Speaker 1: 0:00

I know the cost of disobedience and I don't want to live in that anymore. And so when people are like, well, how are you so obedient, how am I not?

Speaker 2: 0:08

You know people give Philip Anthony Mitchell a whole lot of like oh he hard. You was the first one.

Speaker 1: 0:15

Philip is my brother. That's why his quote is on the top of this book. I'm an executor, so I'm like, okay, I got to do this, I got to do this, I gotta do this, I need to, I need to get this person on the team. I need to get this person on the team. And he's like, hey, hey, hey, what are we after? And I said that's a good question, let me come back. Something I say which I feel like is the message of the book, is that obedience is not about what you get on the other side of it, it's about the God you meet. And I said, and I recognized why God didn't allow me to do certain things.

Speaker 2: 1:13

What's up everybody. It's your girl Lish Speaks, and I am back for another episode of. I'll Just Let Myself In the podcast, where we don't wait for imaginary permission slips or some seat at some imaginary table. We let ourselves in and walk through our God-given doors. Listen, when God has put something on your heart for you to do, when he has told you something, he has given you a mandate, all you have to do is walk through the door he's told you to walk through, and that's what we talk about here at this podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:34

I have an amazingly special guest with me today. She is a podcaster herself. She is an online voice. I wouldn't even call her just an influencer. She is a voice online for the kingdom of God. She is a behind the scenes director, a person who does sound, a person who does tech all the things. And now she is adding to all the beautiful things. She's a preacher. How can I forget that? Lord have mercy, If you've ever been in a room with this lady? All the things. And now she's adding to all the beautiful things. She's a preacher. How can I forget that? Lord have mercy? If you've ever been in a room with this lady? She's going to tell you what the word? What? Thus saith the Lord, but she's adding to the many things that she does the title of author with her book the Journey of yes the Everyday Adventure of Radical Obedience. Welcome to the podcast, everyone, Brenda Palmer. Yes, Thank you. I can't believe I was about to leave Preacher off, though you know it's okay, that's the one.

Speaker 2: 2:35

We're going to talk way more about all that you have going on coming up with the book. Before we do that, though, I have the best segment in podcasting. It's called what I'm Stepping In, and it's where I share with my audience the sneakers that I have on for today. Brenda's going to join me.

Speaker 1: 2:49

Not all guests join me, so she's a real one.

Speaker 2: 2:51

She's going to join me on this, but I'll go first. I have on the Asia Wilson ones in white. I love this shoe, new shoe for Asia Wilson, top score in WNBA, all the WNBA things. And I love the white one because it just reminded me of summer. It made me feel good, comfortable shoe. It is a narrow shoe so you might want to size up because my feet are kind of slim.

Speaker 1: 3:15

Ooh, I'm narrow though You're narrow, it looks like a wide shoe?

Speaker 2: 3:17

It's not.

Speaker 1: 3:18

It probably looks wide because it's on my foot, but no, no, no, even in the store, because I was like because I have little ankles, yeah, so I'm like, hmm.

Speaker 2: 3:24

No, it's narrow. It's narrow on the top, so I would probably do a half a size up if you're going to get them, but I love them. I do plan on getting every color. Come on, I love them. First of all, the resale prices is exactly what I like to say here. If you like and go get you some brenda, tell the people what you got on. Yes, I got on the adidas samoa.

Speaker 1: 3:55

Yes, it's the orange pair. This is actually my journey of yes shoe, because I got the little orange in my book, so I always buy sneakers to commemorate moments, so it's my journey of yes Sneakers.

Speaker 2: 4:06

The journey of yes Sneakers. Listen For sure. Y'all see what we stepping in today. If you like them, go get you some yes. So, brenda, first of all, welcome to the couch. Thank you for having me. Welcome to my home. I'm honored to be here. Oh, my goodness, we met about a year ago and we met online, but we met in person about a year ago and I was sharing with you earlier, refreshing your memory, on some advice that you had given me, and I just want to tell y'all exactly who y'all see online. That's who she is Like. I asked her for advice on something very personal and she just shot straight with me like and it was honesty, it was bible. Like it wasn't just here's my opinion, she went to the word and then she was like this is my experience and so you have that. You do this in your content as well. It's three tiers at least three tiers sometimes more than that.

Speaker 2: 5:05

But where you make it personal, you talk about your own experience, right, you go to the bible, you use the word and then you keep it very real with people about what their response to his word should be not to what you're saying, for sure, but to his word should be. How does that show up in the book?

Speaker 1: 5:21

it's literally like that when you were were saying that. I was like dang, I didn't realize that's my vibe, that's your vibe. That's how the book is. It will definitely be some personal stories, but I always tie in scripture. I'm a storyteller by trade. I love the art of storytelling, and so I pull out stories in the Bible that I feel aligned or have helped me on my own personal journey. And then every chapter is with questions to draw you into your own journey, Like what is God asking you to do? Why haven't you done it? What are you afraid of? Like I don't. I think writing a book about obedience can be. It could have been very like theology heavy. Like I could have gave you a lot of like. Here's what the word says, but I'm like okay, but what do people do with that? Yeah, so here's like what it has meant for me to be obedient and to surrender. Here's how I've, like, wrote it out. But also don't just be like oh, that's cute what are you now gonna do um?

Speaker 1: 6:12

and so I think like, yeah, you're absolutely gonna see that in the book. It's gonna be a nice little journey.

Speaker 2: 6:17

I love it. I love it. Listen, you talk about the radical journey of obedience being an adventure. So the everyday adventure and I'm thinking to myself, it don't be feeling like an adventure, like rough terrain. Rough terrain and even the acronym of the book, you know, spells out to joy, right? So how did you develop this joyous excitement about something that is so difficult, which is obedience?

Speaker 1: 6:48

Yeah, I love that. Well, scripture says the joy of the Lord is our strength, yep, and joy is not predicated on what happens or circumstances. It comes from the inside. But I think that, for me, I find joy in pleasing the Lord. No, the journey is not fun. It's not always easy. Circumstances sometimes contradict what God has said, but there is a joy that I find in knowing that, whatever happens, I was able to please God because I said yes. So I think that's like the, the tension that we hold, um, and I think like it does feel like an adventure, cause you never know where it's going to lead you. You don't know how it's going to end up. Um, and I I say radical because I think pleasing the Lord is always going to be counterculture or counter what you want to do, um, and so I think it's a radical step because it is I don't know, I just feel like it's. It's something we do every day, though, but it's radical because it's the least expected or desired thing you want to do.

Speaker 2: 7:50

Absolutely Obedience for me. I talked a little bit about this with you off camera, but it has. There's something about it in my life right now, and when you've been a Christian for a long time, you be thinking certain things. You're like, yeah, I got it, I got that, not in arrogance, no for sure I'm doing this thing. And then God will allow something to happen, some questions to come up, some situations to come up where you have to really wrestle with whether or not you do find joy in obedience. You know whether or not you do find joy in obedience. You know whether or not you do see it as better to follow Christ and what he's saying, even when it doesn't make sense to you and for me.

Speaker 2: 8:33

You know, leaning not on my own understanding in this season of my life is really the call, the funny thing about it. I went live this morning and I was sharing, you know, with my community that leaning on your own understanding about a future that you know nothing of and can't control is crazy work. Yet we do it every day. And when you're leaning on your understanding which is faulty, which is fallible, which is limited, extremely limited, extremely limited, you're going to fall. When you're leaning on something that is faulty, you're going to fall. There's no way for it to sustain you.

Speaker 1: 9:11

It doesn't have capacity to hold you.

Speaker 2: 9:14

So, in your journey, some of the things you wrote about in the book, you know what are some lessons that you feel like taught you. Yeah, I can't lean on my own understanding. I got to obey.

Speaker 1: 9:24

Yeah, I think, all of them. I think that I moved to LA in 2018, but in 2016,. God told me to move in 2017. And I didn't go. I didn't go out of like. I wanted to be loyal to the place I was serving at the year I was going to move, which would have been 2017. I was going to leave in April. That January, my boss in a department of two quit. He never came back after Christmas break. And I was like God, there's no way I can leave these people. What are they going?

Speaker 1: 9:53

to do without me, which is also pride and arrogance as if something can't be sustained without you and the Lord's calling you to move away from it. And I did, and I chose to stay, get out of my business. And then, like a whole, get out of my business. I'm just saying, like you just, and I think you just, we just got to call it what it is. We would make better decisions if we just called it what it is. It's pride.

Speaker 1: 10:14

God says go, and I'm like no, god, but what they going to do about me? I say this in a book, as if you care more about God's people than he does. So God is doing them a disservice by moving you. It's God, these people belong to him.

Speaker 1: 10:30

And so I think, like, when we start to just sit with the reality of what it is like when we say no to God, let's like lay it out. I'm saying no because I care more about your people than you do. It's like no, that doesn't make sense, not whatsoever At all. And so then it's like, okay, well, it's better to just say yes. But I think, yeah, like I know the cost of disobedience and I don't want to live in that anymore. And so when people are like well, how are you so obedient? How am I not Like. For me as a believer, I don't have a choice to choose anything outside of God. I do, but I kind of surrendered that choice when I said I'm going to follow him, and so I think that we see that in the grand scale of things, like I'm going to be a follower of Jesus, I believe that he's Lord. But then do you really believe he's Lord if he's not lording over your life?

Speaker 2: 11:22

No, it's just cute words and, like the old folks used to say, he's Lord of all or not Lord at all.

Speaker 1: 11:26

No, for real, he can't be.

Speaker 2: 11:28

Lord in this area. But he's like ah, now that one is mine, it's like no, no, no, Is he Lord?

Speaker 1: 11:32

Exactly.

Speaker 2: 11:33

And so yeah, I think that is how it has just been like I've experienced the fruit of my disobedience and I pain that I could have just maybe not had to go through had I not just listened a year prior, definitely been there, and I think one of the things that we deal with especially as women is we feel a sense of loyalty but also care in a way that is so deep sometimes that we let that emotion override our obedience to what God said Definitely do it in relationships, definitely do it.

Speaker 2: 12:11

I'm staying with people who God done told you 15 times and the man done told you, he done showed you he ain't the one, he can't lead you spiritually. He don't want to be a disciple you do. And we let emotions and all these things stop us from obedience. And I also feel like there's a part of our generation and listen, I'm not down on our generation. Before I say what I'm about to say, let me just say this I'm not down on our generation. I know that there are many of us who love God, many of us who are fighting to be disciples, many of us who are in our word. But, baby, obedience has left the chat. It's almost like we're in a space where whatever you do is okay because God loves you.

Speaker 1: 12:56

For sure. Yeah, I was just about to say I don't know if obedience has left the chat I think it's in the chat for what I could get out of it. Tell me more, in a sense of like I'm going to be obedient because I know I'm going to get this other thing on the other side of it. It has nothing to do with pleasing the Lord, it has nothing to do with. He knows best, so I'm going to do what he. No, it's like okay, if I do this one thing, it's going to lead to this. It's almost like it's a come up, it's a level up like oh, yeah, I'm all for following God, and right now it's profitable.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Yes, really cute to be, you know, claiming to follow the Lord, but until it really costs you something, you're not actually following him at all. So I think, I think we have a lot of people saying yes, but at the with what they have in mind for their own lives. So it's like I think God wants me to start this thing because really, this thing is going to produce something for me. For me, yeah, and it's like, yeah, I don't know. Well, really, maybe God was like actually turn it off. Yeah, don't start to think at all. Yeah, go, uh, serve at the soup kitchen. And it's like, oh, surely God wouldn't want me to do that. I'm called what do you mean? Soup kitchen. And so I think, like we start to identify like okay was this really God?

Speaker 1: 14:14

or was this my selfish ambition, trying to use a platform under the you know what I'm saying, under the disguise of like I'm following the Lord?

Speaker 2: 14:20

Yeah, and listen, we say this as two people who are highly ambitious, who have podcasts who show up online.

Speaker 2: 14:26

Yeah, and I think the and I would love to hear your thoughts on this but for me, I think the secret to still living a life of obedience and to still live in a life of surrender is making sure that your offline life for God is more robust than your online life for God. For sure, there are things that I do that never make it to the internet. Most of what I do in my church, and you know, never make it to the internet. You know, and I like it that way, because, for me, I want to keep a level of, and this is why being a part of a local church is important. I want to keep a level of, and this is why being a part of a local church is important, because if all your churching is happening when you turn your camera on, you in trouble, you in trouble, girl, I'm telling you.

Speaker 2: 15:14

And so being a part of a local church where, whether that's a large church or small church, I'm a part of a smaller church where, when chairs need to be moved, I still got to help move them. When things need to be fires need to be set out, I still got to help with. You know that for me helps me to stay grounded. And then, when there are things that I don't feel like doing, there's someone in my life, a real person, irl holding me accountable to either why I didn't do it or what I need to be doing, and I think that really does help with obedience. With obedience, um, on a small scale, but also on a larger scale. What would you say to our generation, um, in ways of repenting in their attitudes toward obedience?

Speaker 1: 16:00

Um, I think I think just having to embrace that your life is not your own, Um, I think that's just kind of been what I have learned. Like you mentioned the podcast, I never wanted a podcast, it was a step of obedience. Showing up online never wanted to do that. My little clips just started going viral and then all of a sudden people started calling me an influencer and then all of a sudden people started emailing me saying hey, can you come preach at my church tomorrow and then, all of a sudden, people started calling me an influencer and then all of a sudden,

Speaker 1: 16:26

people started emailing me saying, hey, can you come preach at my church tomorrow? What is going on? And so I think, like I think I'm grateful that it happened that way, in a sense of like this doesn't belong to me, it's something that's been entrusted to me to steward, and so I look at my life the same way. It's like my life is not my own. I gave it to the Lord, when I say yes, to follow him. So he gets to make the, he gets to call the shots, he gets to make, he gets to say, hey, go over here, hey, actually walk away from this. Hey, and it has cost me my dreams. I didn't love y'all at the church, but I didn't want none of that. Like I grew up as a PK, I moved to LA, I went to Syracuse. I paid a lot of money to go to school, to study to be a producer. I wanted to work in television. I wanted to work in entertainment. I didn't move to LA to be a pastor. I could have done that in Mississippi.

Speaker 2: 17:05

It's very cheap to live there.

Speaker 1: 17:07

You know what I'm saying. But I think the more I build a relationship with the Lord, I recognize that my life is better in his hands and also it's his life. He just entrusted for me to steward it while I'm here on earth and I don't want to get to the end of my life and stand before him and be like, well, I thought I could do it better, or I didn't want to disappoint them, or I didn't know where it was going to lead, so I decided not to do anything with it. It's like no, like that's not it at all, and so I think like, really sitting with, why am I refusing to follow the Lord? Like, why am I not doing the thing he's asking me to do? And get to the root of that.

Speaker 1: 17:44

Because most of it is that you lack intimacy, you don't actually really know him, because if your mama asks you to go somewhere and you have a great relationship with her, you're going to go, no questions asked. How much more like your heavenly father who knows everything, he can see the end from the beginning. I only have the limited view of what I'm in right now and maybe an inkling of what he possibly could have showed me, which is only breadcrumbs, okay, and I'm going to be like I hear you calling me over there, but no, I'm good, I'm going to. Just I'm going to hang right here, cause at least I know this, and then I think what we have to like, we have to desire to know him better than the place we're comfortable in staying.

Speaker 2: 18:31

I saw you on a podcast with Megan Ashley. You talked about you. Both talked about discipling and who's discipling us Now. This was some time ago. How do you, how's that going for you? Do you feel like people are have stepped up in your life to help and disciple you in that way? And if it's happening with you, chances are people who maybe don't go to a church every week or maybe watch church online are just lacking in that area, and it's something that God has put on my heart, a burden on my heart, and I think many people like us. A burden on my heart and I think many people like us. How do we help our generation engage in real life relationships and discipling?

Speaker 1: 19:12

It's funny because, I don't know, the podcast was maybe like a year ago. I have a different and evolved perspective on it. In a sense, it partially happened for reading this book by John Mark Comer and it it's Practicing the Way and it's being like Jesus, loving like Jesus, and one more thing, like the subtitle, I can't remember, but it's called Practicing the Way. We'll throw it in the air.

Speaker 2: 19:38

We'll throw a link in the air.

Speaker 1: 19:40

It is life-altering in the sense of how we look at discipleship. Okay, and discipleship and discipling Discipleship to be a disciple means to follow Jesus, right, and my spiritual formation is my responsibility, so I can't not grow in something and then blame it on somebody who's outside of me, yeah. And so I think that a couple of things from that conversation was like okay, we are now the people, right, I can't. It's like if.

Speaker 1: 20:08

I have kids. I can't be like, oh, I'm going to be a trash mom because I had a trash mom. It's like no, now I'm a mom. So now I got to turn the tide right. So, whether I got it or I didn't get it, I have to take the lessons from that. And now I got to be the thing I desired, right.

Speaker 1: 20:24

And so I think I took on a sense of responsibility, like, okay, brenda, you talking a lot about who's discipling us? Who are you discipling? Because discipleship doesn't only exist for people who are leaders. We all should be being discipled and discipling. So I became a little more intentional about the people that are in my life and started discipling them. The other thing is like also reaching out to people like, right, if my spiritual formation is my job, then who is in my life that God has brought in that I haven't tapped Um and I need to pursue them. And so I think for me I shifted in the sense of like woe is me? Like you know what I'm saying. Like it was just kind of like, okay, girl, if this is what you want, go do something about it. And so now you mentioned local church earlier. That's a really huge part of it. I think a lot of our generation wants to be discipled, but we don't want to submit to leadership in a local church. Start there, got to. And if you submit to local leadership, then you get on a team. That leader of that team will disciple you by. It's going to happen. It's a natural. It should be a natural system in the ecosystem of the church. Now, I know it could be a little different. You know what I'm saying. It should be we pray, yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:31

And so I think, like for me, I got in a local church. So in the past year I was doing a lot of traveling, so I didn't really. It was like it wasn't that I wasn't going to a church, but I was serving. You might be on a plane on a Sunday morning, yeah. And so I realized like, hey, in my adult life I have never just been a part of a church. I've always been in some level of leadership. And I was like, nah, I'm not doing it, and I literally left the church I was a part of because it required me to show up A certain way, and I was like, no, no, I'm gonna go down here to this Caucasian led church. Um, it's a, it's a mixed church, but the pastors are Caucasian and I'm like, no, nobody know me here and for six months I sat there. I've been there almost a year.

Speaker 1: 22:16

I go to discipleship every Monday with my pastor, um, and for a long time I was like traveling, so I was missing. And she reached out and she's like hey, you know, I understand if your schedule changed, but we want people to be a little more consistent. She's like I understand if you can't do it. I said no, I'm submitting myself to your leadership. Discipleship is where you told me I should be. So that means my schedule has to rearrange around it, and so I've just been really intentional about that, and so I think that would be my call for you. Right, if you feel like there's some.

Speaker 1: 22:47

It's the same way if you were in business and you wanted to obtain a skill. You're going to find a class, you're going to enroll yourself, you're going to pay money, you're going to invest in developing that skill. Come on, man, it's the same thing for your spiritual formation. It's your responsibility, and I can't go and stand before the Lord and be like, well, I didn't grow because nobody reached out to me.

Speaker 1: 23:02

No, now if I you know what I'm saying reach out, and they kind of then on to the next, and so I think you mentioned accountability earlier too. So that's something that God's been on me about. He's like hey, before this book comes out on Tuesday, you need to intentionally submit yourself to people. He, on the plane he started listing the people he, and by Monday you need to call them. And I was like amen, Lord, because I I want to do this the right way. Yeah, I want to steward everything that's been entrusted to me and I want somebody to be able to be like hey, you put that online, go take it down and and be humble enough to do it. Bro, because believing your own hype and having nobody to hold like to pull your card is dangerous, it's very dangerous.

Speaker 1: 23:46

It's dangerous. And so I think, like, for me it's going like okay, these are the things I had an issue with, but what am I doing to change it? And so I think that's the thing. I think right now we're seeing our generation shy away because now we don't trust anything, we don't trust how we read the Bible, we don't trust if the person who's reading the Bible at the church like there's all of these seeds being planted to cause us to not trust basic principles that the Lord gave us. And so I think like, yeah, I just think like being led by the spirit is going to be huge in this time.

Speaker 2: 24:20

So I'm reading this book. It's called Forgotten God, by Francis Chan Love him.

Speaker 2: 24:25

Love Francis Chan. The Forgotten God is about how we, as Christians, forget that the Holy Spirit is God. So we remember Jesus, we obviously remember God, but we forget the Holy Spirit, and you just mentioned that the Spirit is going to have to be a large part of this. I'm convicted because I feel like for so much, depending on how you were raised, the Holy Spirit was either live, active, falling out, speaking in tongues, or almost non-existent. Right. And this book is dealing with me because there's so much in it that I have to realize One I can't judge other people's experience of the Holy Spirit For sure.

Speaker 2: 25:10

I cannot stifle his power within my life and I do so by not engaging him so much of what we're seeing and learning as a generation, even with you know some of our pastors and the things that are shared or not shared, or preached or not preached, and the internet will have you in a tizzy, especially in black church right now.

Speaker 2: 25:35

You know with pastors and prophets and preachers and all the things, and I always tell people Are you engaged with the Holy Spirit that lives inside of you? Before you get so worried about what this pastor, preacher, prophet said or didn't say, when's the last time you've truly engaged with the Holy Spirit, who's dwelling in you and waiting for you to engage him. And I think that on the journey of yes, you know, in the journey of being obedient, know in the journey of being obedient, there's really no way to do it without listening for the unction, for the direction of the holy spirit. So in the world that's super noisy, online, you preaching, you gonna how do you make sure that you can hear the voice of god and hear the spirit in your life?

Speaker 1: 26:21

yeah, that's a really great question, I think, think one you have to train yourself to to think God first. Um, cause just you get in a situation sometimes we just jump into things, and so I think jumping into the wrong things has taught me I should have asked the Lord about this, Cause sometimes I get it. I'm like hey girl, he's like you never even asked me and some, and not even on like deep things, just like building friendships, right. I'm like hey girl, he's like you never even asked me and not even on like deep things, just like building.

Speaker 2: 26:47

I was going to say like what?

Speaker 1: 26:47

Like building friendships right, like I'm a person who I just like people, like I'm a vibe with you, like if we meet, be like, oh, it's cool, like let's hang out. You know, and I recognize, Sometimes doing that was improperly stewarding the anointing on my life because I wasn't properly seeing myself. I was just giving everybody access as if I'm not something that needs to be protected and stewarded. It can't just be offered up to anybody because I'm not just who I am on a platform. That's who I am.

Speaker 1: 27:18

That anointing does not just only exist when I'm. It is also something that the enemy would love to attack when I'm just chilling or I'm just kicking it or I'm just having conversations, and so I think within the last year I've learned like dang, I didn't even ask God who this person was and where they should be positioned in my life. It doesn't mean I have to be rude to them. It doesn't mean I have to be like I'm sorry, I can't you know what I'm saying can't talk to you, because sometimes, because I'm from Chicago, I'm really like outgoing. I'm sure I will talk to anybody.

Speaker 1: 27:54

Um, I think, like, because I have this like it's something I've taught myself is like I don't want people to think I changed right, like because I have a I. People like, oh, you have so many. I don't be paying no attention to that. You know, I'm saying like I'm just a normal person and I will talk to anybody, whether you got two followers or a million, I'm gonna talk to you the same way and I'm gonna regard you the same way. And I think, because of fear of like always wanting to be accessible, always wanting to feel approachable, I have like not properly placed people in my life. Yeah, and so, because of that, I'm learning to include the Holy Spirit in everything. So much should I wear this shirt. You know I'm saying like is it? Is this gonna be be too distracting? Like are people going to be paying more attention to my outfit than hearing the words that you want to speak? Like that seems so minute, but it's that important, it's that serious, and when we start to include God in all things, it gets easier to hear his voice in the tough things.

Speaker 1: 28:38

Yeah, um, and you asked about how do I like lean in when it's noisy? Sometimes I turn it off, sometimes I have to go. I know I feel like I need to show up online seven days a week, but I need a break. I need a step away, because I don't want the the noise of the world to override what God's trying to say. Yeah, and sometimes there is a frustration and God's like I, because I need you to come sit with me. Yeah, um, but making it a daily habit when it's quiet, so that when the noise comes that it's still like muscle memory, it's like no, this is what I do.

Speaker 2: 29:12

That's good. Let's talk about Brenda Palmer, the preacher. This is how I found you online. Okay, holler it. Oh, my goodness, let me tell you something when you preach, you don't play with the devil at all.

Speaker 2: 29:28

She don't care. Brenda don't care what her hair look like. She like listen, I have a word and you're going to hear it. When did you start preaching? And I want you to tell us a little bit about how you've grown in the conviction to not only say hard things, but you know, people give Philip Anthony Mitchell a whole lot of like oh he hard. You was the first one. You was.

Speaker 1: 29:52

You started that Philip is my brother. That's why his quote is on the top of this book. I love it Because that's like I found him and felt so affirmed in my calling, because I just was like there's not really a lot of people who be like you know what I'm saying, giving it like that I'm naturally animated, like if you catch me with my friends, I'm gonna talk loud, I'm gonna yell, if we arguing about sports, I'm gonna put my fist in my hand, and you know I'm saying like it's just, it's naturally how I communicate, um, but I started preaching. I preached my first sermon September 1st 2021. Really, yes, I know nobody believes that.

Speaker 1: 30:29

I did not know that. Yeah, and it was on a whim, it wasn't like a first sermon, ever first sermon.

Speaker 1: 30:35

So no youth Sundays when you was a kid, none of that maybe, like my mama and my daddy, would be like, remember you preached your first? No, I don't remember that and I don't think it was much of a preach. It was probably reading. It was probably reading scriptures, which is what I still do today. But yeah, that was my first time like actually preaching. It was I had just moved to Temecula. I took on a role to be the director of communications and experiences.

Speaker 1: 30:59

So I oversaw the worship team, the production team and the communications team and the weekend experience. So that was my job was to run the weekend, all special events that were for the main church. Um, and I did that. I started that position in June and then maybe, like August, my pastor goes hey, we have seek week. Uh, how would you feel about? You know, 15 minute word. I'll put you in between two pastors. And I was like sure, you know, I never did that before. I had a podcast. That was the extent of teaching. You know, like um, at my church in Chicago I've led the young adults. So in my mind I didn't that felt like they gave us notes and I'm gonna just flush out you know what I'm saying. But in the capacity of preaching on a platform, I had never done that.

Speaker 1: 31:43

And so the pastor that was supposed to go after me was a worship pastor. He did not preach. After I preached he was like you know, I feel like we got a good word and we're just going to worship, you know, and I was like why he didn't want to? You know what I'm saying, why he didn't want to preach. I guess I had. I did too good, you did what you did. And I remember finishing and my pastor going no, no, no, this is a gift, like it's something we need to cultivate. And from that moment it was like a Wednesday night.

Speaker 1: 32:10

I started preaching. Like every six weeks they put me on the teaching team, but literally I was like God. I literally told the Lord I've never done this before and he said I don't know what you think you're going to do. He said but this is our relationship that you just get to invite them into. And so whenever I'm preaching, it's always a lived experience, it's something that God's teaching me, that he's given me permission to invite others into. And so I would say the conviction. I can't control it. I really try. I think I'm getting better at learning how to steward my passion because I don't want it to overshadow.

Speaker 1: 32:50

Somebody just DM'd me the other day and I was like you people, just audacity, it's just at an all time high. She was like hey, sis, I really love you, but you know, every time I watch your clips it's like you're yelling at us and I was wondering. She's like I listened to your podcast. You don't yell on the podcast, and she was like I was just wondering, you know, like if you could scale it back. Now there was a part of me that wanted to reply to her and maybe she might watch this podcast, and in my head I went you know, you could just turn the phone down, you could just turn the volume down.

Speaker 2: 33:22

Or you could just not watch Like um it was.

Speaker 1: 33:24

I had a lot of things to say and I was just like.

Speaker 2: 33:26

People are very audacious they are, I was just like wow, I would never do this.

Speaker 1: 33:30

Like I was just like, wow, we, we. Just social media has made us. You don't know me.

Speaker 2: 33:34

We not friends? People don't have group chats. For sure, send it to your best friend and tell your best friend.

Speaker 1: 33:39

I be like this girl is always yelling. You know what I? But it is a self-critique as well, which I'm like. I'll say things. I remember being at a conference that was multi-generational and I was like and you suck? And then I was like you can't say that to people. You can't say that, especially not 55-year-olds. But the funniest thing was that that was the thing that stood out to them the most and they would be like, oh my God, when you said we suck, I was like, oh my gosh, she's so crazy.

Speaker 1: 34:02

And I was like I'm sorry, lord, you know, right, it goes back to the Holy Spirit thing, right? Because as much as I have a conviction to lead with conviction, I also have convictions where God's like, hey, let's reel this in, like let's stay focused, because we don't want anything to distract from what God's trying to say. And so I think over time I've like tried to grow. I'm also just loud.

Speaker 2: 34:24

So it might feel like I'm yelling. We're from the city. Yeah, I'm like it might feel like I'm yelling.

Speaker 1: 34:29

I'm like this was actually pretty calm yeah.

Speaker 1: 34:31

I wasn't actually yelling and I didn't say everything I wanted to say. I didn't, I didn't. I just preached somewhere like a few weeks ago, and I was proud of myself, because it makes me think of the scripture where Paul says I became all things to all men. So then I made myself yes, and so I'm learning that in some spaces I do got to scale it back. I'm a communicator, I have the ability and the intellect to do it, but sometimes the Holy Spirit just wants to say things harsh in a way that grabs you.

Speaker 2: 35:00

Everything ain't going to be nice. Everything ain't going to be nice. I agree. It's so funny because, you know, a lot of times people don't understand the passion with which certain people preach, um, especially if you're a woman, um, and what I always share with people, and the scripture actually reminds me of you as well, when Paul is talking in second Corinthians, chapter 11, I want to say it is. And he's talking about am I a Jew? You know I've been in danger at sea danger, you know he's talking about all the things he's been through. And then at the end he says and on top of all of that, or along with all that I face daily, the pressure of my concern for all the churches, for sure. And then he says who is weak? And I do not feel weak, who is led into sin or who is who stumbles and I do not inwardly burn?

Speaker 1: 35:53

Yeah, that's how we feel. No, a hundred percent it is, it is the, it is the, it is the burden of, and, honestly, you care, and the passion is rooted in love. I genuinely, really, really, really love god. Like I can't even articulate my love for the lord like with words. That would equate to what it feels like um, and I just want people to know him the way I do. Yep, and sometimes that is the driving force. Also, a lot of times if I'm talking tough, it it's because that's the tone that house needed.

Speaker 1: 36:26

You happen to be watching a clip, but that was the assignment for that house. It needed to be said that way because those people been playing in the Lord's face and sometimes it got to be tough. Now you just happen to watch it on a clip. If you didn't that, it wasn't for you that way. You know what I'm saying. But you're watching a clip for a moment of an assignment. Yeah, um, for those, that group of people, um, and sometimes it has to be tough.

Speaker 1: 36:51

I know there's like a clip that's going around where I talk about my watch not working, but that clip I was coming off a sabbatical. That word was that tough because it was that tough to me. Yeah, that's how the lord set me with it. Yeah, and when I got she's like man, it's not really normal that we get a convicting word at a women's conference. I'm like it's not Because I'm like Lord, you're going to make me preach revelation at the women's conference. You know we'd be looking for Esther and Mary and sometimes I got that for you. But today he said revelation and so I think, like it is that it is just kind of going with and I also can't be concerned with how everybody feels. It's like at the end of the day, did I please the Lord and anybody else you can take it up with?

Speaker 2: 37:27

him, and not only that, not only loving God. Something I feel very deeply is I love God's people For sure, deep. So when Paul talks about that, someone stumbles or let into sin not Emily Byrne, the Emily Byrne is not at you, and I've had to say this to people before Like I'm sorry I'm talking like this, for sure, I'm mad at the devil and I want you to repent, because I know what this is going to do to you and I know what it's going to do to your kids, to your life, and it's been such. One thing that I feel like I've experienced lately especially is that women really do want the truth. Oh, one thing that I feel like I've experienced lately especially is that women really do want the truth. Oh, for sure, they want to be discipled, they want to be corrected, they want to change, and so if that's what you like, you're going to love me For sure. But if that ain't what you like, it may not work for you.

Speaker 1: 38:18

And we're in good company. In my Bible study, we're studying the book of Acts and I was so entertained by how many times Peter kept reminding those people that they were the ones who killed Jesus. They're like you're amazed by this, but I need you to know that we did this in the name of Jesus. Who you, who you can't? I was like Peter they get it. They got it. It's them, it was them. And every time he preaches the gospel, he reminds them. But he's not doing that to be facetious. He's doing that because he wants to bring them to a place of repentance, but it starts with conviction, because then they got to go dang. I'm amazed by this, but I put him on that cross.

Speaker 2: 38:55

There's no godly sorrow without conviction. No, when you read through what the Bible says sorry, we getting super churchy on y'all, but we can't help it when you read through what the bible says about godly sorrow, what eagerness, what earnestness, what, what indignation, what. You don't get that without conviction. No, you don't get that by saying, well, I dropped my bag and I'm not saying that there's no grace. What people don't understand to me about grace is that grace makes you want to act right yeah, I'm, I'm like yeah, guys, grace is you didn't deserve salvation.

Speaker 1: 39:26

He gave it to you and grace teaches you to say no. Yes, it's in Titus, it literally tells you it give. Grace is the empowerment of the Holy Spirit that gives you the ability to say no and pursue godliness. Yes, not an excuse for your bad decisions and we don't.

Speaker 2: 39:41

That don't make sense in no other area. If you are in a relationship with someone, you're my husband. When I am having a moment and he's patient with me, I'm like let me watch my tone, because he could have turned up on me and he didn't. Let me chill out. In what world does God's grace to you make you want to Like oh, I'm good, no.

Speaker 1: 40:03

He's working on me.

Speaker 2: 40:04

No, we don't understand it we don't understand it the way that we need to, and so engaging that Holy Spirit baby, that's what you got to do and I think the beautiful thing about for me seeing women like you and you know, and Stephanie and Jackie and many preachers, women who preach I feel empowered and encouraged, kind of the same way you said that you you feel with Philip Anthony Mitchell. I'm doing it on a much smaller scale, but it empowers me to understand that there's an appetite for this and that God is going to place me in the rooms and the houses that need it when he feels like I need to be there.

Speaker 1: 40:39

And and even here's the thing I think I would just say, like I always say this my highest ambition is to please the Lord, because you may be called to speak an unpopular message in a place that don't know they need it and nobody might applaud for you, nobody might clap. That's why you can't live by that. That's why I can't. I'm not impressed because a million people liked the fact that I said one thing right, because I could have done that and got all those people and God's like who told you to say that.

Speaker 1: 41:10

So that's why I'm saying it's not about all the things externally. It's like what did God tell me to say? Did I say it and is he pleased? Was the assignment complete? Because claps will have you thinking that you with the Lord and you are not. You are not in alignment, you, you. You are so far, but because we measure success by how people received it.

Speaker 1: 41:35

That's dangerous. Come on, aaron priest helps them build an entire idol. It says he saw that it pleased them. Then he told them to build an altar to it. And so if I live by how pleased you are with what I do, I'm a, I'm a miss God every time.

Speaker 1: 41:49

And so I think, like that has to be the thing. Like, okay, god, what is the assignment when, when I get invited to speak somewhere, I'm sitting and going okay, is this where you're sending me? And if you are, what is it that you want to say to the room? And so I think it starts there, like I don't know everybody's process, because some people have a text that they preach. I have a message. It don't matter what text I preach, surrender and obedience is coming out of it. Like it just that is just the message that I've been called to live. And so I think, like when I'm focused on that, and it gets hard when you preach the things that nobody wanted to hear, and now nobody calling you, no more. Now everybody mad. Now I'm, like you, sure you wanted me to do this full-time, because it's given we not even part-time, it's given we are contract. You know what I'm saying like consultant, yeah, at this point, and so I think like but then it's like well, what are you doing this for?

Speaker 1: 42:42

yeah and so and and that's tested all the time. Like I'm in moments where I'm like how are we going to eat? And then when something cancels, it's like am I more mad that I didn't get the check or am I mad that people didn't get the word? And keeping like my heart posture before the Lord and asking him if there's anything that will offend you, could you remove it? Like clean it up, and I think, like being honest, with ourselves, not thinking too highly of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 43:07

I told you I wanted to work in entertainment. I always wanted to be a talk show host and one day I had to surrender. I said Lord, do I want to be famous? I said could you deal with this right now? Don't walk me into anything that would grant me that.

Speaker 1: 43:20

That would take me away from the and make me lose sight of the assignment, cause I'm doing that often, anytime something comes up, I'm like is there some pride there? Let's deal with it. There's some ego. I don't want to ask nobody for nothing. Let's deal with that too. And could you please keep me at this level until we deal with it, cause I don't, I don't want to lose my relationship with the Lord. That's the, for me, could be the greatest loss of anything. So I think like just being okay with being honest and be like dear god, yeah, I did kind of want to blow up a little bit. I did, let's deal with that. Yeah, like purify that desire, right. And so I think like being honest, because we could do a lot of pretending on this side of the absolutely you know, saying it's like stop with that, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 44:00

What is he dealing with you when it comes to the release of the book?

Speaker 1: 44:04

oh, I had. I, ooh, I had a moment, maybe like three months ago, and I felt like I was like driving, I'm an executor. So I'm like, okay, I got to do this, I got to do this, I need to get this person on the team. I need to get this person on the team. And he's like hey, hey, hey, what are we after? And I said, okay, that's a good question, let me come back. We sit with that for a little bit and I'm like, oh, I just I want people to have intimate relationship with you. He said you wrote the book. You're done, let me do what I'm gonna do.

Speaker 1: 44:48

And one of the most liberating experiences, because I'm like, oh, the weight is not on me, um, and so I've been able to. I've also had prayers concerning it, in a sense of like God, you don't owe me anything, but it would be really great. Like and I don't do that often like I'm not a I'm not because I don't really have expectations for a lot of things like I'm just, you know out here being obedient, but I was like God, I don't, and I did. I was like a daughter and I was like you're my father and I'm like you don't owe me this and I'll be okay if it doesn't happen, but I really want to do Essence Fest. Yeah, it's, this is small. You know what I'm saying and your and your and your purview, and I'll thank for you, Lord. You know what he did it? Yeah, yeah, and I was like I literally cried because I'm like thanks, dad.

Speaker 1: 45:37

Yeah, like it felt like that's how my daddy is, like I'll ask my daddy something like you don't owe me this, but I really want these shoes and I don't want to buy it myself. Could you get this for me? Could you get this for me? You know, I'm saying and I think, like I think he takes delight when I approach him in a manner of a child. I'm like dad, you don't owe me this.

Speaker 1: 45:57

We, this book is not even about this moment, and I'm not even gonna over spiritualize and be like look how many people we could influence for the world. I'm saying this is something I want, like, and obviously when I go, I'm gonna blow you up because that's just how I live. And I think, from that place of honesty, I've been able to do it and I think, like, for me, I'm a recovering perfectionist and so I feel like I have set these like goals and God's like yeah, let me do me. And I've seen him shut down connections so he could be the one to make the thing happen. And I'm like oh, you, just you want it, you, because you want the kids. Yeah, because I think my entire ministry life has been nobody will be able to say they did this. And I've seen him disrupt things. Yeah, so he could be like no, that was I, did that, that was me.

Speaker 2: 46:48

Yeah, for sure I'm gonna show you something I wrote here. One of my questions for you is you are a recovering perfectionist. How is that going? So, since you just said it, let's get to that question How's it going recovering from?

Speaker 1: 47:02

being a perfectionist, it's going better. I think I'm learning that things don't have to be perfect. I'm learning that they're better when I just give it to God, because and also I think like I have to get to the root of that. Right, it's like what are we after? That question helped a lot, because it's like, well, I'm not actually really I'm putting that one in my back pocket. I'm not actually really after anything, but it's a question I ask myself when I find myself getting anxious about things. It's like, okay, what are you what? What's driving this? Is it pleasing me or is it something else? Yeah, and if it's something else, we gotta go back in the, we gotta go back in the secret place. Yeah, we gotta let them deal with that.

Speaker 1: 47:47

And I'm I'm grateful because it's the mercy of God that will reveal the broken areas in our life. And am I using this to define me or am I using this to be a doorway and pathway to the Lord? And I think you just got to have those honest moments. And so I think like asking myself over and over again, when I find myself trying to over do the most. I'm like what's driving this? Do the most. I'm like what's driving this?

Speaker 2: 48:11

Yeah, that's convicting for me, if I can be honest, for sure, because I am in, I'm in grind season, I'm in growth season, right, and all the things that I feel like I've wanted. God is allowing them to unfold in front of me. And I was on a friend of mine, her podcast shout out to you, jessica, the Just Ask podcast, and she was asking me you know, what do you feel like God is teaching you right now? And I said for me it's to have the same posture that got me here, because I ain't even done that much yet. And the temptation if we just keep it real, you know, the temptation to get high on your own supply, the temptation to all right, so now I did that. So now I got to do. I can't do that again. I need to do something higher and I need to. You know my clientele needs to be better and the people I interview need to get higher.

Speaker 2: 49:11

And what are you after? For me, what I ask myself is what are you trying to prove? But what are you after is such a good question, because ambition and selfish ambition are right next to each other. No, for sure, for sure. And when the Bible says do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, nothing, yeah, that's a high calling, and so I'm definitely in a situation and in a position in life where God has put on some of us this whole premise of this podcast, letting yourself and some of us. He just put things on us. Yeah, to be influential in a certain way, to write a book, to preach a sermon, to go on a mission trip, whatever it is for you and having the, the heart, the conviction, the discipline because it really is a discipline to not make things that are for God about you yeah, I think like I read another book.

Speaker 1: 50:06

I've just been reading a lot of books. Come on now. But oh, I cannot think of the name of it, but you're going to put it in there because I'm gonna tell you what it is. But it's basically like this guy.

Speaker 1: 50:14

He has like this vision or this dream and he goes like to heaven, but he sees, like all these different layers, somebody's walking with him okay and he goes like I mean, like it's really great, I listen to it on audiobooks, so it feels like a movie and I'm like somebody should make this maybe me.

Speaker 1: 50:28

I love that, come on now. But he says something he goes. The greatest man till Jesus wore was humility, and I think that the only thing that drove Jesus was fulfilling God's will on earth. Yeah, it wasn't his emotions, it wasn't like he want I think about. We talk a lot about.

Speaker 1: 50:51

Like Jesus did this, jesus did this, I did this. I am more amazed by all the things jesus didn't do. That's good. He, he. He could have stepped into a lot of things, but he had so much humility that he denied himself as lord, as god, and fully submitted to being who he needed to be, to fulfill God's call on his life, which sometimes meant watching the people he loves suffer because it wasn't in alignment with God's plan. And so when I ask myself, what's driving this, it has to be the assignment of the Lord. It can't be what Brenda wants to do or who Brenda wants to become. And because I didn't get to become who I wanted to become, now I'm going to use what God want me to do for becoming the thing who Brenda wants to become. And because I didn't get to come, become who I wanted to become, now I'm going to use what God want me to do for becoming the thing I always wanted to be? Absolutely not. We can smell that a mile away. I can look at people who are pastors and go oh, this was a dream you had that. You said you surrendered, but you didn't Cause. Now you're trying to use this as a vehicle and I'm not saying that God won't bring it back around yeah, I'm not saying that. But his way, yes, and it'll. It'll smell different. Yeah, it'll smell like oh you it for me.

Speaker 1: 52:03

People have no idea I worked in entertainment. Yeah, people had no idea I was creative in that way. Most people know me as a preacher and so I got to, like, create a trailer for my book. Yeah, and I only did that because when I turned 34, the Lord told me I could come back into this space. Not because I picked it up. Yeah, it was almost like that dream was dormant. I didn't even remember I loved it. Yeah, you know, I'm saying, until it was like I feel like for my birthday.

Speaker 1: 52:28

He awakened it and said now you can do it because you can see it differently. It wasn't about like I'm trying to'm trying to. You know what I'm saying. No, now I want to take the passion that I preach with. And how do I put that in a message that captivates somebody who's an atheist, or captivates somebody that goes I'm crying and I don't know why I'm crying, but something about me, or I was struggling with anxiety and after I watched this, I don't deal with that no more. You know what I'm saying Like. So now I see it differently, but that comes from a place of surrender that says I know this is a gift, I know this is even a love and a dream, but, god, I'm going to put it in your hands and having an understanding, I think now I'm learning. Like maybe, like three weeks ago, I finally understood the message of my book.

Speaker 1: 53:14

Sounds crazy, it was like Brendan Wood and I was like nah, like I was doing a podcast interview, um, with Ebenezer shaping the culture, nice, and he said something to the extent of like, yeah, he's like you know obedience is, is it right now? He's like everybody wants to follow the Lord in the ministry because then you start a podcast and then you get the podcast deal and then you then you start, you know like preaching, and then you start all these things. He's like you get the bag and I'm like it was like in that moment it clicked for me and I was like I said I'm so glad you said that, because something I say which I feel like is the message of the book is that obedience is not about what you get on the other side of it, it's about the God you meet through it.

Speaker 1: 53:58

And I said and I recognize why God didn't allow me to do certain things. I worked with the Patreon people for months to roll out a Patreon. Three days before, the Lord said who told you to do that? You're a minister. First I said God, god, this makes sense. We need money. This is money. This, I don't. What are you saying? He said no, I, this has been the hardest year of my life financially and I was like help me understand this. He said you can't scream a message that obedience isn't about what you get out of it. If you're getting things out of it, I said copy you, copy you. He said you're telling the message is that obedience is about dependence on me, but you still trying to be self-sufficient. I said no, I'm just trying to be sufficient. You know what I'm saying. I'm just trying to have enough.

Speaker 1: 54:58

I'm like the math isn't mathing and I literally had a conversation. I'm like God. It feels like every time I say yes, life is getting harder and I don't know how long I'm going to be able to hold on and I'm like what is the difference between now and 2023? I, yeah, and I'm like what is the difference between now and 2023? I walked away from my job. I was a nomad, but I was like I feel like he was provided, yeah, like, and he's like you stopped believing. I said, hold, please, I'm gonna go sit with that and come back.

Speaker 2: 55:26

He loves us so much, he gonna deal with us every time. Every time, he gonna deal with it every time it comes up in your character. I see it. I'm like certain things I think that I have on, and then something will happen and he'll be like come here, come here, come here, like, let me help you with this. And I said this in my live today. I feel like and I say this in humility I acknowledge you in all my ways. I feel like I do pray, I fast, I get advice, and Holy Spirit said to me yeah, but what good is that if you're still going to lean on your own understanding? Sure, you pray, you fast, you get advice, but what are you doing? You try to acknowledge me and what you're doing, and then you do what you're doing. That's not how this goes. And so, similarly, there are things that I've had to turn, just ways that God has said no, no, no, that's not it. No, no, no, that's not it right now. No, no, no.

Speaker 1: 56:18

And this isn't to knock anybody doing that. I think that the Lord leads us to do the way. But I just know the assignment on my life is just, I just can't. I just don't get to do it. But I get to sit on platforms and be like bro. I didn't have it. But I watched God in the middle of my Bible study with my phone off. My phone ain't been off, I don't know if it's ever been off. I was like, okay, God, this is a new low. Yeah, All right, we've reached a new low. Okay, In the middle of my Bible study still showing up to Bible study, fighting for my life and get a random text from a friend I hadn't talked to in a month or so and said hey, do you have money?

Speaker 1: 56:59

Do you have enough money? I just got a weird feeling that you didn't have enough money. And just sends me money right away and says all right, good night. Two days later I'm in a conversation with somebody. Hey, can I zell you?

Speaker 1: 57:12

And God was like when he said I stopped believing, I'm like what are you saying? He said because I need you to know that I'm the source. Yes, and anything outside of me is a resource that serves me as the source. And every time you think something is your source, I will take it away Every time. So you thought traveling around the world to preach was your source. Give me that I've only been three places all year. I said you've sent me to my couch. He said because somewhere in your brain you thought that was a source, I'm telling you it's me. And I'm like okay, I got it, bro. And he said you stopped believing because you've been telling me your problem with the problem, never inviting me to solve the problem. And the moment I was like all right, bro, thank you for that. Matthew six, you told me not to worry about what I'll eat, drink or where. You said that's what pagans do. So because of that, God, I'm putting this on you. And immediately he turned it around.

Speaker 1: 58:04

The next week I take an offering at my Bible study. He says two pastors, random like Russian guys, show up, started a church. He says today the offering goes to them. I said, hey, guys, we're gonna raise the offering today, it's gonna go to them. You guys got a zale, you got a, you know. So he said yeah, their name of their church was God will provide. Wow, and I'm. I was talking to my parents my day said yeah, we was watching going the offering, going where, because you need it, you need the offering. And I said God said very clearly I always forget to take the offering by the way this week, I heard it very clearly.

Speaker 1: 58:36

It goes to them. And the next week, in two days, I got like things just started turning around. He said because now you get it, now you understand that I'm your source book tour. They don't pay for that. I do and I've watched God every day line things up. It's covered in full, it's not a strain on me Like I've been straight.

Speaker 1: 58:55

He said, cause I just needed you to recognize I'm not trying. No good thing would he withhold from you. But if I give you a good thing and you don't have the character to sustain it, it's going to ruin you. So I need you to understand that I'm the source. So when I tell you, no, you can't go preach at this place, even though they offering you $50,000, you won't be considering because you know I'm the source. So if you walk away from 50, you know I'm good, you good and I got you and I'm like nah, I get it now.

Speaker 1: 59:22

I also won't not say what I need to say in a place because I'm worried about. Well, if I don't get this check. I got to eat. He said eat. He said I'm the source and it's a lesson you got. It has to be ingrained in you because, if not, you'll think that that thing is a source, that opportunity is a source, that door is a source, that person is a source, and when I ask you to do something that will disrupt them, you're not going to disrupt the relationship because you think it's your source. And so I was like, oh, message received, I got it and I'm I am grateful that.

Speaker 1: 59:51

Say no, I live at the mercy of the Lord. And it forces me to like I have to talk to him and everything, because I don't know, I don't know where the next thing is going to come from. So it forces me to go. Okay, god, what are we doing today? Where should we go? Who should we reach out to? What's the next thing we do to make a move? And it's not not because people will be like well, why don't you just go get a job? Tried it, he won't allow it because my assignment and call is to live dependent on him. Yeah, all of us, but this is the way it works for me, yeah, and one of the things.

Speaker 2: 1:00:22

I want to share this with you personally, for you, but this is something that I have internalized so big, and God has shown up in my life in big ways. Money is just green paper to God For sure. The same way, you would never be worried about how you're going to get this piece of paper, or a piece of paper or a card stock, or if you needed something to write something. You wouldn't worry about that. You just got to find a piece of paper. Exactly, it is the same to God, and I try to encourage people all the time that the devil wants us to worry about money more than anything else, for sure.

Speaker 2: 1:00:55

Because it drives your decisions. It drives your decisions, it can drive your heart, you know, and the truth of the matter is, for the person living submitted to Christ, whether God has called them to a nine to five, or to entrepreneurship, or to whatever right, the purpose of your heart has to be to trust God. With the paper, so for our brains to just bring it down to a piece of paper, for me it just revolutionizes things, because even when you have money no, it's never enough. It's never enough. When you have big dreams and ambitions, it's like, yeah, but the so-and-so need $40,000. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 1:01:28

You like bro what? But that read when I own that God has a source?

Speaker 1: 1:01:35

so when I'm stuck, I promise you. I was talking to the publicist and I was like, okay, she said book tour. I said, yes, here are the cities I want to go to. She said, wow, brenda, you know we don't cover it. I said I'm not concerned about that. These are the cities the Lord told me to go to. He's going to make it happen and I've watched him do it.

Speaker 1: 1:01:54

I didn't have nothing on my calendar Last year. I barely had a day at my house. So the publisher looks at that. They like, okay, good, your summer months are great, let's drop the book in the summer. I had nothing on the calendar and I'm like, yeah, we're going to go here, we're going to go here, we're going to go here, we're gonna go here. And the lord filled in the gaps. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I'm facing something that fails outside of me, I'm like, oh yeah, source, you got this one, great. And now I can be on to the next thing. And I have conditioned myself to act as if it's already there. Yes, so I planned a tour, I announced the tour. I said I don't know how are we getting from point a to point b? Because, because here's the thing If the Lord is the one who said it, it has to happen. He can't lie. So the moment he speaks a thing, it's like oh, I just get my faith just gets in line with what he said and it's just going to show up, yep.

Speaker 2: 1:02:45

Yep, I love it. Lastly, before I ask you my last question and I ask everyone you mentioned the book for you was like God's heart toward you in written form that other people can read and hopefully form their own relationship with God. If there's one thing you'd have to tell people about picking up this book, reading this book, what do you want to share with them to help them understand why they need to read it?

Speaker 1: 1:03:12

um, I would say it's not a book, it's an invitation. Um, just think about it. Like when you read an invitation, it like it tells you where it's gonna be, it tells you what to wear, it tells you, like, how to show up, but it's not until you receive the invitation. You still gotta show up. And so I feel like it is an invitation. It's going to give you, like what it looks like to be obedient, how it plays out in my life, but then now you got to show up for your own journey. And so I think, if you are in a transition and that could be anywhere from I just finished college, I have no idea what to do to I just started a relationship, right? Or I'm starting a new job, I'm moving across the country, or if you just said yes to Jesus and you like what the heck does this mean for me?

Speaker 1: 1:04:02

I think the book is for you. I think we all have journeys of yes every single day. It is just am I going to be aware of it and am I going to step into it from the largest packing up and moving to another country Cause the Lord said it to paying for coffee for the person behind you? You know what I'm saying. Like it's, it's from the smallest things to the largest things. We all have opportunities. It is waking up every day and saying, okay, god, what should I do with?

Speaker 2: 1:04:25

my day.

Speaker 1: 1:04:26

Yeah, yeah. And so I think, like if you find yourself on anywhere on that spectrum, I think you will enjoy the book. I love it.

Speaker 2: 1:04:32

I lied. I do have one more question before I get to the last question. There are so many things we didn't get to about your journey and part of that, for me, is purposeful, because on my podcast I like to talk about the things that everyone else has not already asked the person For sure, for sure.

Speaker 1: 1:04:46

And go read the book. Right, yeah, and go read the book right, um, but I do want to talk about this as a single woman. You know it, you know it's coming. I'm the poster child for single women and I'm going to tell you why I want to talk to you about this because I got married at 35.

Speaker 2: 1:05:03

Okay, oh, come on lord yeah, I got married at 35 in november I got married at 35, uh, and I was single, single, single, single, single, single. Okay, like and this is no shade to nobody, oh, you weren't dating. No, some of us are single. But like we got a roster and we got a rose and we got all this other stuff going on, right, no condemnation, but just keeping it tall. Like there's a difference between being single and submitted to the Lord and being single but you're still having sex, but you're still with that, you have something to help you get through this.

Speaker 2: 1:05:43

For sure, right, I was single, single, for sure, and for many years. No boyfriend, no dates, no nothing. I dated at like 25 and then I didn't date again until I met my husband at 32.

Speaker 1: 1:05:56

Dang, that's kind of a struggle. I know I went.

Speaker 2: 1:05:59

It was 25, though it was like 28 yeah yeah, I think 26 for me was when that relationship ended. And then there were people in between who I tried to get to know, but not no boyfriends, no, none of that. Um, and when I look at you I see so much of myself. I'm 37 now, I'll be 38 in February In the sense that there's something on your life that God will not allow the wrong man, oh for sure, to mess up right. And when you're in that it's annoying. Well, at least it was for me. Let me not speak for you. It was very annoying because people would say things like this is going to take a special guy and this is going to take a man and all this other stuff right. And I was like, yeah, but where is he at, because where is he at. And I was like, yeah, but where is he at, because where is he at. And I want to say to you that the wait will one be worth it, for sure.

Speaker 2: 1:06:55

But you will also be elevated if that's what God sees for your life, and I wish I had someone who had been through what I had been through, because my, my experience was all people who got married at 25, 24, all people who are usually church yeah, my kid, my friends got kids about the in high school, you know, like you know, and and it was very lonely and I felt very misunderstood because people tried to give me all these spiritual tropes and all these different things, but they had not been through it for sure. What they said was true. Actually, when I look back on, I'm like, yeah, you're right, I don't regret waiting, I think you know, but in the moment it felt very annoying and very frustrating. So I want to say to you one I've been in your shoes, right, um, and I've been in your shoes with an assignment and a call on my life, which is a different kind of woman, because you can't just date anybody, and certain men, even if they are great guys and you will be attracted to them, they're intimidated by you, which is a whole nother thing, right? So we ain't the only people I'm not just like you're here and I went through it For sure there's some other women, many other women watching this podcast who are in a situation like you.

Speaker 2: 1:08:08

They're anointed, they're called, whether it's in business or they may not be in ministry, it could be in business. It could be anything, and it's intimidating to people around them. You know what are you doing, what are you saying yes to? To fight these feelings of maybe, frustration, impatience, and because you show up with a lot of joy. You show up with a lot of joy. You show up with joy, you show up with fun, like you are a time to be around. You don't seem to be sad about your singlehood, although I know you have expressed, like lord, where is he?

Speaker 1: 1:08:40

for sure, yeah, because.

Speaker 2: 1:08:41

I'm not sad about yes.

Speaker 1: 1:08:42

I think, um, I, and it's so funny because I appreciate the church and I mentioned this and the whole room was like girl bye with that. But I am, I have number one. I feel like God was intentional in calling me while I am single, I use the word undivided. I call it a privilege, undivided devotion.

Speaker 2: 1:09:01

Yes, it is.

Speaker 1: 1:09:02

Yeah, I call it a privilege. I am privileged to be undividedly focused on the Lord. This book doesn't happen. If I was in a relationship or married, I wouldn't have been able to tell God yes in the unique ways that I did, like I've had to do some crazy things.

Speaker 1: 1:09:17

If I had a family or a husband, I would have to consider them and all those things, and I also think to paint a picture that says you don't got to wait on God to bring a spouse before you obey him. Yes, you can obey him now and live a very fruitful life. I do. I enjoy life. I have amazing friends. Some of them got husbands, some of them don't got husbands. You know what I'm saying Like. So I think that there are moments typically in ministry. Yeah, after preaching is probably the most time I am aware of my need for recovery.

Speaker 1: 1:09:45

I didn't actually really like it wasn't like a big thing for, like, I wanted to be married, but it wasn't like a big thing until I started ministry, because that's the part they don't talk about. It's just you were just very vulnerable. It was like a feeling I had never felt. I was like, oh my God, I understand a lot of things that I didn't understand, that I understand now, because you pour out so much and then you're left open. I was graced to start preaching at a church where they cared for me, so the executive pastor would stick around and he would make sure I got to my car. They would do things, because they're like she's also single, right, and so I think that.

Speaker 1: 1:10:19

But I enjoy my life and I'm not waiting on a guy. I have some stories for you, even with the Christian Save Me, and it's just like y'all need to stop claiming the Lord because he wouldn't dare love me the way that you're doing these things. So I think like I'm not sad. I fully understand what I carry and I fully understand the weight of it, and it cannot just be given to anybody, because I think what people fail to realize is when you marry someone as a woman, what's on my life submits to him. And if he doesn't have the capacity now, I have diminished what God is taking all these years to build. And you have to do it, because that's obedience to.

Speaker 1: 1:10:57

Christ. That is the standard of kingdom marriage and so I think that, because I understand that, it's like I think about all of the guys I've dated or talked to and I'm like absolutely not.

Speaker 2: 1:11:07

They couldn't have been in.

Speaker 1: 1:11:07

That it's like I think about all of the guys I've dated or talked to and I'm like absolutely not, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:11:10

I'm saying, and I gotta explain to you what speaking in tongues is and why, well, why were they doing that?

Speaker 1: 1:11:13

yeah, and here's the thing I don't necessarily want to marry somebody who wants to be a pastor. Yeah, or I didn't, you know. I'm saying like I'm fine with him working in tech. Yeah, you know, I'm saying he could be a doctor and serve on a ministry at the church and I'm fine with that that's my marriage, because he needs to have an understanding of ministry right In context. But I'm not like. You know what I'm saying. I'm open.

Speaker 2: 1:11:34

First of all, you need good health insurance and somebody to help you pay your bills and ministry, and somebody who doesn't want to quote scriptures all the time, like I think that's the other thing.

Speaker 1: 1:11:43

I think there's a layer because I have a certain level of influence, so it's really hard to date, yep Cause people know me and so that makes it harder. And then people be weird and it's like I don't, I don't want, I love Jesus, but maybe not first date talk yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, yeah, and not the entire date.

Speaker 2: 1:11:59

Yeah, we've already established.

Speaker 1: 1:12:01

We love Jesus, but like what do you like? Like you know what I'm saying? I love to play around Like I'm goofy, I'm a kid and my parents are best friends. They will be arguing and two seconds later, kathleen like they wasn't just fighting.

Speaker 1: 1:12:15

And I'm like you guys are special, but I've grown up seeing that dynamic, and so there's something that I desire, so I'm cool with waiting Now. I am going now, lord, because I also think that there are certain things that the Lord's going to walk me into that I have to have a covering for, and so I'm aware of that, and the Lord is too, so I trust him, good Trust him, keep trusting him.

Speaker 2: 1:12:36

I love your heart for it. I love your heart about it. We talked about it when we first met and I just believe that God is going to move powerfully in that way in your life when he's ready to.

Speaker 1: 1:12:45

Yeah, and I think it's going to happen quick yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:12:47

And I'm going to just pop up married like the rest of the that was me. I like that vibe. I said, oh, that was me, y'all done, just popped up, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:12:53

Hey, they're like oh, we didn't even know you was it wasn't your business. It wasn't your business. When a woman is in ministry, my husband gets more upset about the inequality that I experience because I'm a woman than I do. He does not understand it. He's like we ain't got to be here. He tell me all the time you can leave, you don't got to be there. You know what I mean, and people at my church will watch this, but it is what it is. You don't have to be anywhere, and that's a covering that people don't talk about either, the covering to be able to move. No, we'll talk off camera.

Speaker 2: 1:13:27

Yeah, no, but he's not going to put you with somebody who doesn't offer you that Exactly, and also the safety of being soft.

Speaker 1: 1:13:34

Yes, I think like there is this misconception. When someone is building or moving and doing all the things, yeah, it's like, oh, she just wants be an independent woman. I'm independent because I'm single. Yeah, I got no choice. And let me tell you, I don't want to be independent in my marriage. My dad takes very good care of me. You won't be, always has, and I want to be. I literally am like no, I want to be passenger princess, and I don't want to use my brain. You won't, because I use it all the time. I'm going to tell you right now.

Speaker 2: 1:14:00

The Lord is so gracious with women. I've seen this dynamic time and time again, so I'm not just talking about my life. He is so gracious with women like us because he knows we need a soft place to land For sure. He knows that we I don't want to be the boss. I'm the boss in a lot of places, Everywhere In my home. I don't know nothing. What you want me to do, no idea you know what I mean. Nothing. Know the name of it. I don't know how to pay out. I don't know nothing.

Speaker 1: 1:14:25

I don't know nothing. That is how I want to be, but that's not good though.

Speaker 2: 1:14:28

I'm actually about to repent of that.

Speaker 1: 1:14:29

You can just put it in a Google Doc, the.

Speaker 2: 1:14:31

Lord forbid. That's what I told them.

Speaker 1: 1:14:32

I said I need to know something because if you get sick or something, God forbid For sure.

Speaker 2: 1:14:39

But let me tell you, because for years I did this for myself, yeah, so, and the Lord will give you that because he knows you need to turn your brain off for the assignments that he's given, for the mandate that he has on your life, and so I'm just praying. I pray for single Christian women all the time, because I was just one. This is a new era for me and I understand the messaging the world tries to give us about who we are. We're too this, we're too that, we're not enough this, we're not enough that, especially a black woman, especially a black, dark-skinned woman. It's all the things I just want to say. This may not even make it because we're over time, but I just want to say to you the Lord will provide when he is ready, for sure, and you will not miss a thing.

Speaker 2: 1:15:21

I tell people I would wait another 35 years. For my husband, the Lord said well, you got to wait till you're 70. For him, I sure will wait, because that is the way in which he loves, provides, protects, covers, helps me to achieve my purposes that the Lord put over me, and there were many things that God had to make me wait until I was 35 so that I could do kind of like you said. Certain things just would not have happened had I gotten married earlier. So I'm encouraged by your spirit about that and I want more women. My prayer is that more women feel how you feel, the sadness and weirdness about it. We got to. We got to the devil. You can't let the devil use that.

Speaker 1: 1:15:55

Yeah, like that that will probably be my next book, and it was funny.

Speaker 2: 1:16:00

Come on next book.

Speaker 1: 1:16:01

I was in London in the past because I mentioned that everybody on the panel was married and they were like asking me something and I was like oh, I'm the wealthiest person up here and they all looked at me.

Speaker 1: 1:16:12

I'm like. I'm like no, let's be clear, I am because I get to undividedly follow the Lord while they got to figure their lives out and um, and so he started laughing and he was like nah, he was like who knows that after you finish that, if the Lord will then open the door, he said said because the way that you articulated, he said I'm married. I can't say it. He said we saying the same thing. I said but we ain't listening because you married.

Speaker 2: 1:16:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:16:34

So you get to say what you're going to say and then going on home to your wife.

Speaker 2: 1:16:36

Right, while we going home by ourselves Right.

Speaker 1: 1:16:38

Exactly Trying to figure out what we going to binge watch able to find the joy in it? Not because I want to, you know, live in it forever but, I've. Paul said I've learned how to be content. Yes, in all circumstances.

Speaker 2: 1:16:51

Let me ask you our final question. It's this in the grand scheme of things, what do you want your legacy to be?

Speaker 1: 1:17:00

man. That girl really loved the Lord and lived her life like she did. That's like I, for real, like I think. I would want you to know that more than my name. What was that?

Speaker 2: 1:17:10

one girl.

Speaker 1: 1:17:11

I don't know she's always be screaming all the time, but she loved Jesus, yeah, and lived her life like she, really like it was real for her and so real that it compels you to want to love Jesus the same way like I. I find I think the highest compliment is like building relationships with people and they saying, like man, you made me want to pick up my Bible or you made like I've been in church all my life, but something about the way you talk about your relationship with God made me want to build my own and I think like I'm good with that. I mean I could. There are a list of things, dreams I have, but I think on my tombstone I would want it to say she really loved Jesus.

Speaker 2: 1:17:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. That's an incredible way to end. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1: 1:17:53

Thank you for having me.

Speaker 2: 1:17:53

Y'all go get the book. You can pre-order it right now on Amazon, but it'll be out on the 24th, right? You want to go get it? Listen she looking fly on the back. You know what I'm saying. Get the book, read it, um.

Speaker 2: 1:18:06

Do reviews on it, write reviews talk about it let's make sure that our sister succeeds, um, so that we can get that second book. Yes, um, brenda, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, and that's another episode of I'll Just Let Myself and what your Girlish Speaks. I'm so grateful for your time locking in with us and listening to my conversation with Brenda Palmer about her new book, the Journey of. Yes, I want to encourage you, give us some feedback. If you love what you hear, if you like what you're seeing, send it to someone and encourage them with what you were encouraged with. So be sure to like, subscribe, leave comments and share with the people in your life all the things that you are loving about what we do here. If you're listening on Holy Culture, sirius XM, channel 140, please let them know that you're loving the show. If you're watching on Holy Culture's YouTube or my YouTube, we're so happy to have you here. I want to hear from you, leave your comments and we'll see you same place, same time next week. Peace.