Speaker 1: 0:00

You are the most like me in a lot of ways, and I tell people all the time you have taken the best of me and multiplied it a thousand times. You're what I had hoped to be.

Speaker 2: 0:23

I wasn't going to do this.

Speaker 1: 0:24

I wasn't gonna do this and I know that that is more to come from each of you in your own arenas.

Speaker 2: 0:58

What's up everybody. Welcome to another episode of I'll Just Let Myself In the podcast, where we do not wait for an imaginary permission slip but we go through our God-given doors. Listen, if you can let yourself in somewhere, that means that the mechanism to open the door is around. The key may be under the metal in the rock, or you might be able to just clearly go through the door here at I'll Just Let Myself In. That is the whole premise of this podcast. And listen, we usually start off talking about going into different things, and this episode in honor of Father's Day is called Into Fatherhood, and I could not do a Father's Day episode without bringing in my dad, my father, Kevin Gerald. So today, on our episode of I'll Just Let Myself In, my special guest is my dad. Give it up, y'all.

Speaker 1: 1:49

Welcome, welcome, welcome, I feel welcome. Welcome. Thank you for having me and thank you to Holy Culture Radio and talking about Father's Day, and there is a lot to be said. There is a lot to be said because it's a continual process of learning and loving.

Speaker 2: 2:04

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let me just say this Happy Father's Day to you and thank you for being the amazing father that you are. I love you.

Speaker 1: 2:12

Thank you so much and I love you also.

Speaker 2: 2:15

And this is going to be a great episode. I can tell you right now. But first you know what we got to do. We have one of the best segments in podcast television. It's called what I'm Stepping In, where I share with you the sneakers that I have on for the day, and my dad is going to join. So first, dad, say what's up to the people and we're going to get into what I'm Stepping In.

Speaker 1: 2:32

Hello everybody and shout out to you Alicia and Holy Culture Radio.

Speaker 2: 2:36

Yeah, shout out to Holy Culture Radio always. I hope you guys are tuning in checking out the show. We're on Holy Culture Radio every Monday night, 8 pm, eastern Standard Time, channel 140 on Sirius XM Radio. Let's get into what I'm stepping in so you guys can check out our sneakers for today.

Speaker 2: 2:52

For me, I have on the Saucony and yes, that's Saucony, not Saucony. Now listen, if you're from Brooklyn, if you're from New York, you've been saying Saucony for the last 30 or 40 years, but from New York you've been saying Soconi for the last 30 or 40 years, but apparently it is pronounced Soconi. But I have on the Omni 9s. I got them on in green. It's like green orange and a little bit of metallic gold. This sneaker is super comfortable. It's really giving that walkable sneaker trend that's out right now with Asics and New Balance and all that kind of thing, and so Saucony is doing his thing right now. I'm really excited about the next J-Tip collab. I don't have any of the J-Tips, so if you are, you know, if you love me, you like me, we peoples and you got to connect, please make sure I get that next drop. But I'm really loving what Saucony is doing right now and I will be supporting even more. So that, supporting even more. So that's what I'm stepping in. You know the drill.

Speaker 1: 3:47

if you like them? Go get you some. Dad, tell people what you're stepping in. Yeah, today I'm in um the adidas ultra boost 1.0. Shout out to the legacy family. They're uh, running walking shoe, very comfortable and appropriately um. They're white and I'm in the peach state with a peach trim yes, nice, you see.

Speaker 2: 4:04

You see where I get it from. My dad just described the sneaker so well, listen, he was recently honored through Adidas Legacy, so it was really cool to see that as well. We'll talk a little bit about that. But as well, y'all know the drill If you like them, go get you some. That's what I'm stepping in today.

Speaker 2: 4:25

So, as I said, I'm super excited about this episode because I have my dad here and you know there are not very many people on earth who I feel understand me as much as my father does because we're just very similar.

Speaker 2: 4:37

We're very similar people and a lot of the way that I think about the world, a lot of the way that I show up in the world, I don't see in other people until I see or talk to my dad and I'm like, oh, that's the way I get that from. And so, dad, I'm excited to have you here. I'm excited for my audience to get to hear from you, get to hear your story, whatever parts of it that you want to share. I want to ask you as we get started you know this episode is going to be entitled Into Fatherhood and we're going to talk a little bit about you, not just as a dad to me and my siblings, but just fatherhood in general. Okay, father figures, you know, coaches, things of that nature and so I wanted to ask you you know, when you've been a father now for 40 years, your oldest child is 40 years old. I'm putting you on blast.

Speaker 1: 5:32

Okay.

Speaker 2: 5:32

Okay, I'm good with that. You've been a dad for 40 years. What do you feel like you would tell a dad that's becoming a dad for the first time that you've learned these 40 years?

Speaker 1: 5:43

Over the 40 years. What I've learned these 40 years, over the 40 years, what I've learned most is to be there, no matter what the circumstance may be, the extenuating circumstances, the outside circumstances. Be there to the best of your ability and you'll be surprised what that will do for your child yeah, that's a good answer.

Speaker 2: 6:03

That's a good answer. That's a good answer. What do you, when you think about you, know, when you first became a father, you were young. I won't say the age, but you were young. What do you do? You feel like you were ready to be a dad? Do you feel like you even thought about that?

Speaker 1: 6:18

No, I didn't think that I was ready, but one of the things was that I think I was kind of like a later father in respect to what happens in our community and in a lot of communities. I was a father later, but I think that I stepped into it, you know, lovingly and willingly to be a good dad.

Speaker 2: 6:45

Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you were in your late 20s, right? So?

Speaker 2: 6:47

that is late and I can you actually know what? That's right? I'm thinking it's older because I'm old and I don't got no kids yet, but that is later in most communities. And I think that you know one of the things that hindsight teaches you, or life just teaches you, is that when you do something and you are, you know, maybe one of the first people in your family or in your group that's trying to do it a certain way you know there are things that you just have to learn. You know within the time, and so, amongst your friends and family, did you see a lot of fathers? Did you have a lot of examples?

Speaker 1: 7:27

Yes, I did have examples, uh, and, as I said, some of my friends had had children earlier than than I did, uh, but I did have some examples and and as in life, you have positive and negative examples and even through both cases you can learn from. Yeah, you know, a lot of times we think that something happened negatively, that you can't learn from it. I often refer to a point of something saying you know, I can tell you, I may not be able to tell you what works, but I could definitely tell you what doesn't work.

Speaker 2: 7:58

Yeah, yes, you do say that a lot, so you have a lot of isms. My dad has a lot of sayings that a lot, so you have a lot of isms. My dad has a lot of sayings. When I was growing up, when I would call my father's cell phone, he would have these deep sayings or as his voicemail. And so you've gotten and given a lot of advice over the years. What has been the best piece of advice?

Speaker 1: 8:22

that you have received from another Black man. There are, are, I would say, two black men that's not family that have given me great advice, and one is the late dr walter l james, and um, he would always say um, everybody knows something about something, but nobody knows everything about everything.

Speaker 2: 8:53

Yeah, and that means to me you know that we all have something to contribute yeah, we all have something to contribute and we all have something to learn, you know.

Speaker 1: 9:05

I think that there's such a.

Speaker 2: 9:09

you know June is Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. I don't know if you biological son, but also father figures in young males lives. I think it's important that, even when men are in their twenties and thirties, that there are men in their forties and f 50s and 60s mentoring and fathering and advising them, and they can get there from a man of any color. But I do think it's something very specific about the black male experience in America that only another black male can really help you navigate fully. And so for you, you know, as you were maturing as a man and having those figures in your life, you know what do you feel like was the most helpful thing that they did for you in terms of your maturation?

Speaker 1: 10:15

Well, as I spoke about the late Dr James, he was a man that came into my life later on, when I was a grown adult with children, into my life later on, when I was a grown adult with children and, as I said, his ism was what I spoke on and he talked about knowledge, class and style Earlier on in life.

Speaker 1: 10:34

There's a gentleman named Drake Toledo. His thing was be a strong young man. You know, through athletics he taught us to be accountable to yourself, to your teammates, be responsible and have confidence. So those two gentlemen, especially early on in my life with Coach Drake, was very important and I carry that message on today, when I share with young athletes and young people in general.

Speaker 2: 11:09

Yeah, let's talk about athletics. I have on a New U-Trick football jersey. My father played football for New U-Trick in Brooklyn as a teen and was a part of the wave of some of the first Black students in that school, and that is a story in and of itself. Just at that time, you know, I think, as you told me before, you didn't take it that seriously, but you knew later on the impact that it had you know?

Speaker 1: 11:36

yeah, it was uh to make a long story short. Um, I grew up in Brownsville, brooklyn. Brownsville never ran never will.

Speaker 2: 11:45

You can make the long story long.

Speaker 1: 11:47

We got time. You know, talking about Brownsville, I'm not a tough guy from Brownsville, but I'm Brownsville tough, yeah. And that means that wherever I go, I can stand, as they say, 10 toes down. Growing up in Brownsville, my mom never allowed me pretty much to go to school with my friends. She didn't shelter me from having friends, but you know every intersection middle school to high school she never allowed me to. From elementary school I went to a different middle school from my friends. From middle school I went to a different middle school from my friend. From middle school I went to a different high school from my friend. So going to high school, there was a school I wanted to go to and I didn't get accepted. They wanted to zone me to a school and that wasn't acceptable to her.

Speaker 1: 12:41

So she would get off work. She worked in the post office the midnight shift. She would get off work and every day we would go down to the Board of Ed and sit down there and try to convince them to allow me to go to a school. And they were trying to convince us that we had to go to the zone school. So this went on for a little over a month and at some point I guess she was getting a little tired too.

Speaker 1: 13:08

And they were getting a little tired too. They said, ma'am, he's not going to go to the school he wants to go to. And she said, well, he's not going to go to the school you want to go to, you want him to go to. So they kind of met in the middle ground and that's how I ended up at new utric now. At that time the school was probably I'm sure it was out of compliance as far as minorities. So I was part of, uh, the civil rights movement, without even knowing that that's what I was taking place, and me and a host of other young black kids from Bed-Stuy, brownsville, east New York.

Speaker 2: 13:48

Yeah, Amazing, Amazing. You were inducted into the Hall of Fame a couple of years ago at New Utrecht and your you know your contribution to the history of that school was recognized. What did that feel like for you?

Speaker 1: 14:05

history of that school was recognized. What did that feel like for you? Well, uh, that was a real surprise and a humbling moment moment because, um, throughout my time growing up and competing with people, I played with and against some amazing athletes and amazing people, and I always looked at myself as being good but not amazing. So when I was inducted, it was appreciative and and humbling because it was totally unexpected. Yeah, I didn't know that was coming. And that's life, you know, you get things that happen, amazing things. That's that you don't expect yeah, that's good.

Speaker 2: 14:42

It's Blessings that rain down on you. I want to talk about your experiences in athletics, on both sides. Right, you've experienced athletics as an athlete, you've experienced athletics as a coach. You've experienced athletics as a recruiter, as a ref On every side you've kind of experienced athletics and as a kid who grew up without his dad but had uncles and father figures and coaches right. How important is it for this generation? Cause you're still working with athletes to this day, right, in many ways, and you can go as far into that as you want to or not, but uh, how important is it for the parents of the generation? Let's start with the parents, because I feel like they're the ones. That's really confused. How important is it for the parents of the generation to understand the impact that being a part of a sports team or having a coach could have on a child that might be struggling socially?

Speaker 1: 15:45

I believe that for the young people, it's very important because it teaches so many things about what life is about Teamwork, success, failure, determination, stick-to-itiveness. There are so many things that you learn from competing that are like life. You know the same thing going to happen as you rolled in and work and interact with people. You're going to have adversity, you're going to have success, you're going to plan and that plan is not going to work, so you have to adjust. So this these are the things that sports teach you.

Speaker 1: 16:25

You talked about the coaches, as you heard me speak about some, uh, gentlemen early on in my life. These men and there's several others. I talked about coach drake. Uh, there's a gentleman uh, william jones, bobby bobby jones, we call him bj. Uh, his brother, harold.

Speaker 1: 16:42

These are all guys that were in Brownsville that were doing this stuff with youth, and I'm not the only one, obviously. They were doing stuff with youth that impacted our lives and a lot of us turned out to be good, positive, strong, young black men. Yeah, we made mistakes, we weren't perfect, but you know the impact that they played in our life carried on to our adulthood and, as we sometime are together, we enjoy in remembering them, you know, and the things that I do I tell people all the time is in honor of them, because I remember asking why do you do this? You don't get paid, and they said so that one day when you have the opportunity to do it, you can do it. And now we call it paying forward. But you know, at that time we did pay back.

Speaker 1: 17:32

You know, and you talked about the parents. The parents are loving. They want the best for their children. Sometimes they don't know what's best for their children. In that arena, meaning the sport, let the coaches coach, let them develop your child. You know, with your assistance you don't have to be overbearing with the coaches or the officials. You know most of these people here are out here doing this for the love of it and nobody's getting rich off of it at the ground level. Yes, so allow them, be respectful, be appreciative and make it a team with you and the individual that's interacting with your child.

Speaker 2: 18:24

Yeah, absolutely, that's good and I think, remembering that coaches have a unique space in a child's life that they may be able to get through to your child when you can't and it's not just sports this could be if your child is a part of the debate team or mathletes or a part of a church youth group Right, your child needs outside influences, outside voices that are positive and that you can trust to tell them the right thing. And so, even when I think of think back on my life, there's so many adults when I was a child who now I'm still friends with, kind of like peers now, but they were my mentors in many ways as a child and as great as you know, I have an amazing mother who, my mom, taught me everything I would need to know to be a good woman in this world. Right, she did that. But even with that, there are women who I would not be who I am had they not imparted their wisdom and their life experiences on me and had not guided me and told me don't do that or stop doing that. Are you doing too much? You know, without that, you know mentorship and guidance.

Speaker 2: 19:36

Even in my early 20s I know I wouldn't be where I am. Even in my early 20s I know I wouldn't be where I am, and so community is so important and, to be honest, in this climate that we're in in this country right now, community is just going to be more important than ever. You can't get around community. I'm very hard on myself about not getting super sad about what's going on in the government, because my community has always withstood. You know anything, you know what I mean, and so I know that as long as we stick together and as long as we hold each other up and hold each other down, depending on the situation I know that we'll we'll overcome, and so those, those things are very important. I want to pivot, I feel like as a father of three, three very different people, as a father who I feel like, if I could be frank, whose relationship with all three of those children have developed at different paces, right um, what do you feel like you're learning, even now, as a father of adults?

Speaker 1: 20:38

you know, know, that's interesting and it's accurate the way that you presented it. I'm learning that I still have to kind of nurture and show fatherly care and love and input to all three of my children. Children, but not necessarily in the sense of being overbearing or uh are controlling or trying to demand certain things. Um, for yourself it's it's more like we bounce things off one another. I feel comfortable talking to you about things that's going on in my life. What do you think, what you know, how you feel about this? What do you think about something I'm thinking about doing or something I'm doing, uh, with your sister? Uh, you know it, I like to kind of nurture her more, encourage her more and, you know, be more supportive of her because, um, that's what I feel she needs. And and and with and with my son, your brother. I just want to let him know that I'm here for him, that I'm proud of him and I'm happy where he's at in life and that I know that life is going to improve for him.

Speaker 2: 21:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, and I think all three of us feel that you're proud of us, you know. I think all three of us feel that you are happy with where we are, you know yes, I am. We, we, all three, I can confidently say try to lead a life where our parents don't have to worry about us, where our parents don't have to worry about if we're going to be all right. You know now you are going to worry because you're our parents.

Speaker 2: 22:17

That's what parents do and we worry about you all, absolutely you know, like that's love, that's family, but I think that there's a, a mutual respect amongst us all um, which I think is is helpful, you know, and healthy and healthy. Yeah, you know, and I always tell people that our relationship has evolved. We always had a good relationship, never had a bad one, but I think it's definitely evolved over the years. And growing up in a home, I always say I grew up in a single parent home. But my father was very involved and sometimes people are like well, what does that mean? I'm like he never missed a Christmas or a birthday or a graduation or anything important in my life. He just didn't live with us. You know, and I think that there were. You know my parents were married. So it's not like, and listen, that's no slam against anyone whose parents didn't get married, but I think that did bring a little bit of a different type of stability when it came to like co-parenting.

Speaker 2: 23:14

It wasn't like you had kids with some chick you didn't really like, like that, and then was trying to figure it out on the back end. It was like we were married. This didn't work, but we're still going to. You know, I'm still going to be very much involved in my children's life and I think that you know for me, growing up, there were feelings of uncertainty in my relationship with you just because you didn't. We weren't in the home.

Speaker 2: 23:39

And I remember as I went to high school, I went to high school where my dad worked, which I did not want to go to this high school. It's the best decision I ever made, but I did not want to do it. Uh, or it was ever made for me, because both him and my mom were, like you, going Um. But I went to a high school in Harlem at Frederick Douglass Academy. I'm from Brooklyn, bed-stuy. I wanted to go to high school with my friends. I wanted to go to Midwood or Banneker or something. Boys and girls, I did not want to go all the way to Harlem and I had to wear a uniform and I was like uniform, like I've always been into fashion. High school was going to be my time to step, and it wasn't no stepping. I was stepping in that blue and white and making sure I was academy, as they used to say.

Speaker 2: 24:26

So at that time, going to high school where my dad worked, I got to see my father every single day for like four years, and I think it really fortified our relationship in a way that my siblings didn't necessarily get One. We're more alike. I'm more like my father than I'm like any person on earth. So that already is. It gives us a, I think, a different type of bond. I think my sister is more like my mom. My brother is like himself. I don't know who Jared is like. I don't know who Jared is like. He's a fantastic human being. I'm going to get him on the couch eventually too, one of my favorite people on earth. But I'm definitely like my dad, and so I think that made our bond easier. But even in, as I said earlier, the last decade, I feel like our relationship has just blossomed like a flower, you know, like truly.

Speaker 2: 25:23

You know there's been a lot of different circumstances. One I went through a breakup in my mid twenties and it. It forced me to have a conversation with. I don't even know if you remember this, but it forced me to have a conversation with you about, um, heartbreak and that guy not being the first guy to break my heart, and that my relationship with you as a child like I wanted more from you, um, and that allowed you to explain to me where you were at as a. As an adult, I got to talk to my father as an adult and really hear him and listen to him and we just started, like you said, bouncing stuff over each other, just sharing, like having a real friendship. You know, we always were friends, like because we like the same stuff, um, but now we were like heart friends. You know, like I felt, I felt a deep emotional connection to you since that moment and I've never not felt it since then yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 26:18

Well, you know that. I remember the situation. I remember telling you that it will pass. I remember you telling me that you know it wasn't that that was. He wasn't the first male to break your heart. And when you said I was, I was kind of taken aback by it, you know and, and I was hurt by it, of taken aback by it, you know and, and I was hurt by it, and rightfully so.

Speaker 1: 26:46

When someone you love your child, your daughter, when, when you're a man, because your daughters you have particular love for that, you probably the only other person that that's probably comparable with your mother, and then your wife, you know, uh, and they're all three like one, one, a, one a, a. You know that. So they're so close. But your daughter, when you're a male, you have a daughter, you want nothing but the best for her. You know, because as a man, you know what lays in wait for her as a woman. So you know you only hope the best for her. So when you told me that, you know, it kind of Some people say force, but I'm going to say it kind of had me open up to you about where I was as an individual, certain points in my life, where I am now with you, meaning at that time, and where I'd like to be moving forward.

Speaker 1: 27:47

And I think that dynamic opened up everything and I probably never said this to you before, but I think by us developing that it just opened it up for your brother and your sister. You know it just opened it up for your brother and your sister. You know it just opened it up for your brother and your sister to accept certain things and believe that we can move forward in an extremely positive nature and with both your brothers we have we joke, we laugh at each other other. You know, we know what jokes are coming. Sephra knows what jokes want to come when a certain subject comes up. You know jared knows when a certain jokes are going to come when a certain subject comes up. You know I have nicknames for all of you which I'm not going to say. You guys could disclose those at your own leisure, but you know, and to this day I still call you guys those nicknames from time to time and, like you're smiling now, you know when I say it to you.

Speaker 2: 28:51

I get to smile. Yes, yes, I love it. I think one of the things I really try to implement or not implement, but try to communicate to dads is it's never too late. There's so many dads who never apologize to their kids, who never explain right. It's not about making excuses, but there are real. There were real reasons, that things. You know what I mean and I needed to hear those reasons now.

Speaker 2: 29:21

It's up to you as the child. So if you're going to be, oh, you're just making excuses or whatever that you know. I and I won't speak too much to this because it's their story to tell. But I had some very serious talks with my siblings about forgiveness. You, you gotta, our parents are human beings, you know. They are human beings who had a whole life experience before we got here, who may have dealt with fatherlessness their self, even my mom, you know. Again, I won't tell. I'm gonna get her on the couch too, but I won't tell her story. It's her story to tell. But you know, even having a dad in her life, it wasn't the type of dad she would have wished for.

Speaker 2: 29:56

You know you know, even as amazing as my grandmother was and you know, and as amazing as my nana was. There are things they did to y'all or around y'all that affected y'all and I try to help my siblings and all adult children. Remember our parents are people, so we have to. If we want peace and if we want a good relationship with them, we have to give them grace and forgive Doesn't mean you can't express. I'm. I'm very good at expressing to you and my mom right what but? But I think that's what makes our relationship so good.

Speaker 1: 30:31

A lot of kids don't want to say nothing because they think, oh, you know, but sometimes that's the breakthrough yes, well that you need talking, talking about my relationship with my children one of the things that I've put aside. I'll carry it forever because it is what I am. I'm your father, I'm your dad. But one of the things I put aside when I'm talking to you guys and dealing with situation or want to voice something or you ask me my view, I I think a little more like now, as like I'm a counselor. You know, I I don't demand that you do what I say doesn't mean what I say is um 100 right, uh, it's going to work, but I'm a counselor. I give you what I have for my strength, hope and experience and hope that it works for you.

Speaker 1: 31:22

And the other thing you've heard me say this time and time again that I'll say the greater majority of parents that when they give their child advice something, they're saying it so that the child can be successful. You know they're not digging a ditch and say walk. That way they are telling you what they think, not say digging a ditch and say walk. That way they are telling you what they think would be the most successful thing for you to do in that situation. Now don't always turn out to be successful. That that's the reality of it. But when they're giving you that information, they're doing it from a point of hoping that you're successful. Yes, you know. And shout out to Leroy and Lucy I had the best in-laws. Shout out to my grandparents and my nana, of course, my dad's mom I had really great.

Speaker 2: 32:11

I always felt very loved and it informs how confident People you're so confident. I've never not felt like a superstar Ever in my life In my family. You know what I mean. Even if I was never successful anywhere else, I always knew I was loved. My skin color was always champion. You know, shout out to my aunts. They called me my aunt. Sharon called me chocolate chip from the day I was born. You know um my mother's family, always. You know, there's just always a lot of love. I you was telling that story about nana at the border and I'm like that's me, that's me. You can tell my husband probably like that's me, my kid. We talk now. We don't even have kids, but I talk now about the education. I will not allow them to be somewhere where they're not going to be, you know, nurtured in the way that I feel like they need to be nurtured.

Speaker 1: 33:12

You know, and I, I there's so much of them all inside of me, even leroy and you know, talking about the education and the part with my mom you call her nana, I call her mama uh, fighting for me to go to certain schools.

Speaker 1: 33:21

We have to remember at that time it was the norm that you would think and it didn't have to necessarily be so but you would think that in other communities there were better opportunities. And it's a fact. Let's not say to think there was a fact maybe not in Brooklyn, new York, but other locations, and possibly even in Brooklyn, new York that that the opportunity to be better educated were not necessarily in our communities. You know. So I understood later on why she was so adamant in that and what she was doing. As I said, I think some of my friends that went to some of those schools in my community are very intelligent, very successful. They can rival in a lot of things with anyone else in the world. But at that time her thinking was that I'm going to try to do the best for him, to get him to be as ready as possible.

Speaker 1: 34:20

By the way, with that shout out to coach alan lee, which, uh, my high school coach, uh, I talk to him regularly, uh, you know, and this is 50 years ago, and uh, that's the thing, he, he's a good man yeah, and he loves him.

Speaker 2: 34:36

Yes, cares about my nephews. Ask about them, you know it's. You know I know you guys heard ask about them. You know it's. You know I know you guys heard Leibovitz, so you know he's not a black man, but that's important too, to know that. You know there are people in and outside of our community that benefit our community when they care about our young people. You know, and I have people in my life who've been black, white and everything else who have helped me and it's it's important. I love that he's still, that you guys still talk 50 years later yeah, he gets on me, because I still call him coach.

Speaker 1: 35:11

He always tell me you can call me Alan now, every now, and then I'll say it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, tell me a little bit about you.

Speaker 2: 35:25

Know these last? You've retired in the last several years, even though you still be moving and shaking um. You've retired and you're on a different side of life right now. Right trying to figure out, you know what your next thing will be. But also really prioritizing family, you know, prioritizing your time with your grandsons. Tell me about this, this era.

Speaker 1: 35:48

It's, it's, it's wonderful. I mean, you know I've been working to some degree always. You know I came up in a family that you know hardworking people. You know that understood the value of earning a living, and my parents and family taught me that you have to be able to sustain yourself. The family wasn't a family that looked for my parents, didn't look for me to be able to develop, to take care of them. If that had had happened, of course I would have done it, they would have appreciated. But the development was that you have to be able to take care of you, especially as a male, yeah, and and even my sisters, even more so for them because, like I said, being a woman is is special in itself. So they were adamant about us being able to just take care of ourselves. It wasn't that that we grow up, so we can work and take care of them uh, talk about that too in a second and uh.

Speaker 1: 36:50

As far as uh work and you know I had a wonderful career. You know I had a couple of careers. You know I had a couple of careers. Let's talk about the longest one. But I want to talk about the career with the new york city police department school safety division.

Speaker 1: 37:06

I went into that, you know, not thinking uh, knowing that it would take me where it took me. Um, I became a uh supervisor in a leadership position and for I would say, 28 years I was what they call a boss. You know, after four years at my position I was put into a leadership position and supervisory position and for 20 years that's what I did. And again with that position, you know it all goes back to what I learned through my activity with those men I spoke about early on and later. You know my early coaches, my later mentors and my ability for my athletic career. Like I said, I think I was a good player but I played with some amazing people but stuff that I learned that if I had done certain things earlier on in my athletic career I would have even excelled even more. I would have even excelled even more, but now I could take those experiences and use them in my career to excel and to raise people up.

Speaker 2: 38:29

yeah, yeah, I love that and you've done it. And you retired and there's, you know, articles of you wrestling knives out of hands and you know there's a time where people were bringing guns to schools and all those things and you really, you really are a hero, thank you. You really are a hero. And so many people still refer to me as Gerald's daughter. You, gerald's daughter, right, I'm like, yes, right, I'm like yes, um, and so, um, as a sergeant, over all the schools that you were over and just a presence in harlem, particularly while you were at fda, and you know the other schools that you, you, you manned. You know you've been awarded and rewarded and all, and recognize all the things. But I want to just recognize you as your child, you know, for providing that sense of safety and community for so many people. And you know I'm proud to be your kid. You know I'm proud when people say, oh, yeah, that's your daughter, I'm like, yes, yes, I am.

Speaker 1: 39:31

Well, I appreciate that, and one of the things that you know you talked about a little earlier was the input of how community works. And I didn't set out to be law enforcement. That was never one of my goals, you know, but I stepped into it, it became a career and I tried to do it to the best of my ability. You know, one of the things while I was working long hours, arduous hours and, as you said, you were there for a lot of them, especially during that time when you were a student at FDA was that I had confidence. My belief was that there's someone putting in that same effort for my children at their schools, at their schools. The parents could entrust that I had their child's safety at the forefront, you know. Also, it wasn't just the law enforcement aspect, it was the mentoring. You know you talked about me coaching. You know I did coach, assistant coach at the school with the basketball team. We had some amazing players. We had some amazing players, we had some amazing seasons, but it was also the mentoring of the students in general. It wasn't just about just law enforcement, it was life lessons, how, if you do this, it's going to impact you in this way. Lessons how, if you do this, it's going to impact you in this way, why I took certain steps to protect you, rather than a silly mistake you made as a 16 year old, 15 year old, 14 year old that could deter you from being successful as a 22 year old or 30 year old. You know, so that that was important and it was a very fulfilling career.

Speaker 1: 41:25

Um, as you said, certain awards. You know I still I'm humbled by them, and even you know I don't talk about it a lot. You know I don't talk about it a lot. Uh, you know, but I was given certain awards for, for, um, things that I've done, and you know I'm very proud of it. I am proud of them and I really need to get my family really to see them where they're at.

Speaker 1: 41:56

You know how I'm on certain boards for lack of a better word or posted my name. It'll be there forever. So that's one of the things I want to do in this retirement is to take my grandsons to see their granddad's name up in history, and that's a beautiful thing that they can see that you can accomplish things and impact people. You know one of the things that I learned from one of my friends who, like I said, a great athlete. He were in arenas that I wasn't able to get to, but the late great Jim Brown told him that you know, if you haven't done anything to impact the youth in your community, you haven't done anything.

Speaker 2: 42:47

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:48

That's really a strong statement for us as people.

Speaker 2: 42:50

Yeah, absolutely, you know, and youth and community really start at home, and you now have three grandsons. My brother has three amazing, beautiful, smart One of them is only six months, but he's beautiful and smart um children. And so you have three grandsons, which is extending your legacy. They have your last name. I think I want to talk about something that that may be a little bit difficult, but I think it's important. You had to in order to have the relationship with your grandsons that you have now. You had to repair your relationship with your son right, yes, and, like I said earlier, so many dads never apologize. They just never get it right. Right, but you've gotten it right, you know, with your adult son. I want you to talk about your experience, but also talk to dads who need to get it right with their son. Getting it right with your daughter is right. We got it right. We're good Been. Good Daughters are different.

Speaker 2: 43:55

A lot of times, dads never go back and get it right with their sons, and some people die not ever having gotten an apology or had having that conversation with their dads. And so talk to me about that experience with you and my brother and just what you would give advice to other dads with their sons.

Speaker 1: 44:15

Well, that in itself takes a lot of you being confident and humble. Being confident and humble, you have to humble yourself, you know, because when there's the disconnect for lack of a better word you know, um, they may not be sure of exactly where you're coming from. You know, they don't need necessarily the the hard hand. You know you have to nurture them. Through my coaching experience, of my athletics experience again, uh, you know, I learned some things, um, I'm going to give you a point of reference. I coached a kid, um, and he was one of the better players. So a lot of times I'd join the game, I'd be saying certain stuff and he'd'd be like Coach, that wasn't me. I didn't do that and I said yeah, but I said you, because I know if I say his name, I'm going to lose him for the rest of the game.

Speaker 1: 45:16

So I came up with this thing. I says Okay, so when I say your first name, I'm talking about somebody else. When I say your last name, I'm talking about somebody else. When I say your last name, I'm talking about you. So when I you know, when I said his first name, it's because somebody else making a mistake. But I needed them to hear it so that they could try to get it right.

Speaker 1: 45:34

When I was talking about him, something he did himself, I would use his last name. So I say that to say that you have to figure out ways to communicate, to get through to your son what you need to get through, like I say, and one of the things is to be humble, you know, because he's a man now in a lot of these cases he's a grown man with grown man responsibilities. You know he doesn't need to feel as though that you're still looking at him as a young boy. You know, and you have to communicate that your love for him, that you want the best for him. You know, and you have to admit that there are things that he's better at than you.

Speaker 2: 46:18

How's that for you, with your son?

Speaker 1: 46:21

With my son. It's really a wonderful thing. You know, jared and I have a very, very healthy relationship, as I just stated, that I tell him all the time what I feel he's better at than me, what he's done better than me as a dad, as a man, and it has allowed him to open up more to me, because he comes to me and he says dad, now I understand what you were saying. You know when you said this, with certain situations, you know, with time, with family and earning and things of that nature, you know, I see what you're saying. You know, and what he does is that we now can joke one another. I have a running joke with him, he can have a running joke with me, and it doesn't get chippy or we don't feel any kind of way, because we're back to love immediately. You know, because we know it's from the heart and it's pure.

Speaker 2: 47:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah, pure yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you feel like for you going to him and having the conversation that you had with him, having the conversation you have me having the conversation you have with sephora because they were all individual conversations do you feel like it made you a better man?

Speaker 1: 47:38

yeah, and yes, I, I think it made me a better man because, um, like I said, there are certain things that Jared has done in his life, and especially in his life as a father, that I am extremely proud of, and I felt compelled to tell him how proud I am of him for doing it and what I felt that he was better than me at. You know, I felt that he was better than me at. You know, and you know it's not always easy to tell someone that they're doing something better than you when you feel or you know that they thought that you know you didn't do such a great job, you know. So to see him do it better, in my estimation, and to let him know, I think meant the world to him and that means the world to me, yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:29

I love that. One thing I'm very grateful for about you as I start to round things down, is that as a father and with fatherhood, you have taken pleasure in humbling yourself to apologize, but you have not let that abdicate your role as a leader in our lives. It's not this, and you said it confidence and humility, right, it's not this head down, you know, I, I just you know, I'm just gonna be humble, I'm just glad to be here, kind of thing. It's like no, I've said, I've made my amends. Yeah, I'm still your dad, here's what I think. I'm not, you're not demanding, you've already said it all. But amends, yeah, I'm still your dad, here's what I think. I'm not, you're not demanding, you've already said it all. But you categorize it perfectly I'm not demanding, but I still have a role of authority in your life and I love you and I'm going to still protect you. I'm still going to be here for you.

Speaker 2: 49:21

And when I met my husband, you know telling him about what I could just never accept from a man because of my father, you know I'm like I can never be with a man who doesn't provide. I can never be with a man who doesn't protect. I can never be with a man who doesn't respect me? You know it doesn't respect my mind. You know my father has never made me feel like I'm not smart enough to advise anybody, including him. So why would I marry a man who acts like I can? You know and so much of the best decision I've ever made outside of following Christ is marrying my husband comes from how you not not necessarily raised me, but how you treated me and how you treat me to this day. So a year and a half ago, you know, you walked me down the aisle as I was shaking like a leaf yes, you were, and he was just whispering to me my dad's okay, you know, relax, relax breathe

Speaker 2: 50:15

breathe. Yes, that's what he's saying just breathe, just breathe. You know, uh, it's so funny because my dad could get really loud but he could also get really quiet and like, really has a. He has a very unique ability to help me to center, like when I'm really feeling, you know, hype about something, and my husband is the same way. They they bring me to center. So so far, I'm your first daughter to get married. We are calling on Jesus for a husband for my sister. But, um, how did it feel to give your daughter away? How did it feel giving me away to my husband?

Speaker 1: 50:51

well, shout out to my son-in-law. Uh, you know, meeting him first of all, hearing you talk about him and hearing you talk to your friends about him, and knowing that whole how, how some of that transpired, you know I was like, ok, you know, she, she kind of in a good space, you know she, she's heading in the direction that she, she's comfortable with. And then meeting him and actually just conversating with him, sometimes on the phone, and then meeting him, and then the way that he asked to be your husband, asked for you, asked of me, would I allow you to be his wife? You know it really was really nice. It was a throwback and showed the kind of individual he was, because when I tell people that story they say, wow, he really did that. You know he asked for your daughter's hand.

Speaker 1: 51:57

You know you went out and you guys talked and you met and you shared. You know about each other. So I, and then your glow, I knew you were in a good space. You know about each other. So I, I and then your glow, I knew you were in a good space, you know, and, and he hasn't let me down, you know he hasn't let me down and I know what. I know what I want to be and you're gonna smile and you're gonna laugh. You know how lucy may isaac was with me. Yes, in regards to your mom, that's what I want to be for your husband and you are.

Speaker 1: 52:26

His champion, I will always champion him. Yes, you know, now he's not perfect, nobody is but I will always champion him to you, you know.

Speaker 2: 52:37

And you do and you do. You know, what I love about you guys' relationship is I always joke with him. I say you know, and I used to come to new york and stuff, my father used to be like you, good, you need money or whatever.

Speaker 2: 52:49

the second I he met g he was like you, good, enjoy, all right, see you later because I used to come to new york and stay with my dad and, um, even on our first date, my dad took me, you know, and I was like on our second date I was like I don't feel like going. My dad was like you better go on that date, you better go on this date with this guy. Like he seems like a good guy. And so the amount of trust I remember when we got engaged. You know, some of y'all know the story my husband surprised me and my family down and all this stuff and did a party and I remember us all just crying so hard and I remember you just thanking him and just being like thank you, man.

Speaker 2: 53:24

Like in that, that memory I think about it often because your approval is so important to me. I could have never married a man that you didn't approve. I just couldn't have. Yeah, like that just would have never worked for my brain. You know what I mean. And, um, it is like youring him Even before we got married. It made me feel more ready to be a wife, like, okay, this is the right, I'm making the right decision. You know my mom too, who I feel like my mom, just, she just trained me to be an amazing wife Just watching her be a woman, but she was going to love him regardless. You know what I mean. She loved him as a man. You know men. Yes, you know. We had many conversations, exactly.

Speaker 2: 54:12

You know men and you've been telling me about men since I was old enough to have these types of conversations you know about the type of man I needed so for him to have your approval just really put my heart and mind at ease, and there's so many characteristics of you that I see in him, that I see in you know myself as well, but just so many characteristics that make me feel safe and protected in my marriage. I'm like, okay, yeah, this is the best thing, and so I always cherish the fact that we were long distance and he met up with my dad on his own, unbeknownst to me, you know to, to ask for my hand in marriage.

Speaker 1: 54:49

So I love that and, uh, you know, shout out to your mom. You know, uh, we've heard the story already earlier in in in the in the talk that, uh, her and I didn't make it as husband and wife, but shout out to to her. She gave me three healthy, beautiful kids and she did the heavy lifting. I say it all the time. I don't have no qualms about saying that that she did the heavy lifting with the kids and to this day, I don't think that she realized how much I appreciate her for that, you know. But that's the reality and she did an amazing job raising three kids at a time. You know that it was tough. You know, I'm sure it was tough for her being a single mom, you know.

Speaker 2: 55:38

Yeah, bed-stuy, brooklyn the 90s, you know, was no joke, but she did the best she could to um, raise us up in a way that that really taught us morals and principles. Um, I always saw people. I had the best of both worlds. You know, my mom would play, uh, r&b and gospel um, it's like soul music and gospel. And then my dad put me on to my hip hop and R&B roots, as well as all the soul and all the.

Speaker 2: 56:10

If you have been around me and heard me talk about music, you know how nerdy I get with who played what and all that. I get all that from my dad. All that comes from my dad. And I really feel like I had the best of both worlds in terms of parenting. And I'm feel like I had the best of both worlds in terms of parenting and I'm just grateful. I'm grateful for all the ways that you've grown and changed. You are a pleasure to have as a father. You are an incredible father of adults. You know, sometimes I tell people you may struggle to be a parent of young people. Right, that's just nature, right? I worry, I'm like, oh lord, help me, be patient, help me be kind, but I know I'll be a great parent of a teenager or adults, because I'm good at working with that age group.

Speaker 2: 56:52

You know, and I think that I'm just grateful that the lord, you know, has kept us all so that I feel like we are living in. We're living in our harvest season as a family. You know, when I tell people that I have a group chat with both my parents who are divorced, they're like what I'm like? Yeah, because they respect each other. You know what I mean. We ain't talking about nothing crazy in there, but every morning my father will send us an encouraging message, a spiritual message, something to encourage us and fortify our day.

Speaker 2: 57:22

You know, my sister-in-law sends pictures of my nephews and my brother. We send jokes and we send my sister sent pictures of the dog and if I'm on the, you know we just love each other. It's not every single, every five seconds, but there's a safe space and I know for a fact that anything was to happen to anybody, we will all show up and be there for each other. And I'm very, I'm insanely, aware of how much of a blessing that is, not just that we're all alive, but that we're unified. It is a blessing, and so into your fatherhood you may not have been as certain or as sure, but you've done a heck of a job and I really want you to know that.

Speaker 1: 58:05

I thank you for that. And you know, one of the greatest things about my fatherhood and my parenthood is that, no matter who I meet, when they talk about you, jared and Sephra, they tell me how amazing you guys are, how great of people you are, you know, and that, how beautiful people you are, that you're loving, caring, helpful, you know, respectful. You know nobody's ever come to me and told me anything about any one of my children that they seen them doing something crazy, even even child stuff. You know nobody. Oh, I heard jared cursing out in the street. Oh, I saw Alicia or Sephra hugging up on some boy. I'm talking about his youth, you know, and he's never adults and I've never heard anybody come to me and say anything crazy about that.

Speaker 1: 58:56

And you know, like you said, being in your life in the capacity that I was, you know a dad that wasn't in the home. You know a dad that wasn't in the home. You know I still see my input in each of you in a particular way. Like you said, I agree with you. You are the most like me in a lot of ways and I tell people all the time you have taken the best of me. You have taken the best of me and multiplied it a thousand times.

Speaker 2: 59:37

You're what I had hoped to be.

Speaker 1: 59:39

I wasn't going to do this, and I know that that is more to come from each of you in your own arenas, you know. But, like I said, the best qualities I have, you've taken them and multiplied them by the thousands, and for that I'm grateful. You know, I'd love to see you guys succeed my stage in life, and it's a beautiful thing. Now I'm going to smile. Now I'm going to get back to being, you know, um TV, strong, you know, but, but, but it's real. The tears and the emotions are real, and uh, and, and it's real coming from me. That's why these emotions are coming out.

Speaker 2: 1:00:41

Yeah, yeah, no, it's important, and all three of us just want to make both you and my mom proud. And I have my, the best sibling. My siblings are so much better people than I say this all the time. They're just better people. You know, I'm successful and I may be on the camera, whatever. My siblings are five star people. Yes, just you. My sister is so smart and so kind, so loving, so funny, so dependable, but just brilliant. She really is brilliant. My brother too, very smart, could do anything he puts his mind to.

Speaker 2: 1:01:19

There's no person on earth that I think could get through my brother to get to me. If someone's trying to get to me, they gotta get through my brother to get to me. And someone's trying to get to me, they got to get through my brother, my father, my husband, and they ain't getting through. They ain't getting through. And there's no one who could get through my brother to his kids, his wife he would scale a wall for those children and his wife. You know they are just good people.

Speaker 2: 1:01:48

I would pick my siblings in any lifetime, any lifetime. I wouldn't pick different siblings, um, and I just love them so much. And even our relationships are developing and growing, you know, yeah, and so it's a beautiful thing, you know, like you said, you know my mom didn't make it, but you created a beautiful legacy through the three of us and now the next generation of grandkids, which hopefully I'll be able to add to at some point. But we ask the question here at the end of our show and is in the grand scheme of things, what do you want your legacy to be? And so, for you, you know, when it's all said and done, what do you want your legacy to be?

Speaker 1: 1:02:23

That you know when it's all said and done, what do you want your legacy to be? That I help to build good people within my family, within my community and with the people that I interacted, build good people and that they could take our time together and impart that to their family, people, other people that they had worked with and their community. So, therefore, we will continue to uplift across the board.

Speaker 2: 1:03:04

Yeah, I love that. I think you've. I love that. I think you've already done that, so your legacy is well on its way and intact. Thank you for being here, thank you for doing this. I'll cherish this forever.

Speaker 1: 1:03:16

And thank you for having me again. Thank you to you and Holy Culture Radio. I love what you're doing and I can only believe that this is, as I said earlier, just a beginning for you. There's so much more that I believe you're going to accomplish and I pray that I'm here physically to see it, but also, I know, spiritually I'll know.

Speaker 2: 1:03:37

Yeah, I love you Dad.

Speaker 1: 1:03:39

I love you too, alicia, I love you.

Speaker 2: 1:03:41

So this has been another episode of. I'll Just Let Myself In With your Girlish Speaks. I love you, so this has been another episode of. I'll Just Let Myself In With your Girlish Speaks. Thank you so much for watching, for tuning in or for listening from wherever you are listening from, if you are joining us on Holy Culture Radio. Thank you for being part of the speakers there. Listen, I want to hear from you. Please leave us a review. Let us know how you're feeling about the podcast. Leave comments if you're watching us on YouTube. Leave comments if you're watching us on YouTube. Leave comments if you're looking at content on Holy Culture, because we want to hear from our audience.

Speaker 2: 1:04:15

We'll be here on Holy Culture every Monday night, 8 pm Eastern Standard Time, channel 140, sirius XM Radio. We'll also be on YouTube at our regular slots and on every podcasting app that is available to you at our regular slots as well. This month being Men's Mental Health Awareness Month, being the month of Father's Day, I want to continue to encourage my brothers out there to take your mental health seriously. I want to encourage the dads to be the father that God has ordained you to be. Your uh, your place is cemented in our communities and in our families, and we need you. Listen, I want to see you again, same time, same place next week. Thank you for joining us and I'll see you then. Peace, outro Music.