, Christ is being preached. We're grateful.

Speaker 2: 6:34

But, it also lends to. Is this real?

Speaker 1: 6:39

Is it?

Speaker 2: 6:39

a trend and all those things. And I don't know about you, but I get a little defensive sometimes. Talk about it. Everybody want to be a Christian influencer and I'm like please go scroll down my page eight years ago. You'll see me talking about the same stuff. You'll see me going to the same thing, like I tell people all the time I was calling myself a disciple before you know, jackie O'Perry put it on the hat. I've been saying that.

Speaker 2: 7:04

To be clear, I mean like and I think that it's so important that people like you and I are a resource to the younger generation who are coming up. Yeah, because a lot of them are, and I love this. I don't want to sound like a gatekeeper, hater, old head or none of that. I think it's great that you get saved on Sunday, and on Monday you got a camera in your face talking about it. I think that's great, mm-hmm. However, and but also, and, but also.

Speaker 2: 7:33

It does not leave a whole lot of room for your journey to be authentic. It leaves a lot of room for you to be living a double life. It leaves a lot of room for you to be a people pleaser and it leaves a lot of room for you to confuse people, because you're going to make mistakes when you first get saved, but because you've got a camera in your face talking about it and then 20 minutes later, you curse somebody out now it makes your witness look faulty, right, because you're still growing. I said a lot, but what I want to ask you in that is how do you feel about this new crop of spiritual influencers, christian influencers, and what do you feel like you have to offer them?

Speaker 1: 8:19

I think your two-part question. I'll answer the first part first. I think this new crop is very interesting and I think you have some who are far on on the spectrum where they're condemning, and it's a lot of shame, it's a lot of fire and brimstone. I'm like, oh, I remember when I first got saved and I was like that. I remember when I broke up all my cds and threw them out.

Speaker 2: 8:41

Yes, oh I remember when I was wearing my cds. You know what I mean. I remember when I was wearing my Foxy.

Speaker 1: 8:44

Brown CD. You know what I mean. I remember when I was telling my friends I can't go to the Summer Spirit Festival with you because you're not saved and I can only be where Jesus is. Meanwhile Jesus is wherever I go, but to your point, it takes living life to get to that point in your relationship. Yes, and so you have that.

Speaker 1: 9:06

And then you have to your point people who get on and they teach in Bible study and they curse in every five words during Bible study and I feel like with the crop A. I'm happy that Jesus is being preached because if you can catch him he can clean him up. Yep, 100%. But I'm fearful sometimes that people are going to be swayed and get the wrong perception of who God really is for themselves.

Speaker 1: 9:30

There are a lot of people in this new generation. Instagram is their Bible. Instagram is their Sunday sermon. They don't go past scrolling.

Speaker 2: 9:40

Hold on. Instagram is their Bible. Instagram is their Sunday sermon. Yes, yes Continue.

Speaker 1: 9:46

And when we look at the word and it talks about that God has given gifts to the body the prophet, the preacher, the teacher, the apostle, like there are things that were given so that you could live this life that God intended for you to live, and you're not going to find it there, and I think that's the issue that I have is that people don't go past the video. That that's kind of where they stop, and so I think that that's the issue that I have. It's like I'm conflicted because I'm happy that you're getting it or that you're being introduced, but it's also praying, with a hard posture of Lord. I pray that, as they're introduced, that they seek you for themselves, and I feel like the second part of your question is just that.

Speaker 2: 10:30

Wait, wait. What was the second part of the question. What are you doing, or?

Speaker 1: 10:34

what do?

Speaker 2: 10:34

you have to offer them is what I said.

Speaker 1: 10:35

So I maybe, like a year and a half ago, was having a conversation with God just about what is my purpose here, because there were times I was like I could throw all of these apps away, like I don't want to be on none of them.

Speaker 2: 10:48

Yeah, it's been there, girl.

Speaker 1: 10:52

Okay, the money is not money and that good, but it's stress, oh my gosh and I felt like God was very specific in what he said. I was called to, and it's to win people back to Christ who left him by virtue of people in the church or life circumstances, and so what I have to offer is the people who are catching fire of like, oh, this is god. And then someone says something that conflicts with what their spirit is saying, saying like hey, like, don't leave god because of these people. That's what I have to offer. Get to know god for yourself, compelling people to literally like go look up the scripture for yourself, and that's what I have to offer. Um, and then authenticity, like be who god called you to be, no matter what room you're in. Yes, so.

Speaker 2: 11:44

Yeah, nothing can get you through like being who God called you to be Girl.

Speaker 2: 11:48

I think one of the things that I feel like people who have been online for a long time and who've been speaking this way for a long time, whether it was on camera or not there's a part of us that is so steeped in honesty that we find each other. So many people that I meet and who end up coming on the podcast, it's like we've known each other forever because our hearts are the same, our heart posture is the same. That's good. And then when I meet somebody who's not like that, I'm like oh, you don't mean this, you don't really, you're not living. It fooled me, you know.

Speaker 2: 12:27

You know you don't mean that and it's not, you know, in judgment or condemnation it's just an observation like oh, everybody is not sincere or everyone's not at at the place where their heart is sincere in this, and I think for me, one of the things I try to offer offer people is a space where you can give advice and still allow people to make their decision.

Speaker 2: 12:50

Yeah, you know, I love advice, but advice is advice, it's not a command. If advice is a command, you have replaced God for these people and, as a person who has been in leadership in churches and all sorts of groups similar to you, I learned very quickly if someone doesn't have a choice but to do what you say, it's not advice, that's bondage. Yeah, and it was bondage. If there is a consequence for not doing what you say, hello. The only consequence should be from God. I tell leaders all the time if you're giving advice and there's a punishment if they don't do what you say, you're too high. You know what I mean. Let God punish them. If they're not doing what's right. That's not on you to do. It's not on you to take them out of a position or withhold something from them. You gave them advice. They're an adult. You know what I mean and I think that for me, because advice is my brand, I didn't start out that way, but that's what it's become.

Speaker 2: 13:48

And so I try very hard not to sound like a know-it-all, while sharing what I know, because God has graced me to know some things, and there has to be a grace for that. Yes, yes, god has graced me to know some things has to be. So a couple of things. You talked about vulnerability, transparency and you have been that online through some difficult situations. You were that through your singlehood into marriage. Your wedding is on YouTube. I said wait a minute.

Speaker 1: 14:16

Girl. What a time to be alive during a panoramic.

Speaker 2: 14:20

I know and you talked through your health. You know situations where you were talking about how you know your dad needed a kidney transplant and you found out six days later that you needed one and you kind of chronicled that journey online. Some I'm sure you didn't share every waking detail, but you weren't stingy with the details. I wasn't.

Speaker 1: 14:42

I shocked myself at how much I've shared Listen.

Speaker 2: 14:45

I was like this is great because I have, you know, I have some family members who are dealing with some things, and I was like I want to share this with them. And it's so cool because I feel like you gave light to a disease that people don't really talk about. And so talk to us a little bit about polycystic kidney disease, what it is and how you are healing in this season.

Speaker 1: 15:12

So polycystic kidney disease is a hereditary disease and essentially a lot of women deal with PCOS, so I normally liken it to that to help it make sense for people. So imagine you have two kidneys. You're born with two kidneys when you have polycystic kidney disease. When you are born there are microscopic cysts in and on your kidneys that you can't see when you're born. As you grow, the cysts grow Depending on life circumstances. Some people's cysts grow quicker than other people's. Most people who have it, their kidneys tend to fail in their 40s, early 40s, mid 40s, stuff like that. The form that I had was very aggressive. My dad is one of 11 siblings that his father had. Out of the 11 of them, six had it.

Speaker 2: 16:01

Wow.

Speaker 1: 16:02

All six of them have been transplanted at this point, but we never thought that I was going to be the one that would get it. I was the only one who wasn't tested for it. Wow, how many siblings do you have? I have two brothers. Okay, I have a cousin who was also raised in my house like a brother, but they tested the boys, because normally it's the boys, and then it ended up being me. Wow, they tested the boys, because normally it's the boys, and then it ended up being me and I was just like what? Yeah, um, but yes, so that's what? Pk? How did you find out? Oh, I dang. Do we really want to talk about the georgia health care system on this mercy girl?

Speaker 1: 16:37

Um, I in 2016, started having symptoms and you know, not to be super graphic, but initial symptoms were like blood in my urine sporadically, like for a day, and then it would be gone, but it would happen maybe once every four or five months. Um, I went to a doctor. They said it was a uti. I said, oh, okay, it's a uti. I'm like pkd is in my chart. They must have ran the stuff you would think you know, because it's in my chart. So they had to run and it was a UTI, okay, cool.

Speaker 1: 17:10

Three years later I am having migraines to the point where I'm like blacking out Migraines, where the only thing that makes it better is like throwing up, turning off the lights, going to sleep, and started having blood in my urine again. Go to the doctors and I'm like, hey, something's not right. He does the things. Oh, it's a UTI. Happened to be on the phone with my mom at the time, who was a registered nurse for most of my life. She says tell him to run a full renal panel on you. My mama said run a full renal panel on me. He was like I already spun your blood, da-da-da-da-da. I said well, my mama said if you're not going to do it, then you need to put it in my chart.

Speaker 1: 17:48

That you refused and he said okay, I'm going to send you back to the lab. You're going to have to wait a little longer. I said I ain't got it. He opens up the screen, calls in a nurse, says put her in a bus, Her kidneys are failing, but she was going to send me home with a UTI meds, Jesus. And that night I ended up in the hospital and they did all the things ran, all the tests did an ultrasound, which ultimately was like both of your kidneys are covered in cysts. You currently do have PKDkd. We're gonna refer you to a nephrologist. And it was just like what and I mean I think at the time I was barely 30, so for that to happen was it was just, it was earth shattering and then me and my now husband at the time had just finally got to like a good place yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:47

And I, literally I called him to the house. I said if you're going to leave me, leave me now. Leave me now, Okay, If you don't want to do this, just don't even don't play with me. Just leave me now. Yeah, yeah. And he proposed A month and a half later.

Speaker 2: 19:00

Come on, husband, okay, let me tell you a man is a man Is a man, a man is a man. And if you don't understand that you ain't with a man. I'm going to leave that right there, okay, because if you can't stick around when it's tough, you can't lead me. How can you lead me if you can't stick around when it's tough? So shout outs to your husband, and he went on to save your life as you put in one of your videos he did.

Speaker 2: 19:30

Tell me a little bit. You know you don't have to go into extreme detail if you don't want to, but just about the process of that and how that it has to bring you closer Girl.

Speaker 1: 19:38

I mean, I don't think you can get no closer than that, like you gave me literally like a part of yourself, which is crazy. It blows my mind every time I think about it and it makes me so grateful to God, Like I tell people all the time. Well, maybe not publicly.

Speaker 2: 19:55

This might be the first fully public podcast that I've actually shared this on.

Speaker 1: 20:01

But I was engaged twice before my husband. My second failed engagement was one of the things that caused me to move to Atlanta. Like it was such a public relationship it was intertwined into, like my church life and my work life and all of the things that I threw my Instagram away Because back then you couldn't deactivate it.

Speaker 2: 20:19

You just had to delete it, okay.

Speaker 1: 20:21

Wow, deactivated my Facebook and I was like Lord, lord, where do I need to be? Something ain't right? And god kept saying atlanta. And I was like atlanta, bless god, um. But I look back and I'm like if I only would have known then, when I was in my mama's basement crying my eyes out because it's like what again?

Speaker 1: 20:41

yeah, I, I got engaged again. I got to tell people I'm not getting married again. Oof, that's tough Lord. Why are you doing me like this? Yeah, I'm checking all of your boxes, and that a reminder too. God don't bless you for checking boxes.

Speaker 2: 20:56

That part obedience is unto him. Okay, it's not for you to get a reward.

Speaker 1: 21:00

Girl and that process of finding out he was a match, literally like going into the hospital together, um, going to sleep and waking up and being wheeled into his room and just being like yo, like we really did this, yes, was mind-blowing, mind-blowing.

Speaker 2: 21:23

The level of love that you must have felt from him to be willing to desire to like. I think it's so and this is. You know, I give a lot of advice to single women and I try not to cause. I don't want to be those one of those women who like just got married 10 minutes ago and like trying to tell you everything, but when I tell you, waiting on the Lord, there is nothing because you don't know. When you're going through those breakups, when those men that you want don't seemingly want you, or when you're getting friend zoned or whatever. That was my testimony, right? I was. I was always the home girl who like, oh man, yo, whoever marries you, going to be so lucky.

Speaker 2: 22:02

But you don't like me you know what I mean, or you know. It was always a situation for me where I felt like I would realize very quickly if somebody wasn't for me, and then I would have to just be like yeah, you ain't it, you know what I mean. Or they would be like hey, I like you, but I know I ain't it and I won't say that. You know, I know I ain't going to be what you deserve.

Speaker 1: 22:26

That was the first person I was supposed to marry, which I respect that Right.

Speaker 2: 22:30

I used to say Be honest, yeah, men, leave me alone. Boy, they be like you know what. You're great, I ain't going to do you like that. I had one guy tell me I have enough to talk to God about when I get to the gates. I don't want to have to talk to him about doing you wrong. Ain't that a crazy thing to say to somebody? But I respect that. I respect it and I used to feel a way like dang, like nobody chose, but I feel like there was a fear, like there was a spiritual fear, wow.

Speaker 2: 22:57

But when I met my husband, when I was being courted by my husband, when I married my husband and we started to build a life together, when I tell you, it made so much sense because there are things that you don't even know. To pray for, girl, you didn't pray for a kidney match. I didn't know I needed one. You didn't know you needed one. Like we didn't pray, I'll tell single women all the time there are things that you don't even know that you need. I didn't know that I needed, um, a man who never makes me feel dumb, ever, even when I do dumb things, like never be like yo. Why would you do that? Yo, you lost your wallet. Yeah you, I didn't know I needed that. I didn't even know to pray for that.

Speaker 2: 23:39

Every guy was looking for my husband was very, um, aggressive. I mean, he was was from up north, so was he, though he's from Brooklyn. You know what? My husband is stern, but very loving. Wow, even when he corrects me, there is a sense of you're brilliant, you just got that wrong, not you're stupid. And how could you do that? I didn't know to pray for that, and there are things that will happen in our future. You know I just, by the time this comes out, everybody will know I lost a very close person to me yesterday, a mentor, a friend.

Speaker 1: 24:16

I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 24:18

And um um and her husband, who was also a mentor and close friend. They did our premarital counseling very close to them. I lived with them. My lease ended two months before we got married, so we weren't living together so they were like you can just, you can, come live with us until y'all get married so very close to them, spent my night before my wedding in their guest room. Wow, I'm going to try not to get emotional.

Speaker 2: 24:46

It's okay, if you do what I realized is watching him love her so deeply through this season. Um, she had cancer and she passed very quickly, like from diagnosis to passing. It was like six months, less than. Wow. Um, god knew they. She didn't know that she would need a spouse, but God knew. And God knows our future. He knows what's going to happen in your life in 10, 15, 20 years. And so if you're going through a breakup right now, if you're breaking off an engagement right now and you feel like, oh, it's the end of the world, please understand, god sees the future. He loves you too much to let you settle with not necessarily settle for, because it doesn't mean the person is a terrible person. Oh my gosh, I say that all the time. Settle with someone who's not for you, so I just yeah.

Speaker 1: 25:39

I tell my single friends all of the time that when you feel like God is keeping something from you, he's normally keeping you for something. God doesn't withhold out of malice and all of these different things because you didn't do it right, you didn't pray enough, you didn't fast enough. It's like God is saying no, I'm holding you for something else and you have to trust that whatever he's holding you for is better than what you think he's keeping you from. And you only see that in retrospect. You don't see it in the moment.

Speaker 2: 26:16

Yeah, so you can only see it. You know behind the situation. Yes, I also think it's so important to remember that when you're praying to God, he has a few answers. One is yes. Sometimes that's an immediate yes. One is not right now, and the other one is I have something better in mind. It's not no. Yeah, it's no because I have something better in mind, you know. And just to remember that, when you're praying for things and things don't look like they're going your way, they are actually going your way.

Speaker 1: 26:52

Listen what doesn't work out for you really works out for you.

Speaker 2: 26:54

Truly, truly, truly. You talked about in an interview with someone how, when you need to see the hand of God, when you feel like things are not going right, you often go back and read old journals. You go back and read old journals to remember what God has done, what's something that you've written in a journal about or something that you've experienced that just brings you back to God is able.

Speaker 1: 27:23

It's so funny. I think that one of the things and we kind of touched on it is my dad. Um, me and my dad are very close. I call my dad my favorite person. My mama hates that.

Speaker 2: 27:36

Yeah, but.

Speaker 1: 27:47

I can't remember a time where my dad was not supportive. Even if he don't understand, he'd be like you're going to do that, ok, I'll watch that, you know. And when he got sick, it was like earth shattering and my dad, he got a transplant initially, like when his kidneys were initially failing, and then he was on dialysis for 10 years. And you know, people don't you can live on dialysis for a very long time, but it's just not. It's not a good situation to be in. And he was having complications, all of the different things. And there were moments where I really thought I was going to lose my dad and I remember writing in my journal saying Lord, you know, I just want to see my dad walk me down the aisle. Like Lord, please, like just different things, like scriptures that I would write, and I would write the same scriptures like every day. Like Lord, buy, lord, buy your stripes.

Speaker 2: 28:46

Even small.

Speaker 1: 28:47

It's like this is all I know to say at this point and, in retrospect, to look back and be like dang God, you really did that. You really snatched him from death when doctors said it was impossible for him to get another kidney. And look what you did. You know what I mean, and so I think that's one thing that I look back on and I'm just like dang God, you really did that. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:07

Yeah, the longevity of a relationship with God is so. It's such a gift because you can look back and just see the situations. I can literally look back at things I prayed for and say, wow, you did that or thank you for not doing that. I thought that that was what I needed and I'm so glad you said no Girl, you know what Lish as.

Speaker 1: 29:29

I was. What's in my spirit right now is to share something else from my journal. The Lord was like that ain't what I told you to say and I'm like, dang, what are we doing on this couch right now? One of the things in my journal and I'll never forget it's a pink journal. I got it the week that I moved to Atlanta, because I hated Atlanta Really, Girl. Why it was hot? It was it was too much. It was August. Oof, yeah, it was. You moved in the belly of the beast. Oh my gosh. I lived on Old National when I first moved here, when the hood?

Speaker 1: 29:59

where the hood, where the hood at Listen, I was just like Lord, why did I do this? I moved down here with everything I could fit in my car and I couldn't go back home and tell them people I was wrong. I had to Been wrong about enough, got to be right about this one. I had to grin and bear it, okay Because. But bought that journal because I was like I'm about to lose my mind. I need to talk to the Lord. Yeah, and throughout the years when I started dating my husband I know you talk about like your love story with your husband, how beautiful that was. Me and my husband's dating history was so rocky. And it started off rocky because the way I met my husband he was my supervisor when I met him and we worked at a church, okay, and we didn't really mesh well initially. We didn't. I got to be honest.

Speaker 2: 30:49

Is he similar to you Like?

Speaker 1: 30:50

is he like no, he is the polar opposite Very quiet, very reserved, same In a corner, no fanfare.

Speaker 2: 30:58

Why do loud crazy girls always get the quiet? Because we need it.

Speaker 1: 31:03

And I was dating men who were like me. Oh, me too. I want you to be the loudest one in the room. I need you to go toe-to-toe with me. I need you to be. I want you to be I want me, but taller bigger, stronger, you know, and polar opposites, Super strategic.

Speaker 1: 31:20

Before he makes a decision, it has to be yes. Meanwhile, god tell me jump, I'm be like, all right, let's go. And God was like wait a minute. I didn't even tell you which side to jump. Yes, so that's, that's, that's how that was. It wasn't until I ended up moving to like a different department or whatever. He tried to hook me up with a friend of his and that didn't work out. But we became like the best of friends. I mean like my homie. I mean we were talking about. I would tell him we were talking about. I would tell him about people I was talking to and he would tell him about people he was talking to like my homie. And so when we started dating or was like okay, let's pursue something, cause clearly I think we like each other, it was so bad and I remember writing in my journal saying God, I feel something that I've never felt before, but this don't look like it, don't feel like what I think it should look and feel like Fix it, help me.

Speaker 1: 32:20

And I remember reading things in my journal that I used to write, where I would be like Lord, like remove the feelings Like I don't even want to. We would break, we would be on and off and on and on Remove the feelings Like I don't, I don't even want to like this man no more and God would speak to me and I would write.

Speaker 1: 32:39

The Lord is saying give him grace. The Lord is saying pray this over his life. The Lord is saying pray over his life. The Lord is saying pray for his friends. The Lord is that like and literally like looking at prayers for his closest friend group, looking at prayers over, um, his job and his thought process and different things like that, and watching those things come to pass, I tell people they ask me like how did you know your husband was the one? And it's not some big, deep, fluffy answer. It's like I knew my husband was the one. And it's not some big, deep, fluffy answer. It's like I knew my husband was the one because he was the only man that, when I was trying to leave, god was telling me to stay.

Speaker 1: 33:15

Every other man God had been saying no leave him and I'm like begging to stay, Like, please, Lord like this makes sense and God is like no. Lord like this makes sense and God is like no. He was the only one where, when I felt like in my eyes. It's enough for me. God was like you don't need you, don't. You don't know now what I am doing? Yeah, but you will. And I tell people my marriage has been heaven on earth. Yeah, heaven on earth. Yeah, I can't. They'd be like how's your marriage, how's life, how's your marriage? It's the best thing.

Speaker 2: 33:52

I've got going.

Speaker 1: 33:54

Yes, and it doesn't look like what dating looked like, but, bless God, the things that were in that journal, the prayers that God had me praying over myself, because I clearly needed healing too, and over him. This is the harvest of what was in that journal.

Speaker 2: 34:12

That's amazing. That's amazing when you think about dating Sade, when you think about the girl who you know is praying in this journal about this man who needed some healing of her own. What were some of the things that you needed to change, that you needed to work on? Because I have a lot of single listeners and, as women, we always think the man is the problem, and sometimes the man do be the problem.

Speaker 1: 34:38

Girl.

Speaker 2: 34:38

Sometimes, very much sometimes. But there's often times where there are parts of us that we need to work on and we need to heal to be what he needs or what a man would need, even if it's not this man, right, what your next man would need. So what?

Speaker 1: 34:55

are some of the things you had to work on in changing your character. I think a big one was not being willing to be, not affectionate, but affirming in my relationships out of fear that by affirming you I'm giving you my power, because when I've affirmed men in the past, they've left or it's not gone right. And so that was one of the things. From a character standpoint, I was a woman who was like I need a man to feel validated, and I think a lot of women go through that. It's like if I'm alone, like am I worthy? If I'm nobody's first choice, do I mean something, if no one's chosen me yet? And it's like God's chosen you. And I think for a long period of time that's what God was trying to get me to see. Like you're okay. And I feel like God showed me my husband was my husband and then was like and now leave him alone? I was like, no, that don't make no sense. But he was like leave him alone.

Speaker 1: 35:54

I remember a time where God was like y'all don't, y'all are never going to. You shouldn't even be in a relationship. This is your husband. Like he ain't even supposed to be your boyfriend, and I was like how is that, even going to work, and in retrospect it's like if I would have listened to the things that God was saying, I would have saved myself. Yeah, a lot of the rifts that we went through. But, you know, needing closure and not admitting that I needed closure from past relationships. I think a lot of women go through that, this idea that your man has to be the type of man who does all the things that your daddy did and it's like your husband, not your daddy In both ways, because there are women who have daddy issues on the other spectrum.

Speaker 2: 36:35

So I didn't say it a lot child, no, no, no. I love that. That's good, that's helpful, and I think too, for me learning that there are things you think are law that you made up. Who said that?

Speaker 1: 36:52

Mine was you got to put gas in my car.

Speaker 2: 36:53

Yeah, I think mine was. I wanted a thug Girl, I wanted somebody that knock everybody out. I wanted that too and had it, and I've had that.

Speaker 1: 37:02

We saw how that worked out for us Right.

Speaker 2: 37:05

And I think for me, I had to realize who taught you that, Because the funny thing is, my father is not even like that. My father was in law enforcement. What? So I mean? Well, yeah, he would not question that, but also not aggressive. My father is a problem solver.

Speaker 2: 37:22

OK, same he goes to logic and, speaking first, he will knock you out if he must. Okay, yes, right, very true, because when you're in that profession you can't just be in a. You know, you can arrest somebody, but you can't just knock a stranger out because they did something. You don't like. Like. A lot of power under restraint is what I saw growing up, but I don't know you wanted the power.

Speaker 1: 37:46

love your honesty.

Speaker 2: 37:46

Yeah, yeah, I just wanted hood, I just wanted hood, and I wanted hood and holy and also be a CEO and be rich. Yes, and also all the things that don't make no sense together is what I wanted, right? When I met my husband, I realized oh, you have to grow up, you're immature, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 38:01

There, you know what I mean. There are things that you are looking for in a man that don't go together, because where you want your man to be one financially but two in his career, that doesn't go with a person who gets angry and punches the wall. Exactly that doesn't go with a person who just goes on the-. You talking good. You talk about how your husband has to have a plan and a methodical. That is my husband. You know what I mean. Men who lose their cool are emotional, erratic, often financially unstable, often emotionally unavailable. And my husband taught me this One time. He was doing something and he said, because he used to say I love toxic masculinity, that was his thing. And he said he was doing something for me. And he said see a man that engages in. That was it. He was doing something for me. He said see a man that that engages in toxic masculinity wouldn't be doing this for you right now. And I was like, and I girl and it, but I loved his and I wanted to argue.

Speaker 1: 38:59

I had to unlearn that like I need excitement. You know it's been too long. We argued in about three months what can I argue about today? And it's like no, what is wrong with you? Why do you want? Yeah, and it's like I had to. To your point, I was going the other route, but no, yes, I needed to unlearn those things.

Speaker 2: 39:17

I need to unlearn a lot of things, you know.

Speaker 1: 39:18

I've shown this on the podcast before.

Speaker 2: 39:19

But my husband used to say, said to me he only had to say it one time actually, but he said to me when we were dating. He said you state your opinion like it's a fact and that's not gonna work for me and I was like girl. He said that's not gonna work for me, you know, and I think it is just so. God sends you the person you need to be, who you need to be for him.

Speaker 1: 39:43

I tell people, all the time.

Speaker 2: 39:44

Marriage is about you making it to heaven. If he allows to get married, it's because that's what you needed to make it to heaven. If he allows you to stay single, it's because that's what you needed to make it to heaven. If he allows you to go through divorce or losing a spouse, his whole, god's whole thing is for you to make it to him. Yes, whatever your carnal body needs for your spirit to make it to him is what he will allow. That's difficult to accept, especially when you're single at 35, 40 and everybody else is married and you're like Lord, what the heck?

Speaker 1: 40:17

what is?

Speaker 2: 40:17

going on, especially when you do it right. You know again. You know I was a virgin when I got married. My boyfriends before my husband we didn't even kiss. You know what I meanfriends before my husband we didn't even kiss. Listen, you know what I mean. Like it was real my second engagement. There was nothing we wasn't doing nothing.

Speaker 1: 40:33

We ain't church four days a week, we ain't had the sex, and I will never forget one of my very first. You talking about like scroll down my page, girl. We talking about 12, 13 years ago. One of the first things that god had me to put on the internet, which is wild, is a ring. Is not a trophy for keeping your legs closed, because if it, was, a lot of people would have one.

Speaker 2: 40:58

A lot of people have one.

Speaker 1: 40:59

It's true and they'd have it earlier, and you think that he's passing things out based on your good behavior and it's like god is good to you because he is good. Yes, not because you are good, because you can never be good enough to receive what God has for you Filthy rags.

Speaker 2: 41:12

Yes.

Speaker 1: 41:13

And everything he did, he did for you before you had a chance to be good that part. So make it, make sense.

Speaker 2: 41:18

Yes, I had Brenda Palmer on the podcast a couple of weeks ago and she said something I thought was so good in her book. She has a book out called the Journey of yes. Check it out. Y'all Brenda Palmer. But she was talking about how obedience is not obedience, it's for a reward Girl.

Speaker 2: 41:34

Because you're only being obedient for a reward, then it's not obedience, this is a transaction. And it convicted me because I think even in this space of influencing of us, you know putting out content you can feel like. But God, I'm doing this for you. You let the girl twerking go viral. You let the girl eating a dog on seafood boil on ASMR go viral. The mukbangs like I'm over here teaching about you and I got a hundred views.

Speaker 2: 41:59

you know, and I think it's important to remember that the obedience is in doing what he said and the reward is in that that you did what he said, what he said.

Speaker 1: 42:10

And can that be enough for you?

Speaker 2: 42:12

It must, it must be enough. All right, let's talk about really quick the things that you're doing in the world, right?

Speaker 1: 42:20

The world is crazy.

Speaker 2: 42:21

Girl. Well, you got a clothing line called Propel. You got it on. Right now I do Tell the world a little bit about it.

Speaker 1: 42:29

You got a clothing line called Propelled. You got it on. Right now I do Tell the world a little bit about it. So the way that I started kind of growing on social media was I would do videos and then I would literally like point to a scripture and in a minute break the scripture down and the comments that some people would say is that, do I really say that? Like, let me go read that. And I started the clothing line because I realized, you know, like we were talking earlier, people only ingest sound bites. They don't go and read it for themselves.

Speaker 1: 42:51

and so when you put a slow than like saying my prayers and minding my business on a shirt with a scripture, people are like, let me go see that scripture says let me go see what it says, and it literally say in there, as I have told you before, work with your own hands minding your own business, yeah, and they were like, oh my god, it's in there and I'm like it's all in there, yeah, and it's like literally compelled, compelling people to know the word for themselves, one scripture at a time yeah because if I can get you in the book, yeah, the Lord can do the transforming work. Yeah, he can renew your mind.

Speaker 2: 43:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah so I love that and you have a background in media radio you worked for at one point. Yes, uh, kind of run of show and entertainment entertainment and all those different things. And so when you think about, you know what you're doing right now for yourself. Um, how does that play into what you want to do on a grand scale for companies, for brands Wow, for conferences? Baby, you're hilarious.

Speaker 1: 43:58

I from a young age. I've loved entertainment. I was a kid with a boom box. Is it the double D batteries in the back? Yep, walking around recording stuff off the radio.

Speaker 2: 44:07

Come on.

Speaker 1: 44:07

DMV Girl Telling people I'm on the radio. I'm on the radio and I was, and I fell in love with concert production. I fell in love with marketing and storytelling and all of the things, and I think it all feeds into what I do now. And, you know, post-kidney transplant, I feel like I'm finding my footing, like I'm like, okay, lord, for almost 10 years my life has been about getting healthy, getting a kidney, and now it's like, okay, what are we doing now? And so it's like I'm really starting to like go into business for myself, to do content creation for other people, to do marketing for other people. Getting back into doing events for brands which still blows my mind to this day, because I'm like I'm just a girl who is clearly called to preach the gospel, but I love beauty and fashion, so if you invite me into those rooms, great, but I'm probably going to mention Jesus, yeah, so just over there.

Speaker 2: 44:57

How does that work for you when you're in these spaces with brands who may not be Christian brands, but you're kind of un, not kind of. You're unapologetically who you are. Yeah, you don't harp on it, but if it comes out, you don't hide it, right? How does that work for you?

Speaker 1: 45:12

I think that you know full transparency. There's some rooms where I second guess myself. There are rooms where I feel like am I qualified to be here? Am I supposed to be here? Do I fit in with these people? And sometimes the answer is no. Do I fit in with these people? And sometimes the answer is no and God is like but you're in the room for a reason. And I never forget I did a brand campaign with was it Otterbox? I think it was Otterbox and I had done some content and I submitted it for approval and they said can you actually add a face component? Your audience really loves it when you do X, y and Z with your face components and I was so shocked and I was so shocked.

Speaker 2: 45:47

Yeah. And I was like Let me put out a box on my arm. Girl Brands still reach out to do. They still have products out.

Speaker 1: 45:53

They do. They have like phone cases and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was just like I was taken aback because I was like dang, like there are brands that want to work with me because of who I am, not, in spite of who I am, and I think that that's important for people to know that you don't have to hide who you are, that if a person wants you, they want all of you and that's okay.

Speaker 2: 46:16

I love that. What are your dream collabs Brands? You want to work with Brands that you can see yourself elevating right. Could be new brands that we don't know about yet, but like what are some of the people you want to work with?

Speaker 1: 46:25

Girl, I've never even thought about that. You about to make me come up with a list? No, okay, I'm about to give you a game.

Speaker 2: 46:32

I have a dream list of brands I want to work with and people I want to interview Really.

Speaker 1: 46:37

And I've seen.

Speaker 2: 46:38

God, check these like literally I've, if it's in your mind and I go back and read it often and I just say, lord, bring these, bring these things into my life, you know. So, create a dream list.

Speaker 1: 46:50

I got that from Steve Harvey Cause I was like, when you asked me, I was like dang, who would be on my list?

Speaker 2: 46:55

Yeah, and shout out to my homegirl Jory, one of my friends. She was like you're on my dream list and I was like what? And she was like, yeah, you don't have a dream list. And I was like, not really. I mean, I have one in my head. She was like write it down. And so I wrote it down. So shout out to you, jory. Look at you, hit me on game.

Speaker 1: 47:28

But off the top of your head. Just if you could think of a few brands who you feel um. So New Balance for sure, because DMV I mean when everybody started wearing New Balances, I was very upset. Yeah, new York has been wearing New Balance for a long time. I grew up wearing New Balance. I tell people all the time because New York, dc places like that when you went to school you didn't have a school bus like there is no walking yeah correct, like you are on the train and I said so the first day of school.

Speaker 1: 47:42

You had your fresh pair of 993s and then your school clothes. Like those were school shoes. I was like. So to see, new Balance is becoming $300. It's just like these were $65.

Speaker 2: 47:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:55

Who do you think you are? Yeah, but still work with me. Work with me, but New Balance, because I love me some New Balances. Tatcha, which is a skincare brand which I use faithfully.

Speaker 2: 48:09

You have amazing skin, by the way, I can't tell you I hope the cameras are picking it up the skin is skinny, oh.

Speaker 1: 48:15

I love it. So Tatcha, tatcha from a clothing standpoint it's crazy because I feel like I shop everywhere, but I would love to work with like a Banana Republic or something like that. I, but I would love to work with like a Banana Republic or something like that. I would absolutely love that. Macy's, macy's Style Crew, all of those things, those would be at the top of my list, okay.

Speaker 2: 48:34

Well, now we know what to pray for. I think that would be really great.

Speaker 2: 48:37

I have a couple more questions for you and then we have one that we end with for everybody, but I wanted to ask you this Someone had asked you in an interview what advice you would give to up and coming influencers who want to be faith based, want to be Christian influencers, but are afraid to like get on camera. Maybe they don't like their voice and they don't like their clothes. And the answer you gave was so profound. I loved it. You said I would tell them start with the camera off, right influence with the camera off, get into your local group, start a Bible study. You know these are things that we did because social media wasn't what it is now, when we were doing this, when we were going to church four times a week and we were turning next in the summer, right, and you know couldn't wear sleeveless shirts because that would make the brothers stumble and you know your collarbone couldn't be out.

Speaker 1: 49:33

What a silly time I'm like if my collarbone makes you stumble. Bro, you got different problems.

Speaker 2: 49:36

Yes, but I digress. I thought that was profound advice because we are living in a world, for better or worse, where there is no camera off. I realize that and I talk about this all the time. You know, we were adults before social media came to be. We were, you know, we were at least in college, because you had to have a college email address to get on Facebook. Yeah, and then, even then, it was something that you got on your computer. Then you closed your laptop and you went and lived your life and you came back and uploaded things too Correct Because all we had was Snake on that Nokia Right, it wasn't on your phone.

Speaker 2: 50:12

You weren't doing that. You know, I think in high school there was Skonex.

Speaker 1: 50:16

I don't know if you remember.

Speaker 2: 50:17

Skonex. But there was an app called Skonex in New York City, but even that it wasn't on your phone, you know, it was on a computer that you had to go to and you had to leave it somewhere. That part so there was an off-camera component of our lives because we didn't carry a camera around with us. There is no off-camera component. You can be on camera whenever you want now. Yeah, and so when you tell creators and they don't have to be young, they could be somebody who's starting out and wants to do social media in their 40s, 50s yeah, to do things off-camera in a world where there's always an opportunity to be on camera Practically, what does that look like for them?

Speaker 1: 51:00

I think practically what it looks like is and I mean, I still practice this to this day Some days don't open the app, Practically, Yep. Some days, read your Bible to read your Bible and not put it in your Insta stories, and then sit with God and say Lord, what are you saying to me through what I'm reading today? Lord, who do you want me to pray for today? Lord, place somebody on my heart who needs something from you today and when he does, reach out to that person directly and have a conversation with them. Have a conversation with somebody in your household about what you read today. Practically, that's what it looks like. Can you practice having a relationship with God if nobody else sees it? And the thing is, if your relationship with God only matters if other people can see that you have it.

Speaker 2: 51:50

What kind?

Speaker 1: 51:51

of relationship is that.

Speaker 2: 51:52

Yep, absolutely, so Absolutely. And I would just add to that I'm a big proponent of this. I say it every chance I get Be a part of a local church.

Speaker 1: 52:01

Yes.

Speaker 2: 52:02

You'd be surprised how many people don't go to church.

Speaker 1: 52:04

I told you to.

Speaker 2: 52:05

Instagram and let me tell you, I get it because churches be doing a number on us if you've been a part of a church for a year or so you got some church hurt.

Speaker 2: 52:15

Not, it don't take long. Okay, churches be doing a number, leadership be doing a number. I get it. Yeah, but find a place where you can serve and be served. Find a place where nobody cares about what you do on the internet. Find a place where they don't know your name. Find a place because there is something so humbling about being home. I say this all the time. You could be the biggest star in the world. You go home, you gotta take the trash out you go home, your mama don't care.

Speaker 2: 52:44

Yeah, you gotta clear your own plate. Nobody's waiting on you hand and foot. You know you could have just come from a world tour fine, flying private and everybody waiting. You go home, you got to make your own bed, you got to scrub your own toilet, and so that's how I look at the local church. I look at it as a home base for people, and you know, remember that the Lord rewards some things done in secret.

Speaker 2: 53:09

There's a reason that the Bible says things like don't let your right, your left hand know what your right hand is doing. And there's a reason that the Bible says things like when you pray, pray in private. You know, for those who who do things publicly have already received their reward. You know, there's a reason that some things just need to be done in secret, and I think that there's a way that I think I know because so many influencers do it. There is a way to make people feel like they're very involved in your life, correct, without them being very involved in your day to day life. It's something that I do. There's so many things that I do that just will never make it to the internet.

Speaker 2: 53:44

It's not for the internet you know, and that's not just with spiritual things.

Speaker 2: 53:48

That's what my family you know, that's what you know. You may, I may, do a little. I'm with my cousins, I'm with mama, but I'm not filming the entire time. I'm with them. You know what I mean, because there are some things that are just sacred, some things you got to have for you, and some things you film that just never make it because you just want it for memories. Know, we ask a question here to end off our show, and that question is in the grand scheme of things, what do you want your legacy to be?

Speaker 1: 54:17

In the grand scheme of things, I want my legacy to be good question that even when life threw me the hardest curveballs, it was God who caught them for me and that, in the face of opposition, he literally like, carried me through. I think I want that to be my legacy, that and the fact that what I want to leave behind is people who encountered God because I wasn't afraid to be honest about who he was to me, and I think that's probably why I'm so transparent, so that my legacy can be I didn't keep what he did to myself, that I literally overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of my testimony.

Speaker 2: 55:20

Yeah, so that's incredible, that's so good and you're well on your way. So that legacy, I think it is beautiful to see someone who could very well be using your gifts, talents, looks, personality, all that stuff for your own gain to say no. I'm going to use this to the glory of God, and so I want to give you your flowers for that. There is so much that I learned from just looking at your Instagram, knowing that you actually deleted your social media from before it started over and you got into where you are is really cool as well, because you just know how to build a brand clearly.

Speaker 2: 55:56

You are hilarious and I want to really encourage everybody listening, you know, take a moment to take stock of what God has allowed in your life and, with wisdom, with discernment, figure out how to use that to encourage the people around you to see his hand in your life. I love what you shared about, you know, potentially leading people to Christ because you weren't afraid to show what he did in your life.

Speaker 2: 56:23

I think it's already gone really far and that's going to continue to grow. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Absolutely Anything. You want your audience or my audience to know. Tell them where to find you, where to follow you, anything you got coming up.

Speaker 1: 56:35

Absolutely. You can follow me at Sharday Orr on all of the things I just recently got on TikTok, which is crazy. So Sharday Orr there, sharday Orr on Instagram, sharday Orr on YouTube, and please shop compelled C-M-P-L-D dotcom so that you can know the word for yourself, one scripture at a time.

Speaker 2: 56:55

I love that. Know the word for yourself, one scripture at a time. Listen, this has been another episode of the podcast. I'll just let myself in. Y'all know what it is.

Speaker 2: 57:04

This is the podcast where we don't wait for an imaginary permission slip or a seat at an imaginary table. Like Sade, we let ourselves in right, we let ourselves into our God-given doors, and my prayer for you is that if this episode encouraged you in any way, you would one share it with somebody who you think could benefit from it as well. I would love to hear what you think. So, in the comments, in the review section of wherever you watch this podcast, let us know how you felt about it. If you watched us on my YouTube, lish Speaks, thank you so much for being here. Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. If you're watching us on Holy Culture's YouTube, thank you for being there. If you're listening on Holy Culture Radio Sirius XM channel 148 PM Eastern Standard Time, monday nights, thank you so much for listening there, and we'll be back. Same time, time, same place, letting ourselves in next week. See you then, peace.