Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up everybody? It's Lish Speaks from. I'll Just Let Myself in the podcast Listen. If you're a regular here, you may have noticed that some weeks you don't get an episode, and that's because we're in collaboration with Holy Culture Radio and we play some of our previous episodes there some weeks. So on those weeks we've decided that we would give you a different form of content.

Speaker 1: 0:20

Over here On my YouTube channel, I have a series called the seven series, where I talk about seven things that I think about something, seven things that I'm changing, seven things that I'm learning, seven products that I'm using, even and we're going to be airing that content here for you on the weeks that we don't have a new podcast. So sit back, relax and listen to our seven series. What's up y'all? It's your girl, l Lish Speaks, and welcome back to my channel. If this is your first time here, I'm happy to have you. If you're back for another one, thanks for rocking with your girl. You could be anywhere in the world, but you choose to be here with me and I appreciate that. Listen, subscribe to the channel if you haven't already and hit the notification bell. I drop because I'm starting something new and it's called 7 Series.

Speaker 1: 1:04

In the 7 Series, I'm going to share seven things with you. Now. Those things may be lifestyle, they might be faith-based, they might be lessons that I learned and things that I wish I would have done better, but it'll be seven things that I think will benefit you and enhance your life. So check out the first installment of 7 Series For the first video I'm going to explore the seven rules I live by that keep me sane. Okay, so the first rule that I live by that keeps me sane is not going to be a surprise to you if you've watched me before, and that is I prioritize my time with God. You know life be lifeless. Things come out of nowhere, news comes out of nowhere, things hit you out of nowhere and I've realized, as I've gotten older especially, that when I start my day off with social media or news or even, sometime, a phone call from a person informing me of something that is important, but it's also stressucing or anxiety-inducing, I just don't tend to have a great day.

Speaker 1: 2:10

Now I recover, I do what I have to do, but I notice that it affects me. I notice that when I don't start off my day with God or prioritize specific time with God at some point throughout the day I really do suffer. Specific time with God. At some point throughout the day I really do suffer, and so for me, one life rule, non-negotiable rule that I have, is that I prioritize my time with God, and if y'all see me looking over, it's because I'm looking at notes that I took down because I wanted to really give y'all like the real things that I do. So for me, right, I love to pray, I love to read my Bible as well, but I love talking to God because I'm a yapper. I love to pray, I love to read my Bible as well, but I love talking to God because I'm a yapper. I love talking to y'all. I love talking to God.

Speaker 1: 2:47

I be talking, and so I start my day off in prayer, and half of my half of my prayer is still kind of sleepy, because I actually start my day off in prayer when my husband gets out of bed and my husband is an early riser he starts work before work needs to start so that he can be on point for the meeting that he leads to start his team for work, and so he gets up a bit earlier than me and he's quiet when he's around the room, but he wakes me up to kiss me before he goes to his office. I know it's very sweet, sometimes I'll be annoyed, but when he leaves the room to go to his office, I immediately start praying for him. So every morning I pray over his day, I pray over his life, I pray over his health, I pray favor over him and the dealings of his business and of his job, and I just pray for different things regarding him in that moment. Now, I ain't going to lie to y'all regarding him in that moment. Now, I ain't going to lie to y'all.

Speaker 1: 3:48

Sometimes I go back to sleep after that prayer, most of the time, but I do start with that prayer and then when I open my eyes, and even within that prayer, I obviously thank God for waking me up and all that jazz right. But when I open my eyes and I get up for real, I pray. I pray for my family, I pray for their well-being, I pray for my endeavors, I pray for whatever is pressing that day, things that I have to do and take care of, ways that I need to show up, whether it be for ministry or for well, this is ministry too for my social media, for my YouTube, for my podcast. I pray over all those things. My podcast I pray over all those things before I start my day and it really centers me because my first inclination to my shame is to grab my phone and go on social media when I wake up. My first inclination is to, you know, doom scroll for the first 20 minutes that I'm awake and send funny memes to my group chats and all that stuff. And there are days that I fail I'm not going to lie. There are days that I'm, I'm not going to lie. There are days that I'm like, oh, I'm on social media and I haven't prayed, you know. And I check myself and correct it. But nine times out of the ten I start my day with prayer and even if the morning is crazy, I make sure that sometime within my day I prioritize time with God, because I really struggle in life when I'm not making my relationship with God a priority. So that's one of my rules that helps me to stay sane.

Speaker 1: 5:10

Next up and these are not in any particular order after the first one, god had to come first. The rest of these come kind of how. I'm just saying them to you, how I wrote them down. But the second one is that I treat myself without guilt. Now this can go both ways, so we got to be careful. We got to be careful because this has messed me up in the past with certain things.

Speaker 1: 5:34

See, you can't treat yourself to everything without guilt that's another video for another day but I do emphasize treating myself, taking care of myself, giving myself the things that I need, not just to make me happy, but to make me well. Sometimes we think that treating ourselves means overindulging in food or overindulging in shopping, or overindulging in, you know, television or binge watching something. But sometimes treating yourself means treating yourself well, right, and giving yourself the things you need, whether it's skincare, food, whatever you you know green juice, whatever you need to feel well. And I do it without shame. I treat myself well, without guilt. I answer to one person in this life outside of God, and that is my husband, and if he's cool with me buying it, spending it, going there, not doing something, canceling, I'm cool with it. Okay, that's it, like you know, and I do it guilt-free. And the reason why I emphasize guilt-free is because a lot of times when we do what we need to do for ourselves, particularly as women, particularly as black women, we often feel like, oh, should I be spending this time doing something else, or should I have spent this money on something else? And sometimes there's wisdom to that. But sometimes you need to do what you need to do for you, and so I treat myself guilt-free.

Speaker 1: 7:01

The Bible says in John 10, 10 that Christ came so that we may have life and have it more abundantly, right and so, or have it to the full. Some versions say and so when I'm treating myself, when I need some things, I'm having life to the full and I don't feel no way about it. Okay, and neither should you, but that is one of my life rules. It's the thing, one of the things that keeps me sane. Okay, so number three is probably one of the most important lessons I have learned in my adulthood, and it is this I say no and I do not overcommit myself. This is a life hack. I can do a seven series on how to do this right, because we again I can't speak for other people, I only know women and I only know black women personally we overcommit, we will say yes and yes, and I'll try to make it and I'll try to do. I remember when I was younger, there used to be Saturdays where I would be going to two and three baby showers, a Bible study, a wedding. It's too much, it's too much. So now I err on the side of no, and then, if something changes, I pleasantly surprise people with hey, actually I can make it, and I've learned as well.

Speaker 1: 8:25

And this kind of goes back to the guilt-free treating yourself is you can treat yourself to your time. You can say no to somebody even if you don't have anything to do, because, guess what, you need times where you don't have anything to do. And let me just say this, especially for my newlywed girlies right, if you are newlywed and if you were a mover and shaker as a single person, right, you will be tempted to be a mover and shaker without your spouse. And so every function, every family event, everything, whether or not you guys have had a date night, whether or not you guys have been able to sit down and look each other in the eye all week, because you're working and he's working and everything, and you're running around no, I say no to things unabashedly. Now I've gotten to the point where no is a fault. No, I'm not coming. No, I can't do that.

Speaker 1: 9:13

When someone asks me to do something. I think about what it will require. You're asking me to perform at this thing or host this thing, but that's going to require rehearsals. I don't have time for that. That's going to require me being on Zoom calls and planning. I don't have time for that. So you know what Not to do you a disservice or myself, I'm going to gracefully bow out.

Speaker 1: 9:34

I do not over commit myself. And let me tell you, if this is something that you want to start practicing or need to start practicing, you better be okay with people not understanding it. You have to be okay with people not understanding, or people maybe at first being offended. Right, you might have to explain yourself a little bit more at first, but you have to be true to you. Now. I'm not saying don't ever deny yourself for people and do something. You know that you may not want to do, but most of us do a whole lot of that. Some of us I'm fortunate not to be in this category, but some of us spend 40 hours a week doing something we don't want to do. God forbid all weekend long. You also go do stuff you don't want to do. Make it make sense. Say no, stop over committing. This was a rule that certainly helped me to maintain my sanity.

Speaker 1: 10:25

Number four is letting go of perfectionism. Now I would love to say that I have mastered this. I have not. I have not. And a lot of us who are perfectionists are deceived. We don't think we are. I remember the first time somebody told me I was a perfectionist and I was like, no, I'm not. And I thought because there were, I'm an artist and I can be kind of flimsy and go with the flow that that meant that I wasn't a perfectionist. But it did not. I indeed am, in many areas of my life, a perfectionist, and when I finally realized that it was robbing me of my joy, I started asking God to help me to let go of perfectionism.

Speaker 1: 11:04

Striving for perfection is dope. It's a great thing to want to be excellent, right. But at the cost of your mental and emotional health. It's not worth it. At the cost of the health of your relationships, it's not worth it. And there are times and seasons where you need to push for everything to be perfect and excellent. Times and seasons where you need to push for everything to be perfect and excellent, and there are times and seasons where you need to let things be what they are. And so when I finally started to understand the difference between the two, I started to because, again, I'm still working on this let go of perfectionism.

Speaker 1: 11:36

I learned this lesson the hard way, baby, because I was so stressed out and overwhelmed that I was crying and couldn't explain why that I was always tired, that I felt like my creativity got snatched from me. I couldn't access it because if something wasn't perfect, I didn't feel like it was worth pursuing. Because if something wasn't perfect, I didn't feel like it was worth pursuing, and even if I pursued it, as soon as I saw a flaw I was ready to discard it. So it made me feel like, why try? And so once I finally began to get a handle on what was going on with me in this area of perfectionism, I felt a lot more joy in creating things and a lot more joy in doing the things that God has placed me on this earth to do. This rule certainly has helped me to keep my sanity Okay. So number five is a good one, and it is.

Speaker 1: 12:31

I laugh often, especially at myself. This is a rule that helps me stay sane because if you look at the last couple of rules I talked about about perfectionism and overcommitting and things like that. Those things can make you a very serious person. They can put you on edge, they can rob you of your joy. And what I found is that I make sure, no matter what I'm going through, no matter what I'm feeling, I find a reason to laugh almost every hour, like I don't play about my funny. Anyone who's in a group chat with me knows this.

Speaker 1: 13:10

I watch memes, reels. I watch TikTok. I'm going to laugh. I will go back and watch a sitcom that I love that has parts that I know are going to make me laugh, just to get my laugh on. And then when I do things and I make mistakes, when I say something crazy, when I do, when I think about an old embarrassing moment, I just laugh because it takes the heat off of it. It makes it not so serious if you can laugh at it. You know, finding things that bring you explicit joy, things that other people may not find funny or don't understand, but crack you up, is my favorite.

Speaker 1: 13:51

My sister and I we have so many inside jokes, from whether it's childhood, whether it's shows we used to watch, and we will send each other things. We will send each other a picture of our television screen if we're watching Living, single or Martin or whatever, and we could tell you exactly what's being said in that moment, because that's how much we know these shows, and it just brings some brightness to my day. And another thing about laughing at yourself it reminds you that your mistakes, your faux pas, your idiosyncrasies are okay. It is not the end of the world. It also makes you more pleasant to be around, because nothing is worse than someone who takes themselves too seriously. It's like, all right, calm down, it's not that serious, and so I laugh often. It takes very little to make me laugh and I laugh at myself because I need to be reminded that I don't hold all the world's problems.

Speaker 1: 14:50

Number six is this I stay active mentally and physically. You know, 2024 was a year where I really turned it up for myself in terms of my physical activity and I don't make a lot of content. And I won't make a lot of content around my physical appearance, because a boundary that I have is that I don't give people what I don't want them to have, because a boundary that I have is that I don't give people what I don't want them to have. So I will not give my audience the power to dictate how I feel about my body, because I don't want them to have that, but I will say this I did take very seriously what I feel like was a spiritual command for me to take care of my body, to move my body. I did lose a considerable amount of weight last year and I'm on track to continue to do the same this year, and I just remind myself to stay active, that it is a privilege. So some days that's a hardcore workout, some days that's just a walk, some days that's a 20 minute YouTube video, which I will link some of the videos I use below, and I try to just remind myself that doing something is better than doing nothing, and that really helps me, and I also remind myself that it's a privilege to be able to move my body.

Speaker 1: 16:04

There are people who want to do things physically that they are literally unable to do, and so I need to be grateful that I have this disability and that, and I need to use it, and so that that's my conviction on staying active physically. But staying active mentally, I think, is an area that many of us neglect, and it is something that I'm so passionate about and have been for all of my adulthood especially I really think on it, probably back through my childhood is engaging my mind. I'm a very curious person, and so, as a curious person, I want to know about things that people in my life might be like why do you even care about that? And the truth is, I don't know why I care, but I I do, and so I'm going to investigate that. And so, for me, staying active mentally means engaging my mind in things that make it better, and this doesn't mean you never veg out or you never have a day where you watch a bunch of garbage on TV, but it does mean that way more often than not, you are feeding yourself things that will make you better. So when I drive, I'm often listening to an audio book or a podcast or something that is information driven, because the more information you have, the more informed your decisions will be, and I make a lot of decisions day to day.

Speaker 1: 17:32

I make decisions regarding my personal life. I make decisions regarding my ministry work. I make decisions regarding my business. I make decisions regarding my personal life. I make decisions regarding my ministry work. I make decisions regarding my business. I make decisions regarding my marriage. I make decisions regarding my mental and emotional health. I make a lot of decisions, so the more informed I can be about those decisions, the better they will be, and so I try to stay very active mentally with the right things.

Speaker 1: 17:53

It's very easy to be active mentally with the wrong things right. Things like doom scrolling right, too much news right. There's a such thing as too much right, too much negativity. I think you know, staying active mentally can be doing a puzzle, it can be taking a walk, it can be going to a museum. These are all things that I do that help me to stay active mentally and truly. You know the best way, the way that I know best that I am being active mentally, is that I begin to feel creative, I begin to think of different ways of being and different ways of doing, and that really helps me to be active mentally and that really helps me to stay sane, truly. If you've watched this far, thank you so much for hanging out with me. Before I give you guys my last life rule, make sure you're subscribed to the channel, make sure that you click that notification bell and go ahead and give me that, like You've been here this long, go ahead and, like the video. Leave a comment below telling me the things that you are doing for your mental health and for your sanity.

Speaker 1: 18:58

Okay so, last but not least, number seven is that I give myself grace. It took me a very long time to learn this lesson. I've spent the majority of my adulthood being extremely hard on myself and others, and the truth is you can't give grace to others when you don't, when you don't give it to yourself. If you've ever encountered a person and I've been this person if you've ever encountered a person that is extremely hard on other people, you can bet your bottom dollar they are not gracious toward themselves. If you've ever met a person who doesn't think people deserve grace, it's because they don't think they deserve grace. Or, worse off, they don't think they need grace because they think they're perfect. Clock it Somebody just caught that. If you don't think people deserve grace, it might be because you don't think you need grace, because you believe you're getting it all right, and I can promise you you don't think people deserve grace. It might be because you don't think you need grace because you believe you're getting it all right, and I can promise you you ain't. But that's another video for another time I have learned.

Speaker 1: 20:05

I've learned to give myself a lot of grace, and this doesn't mean that I let myself off the hook for poor behavior, for overreactions, for mismanagement of my emotions or mismanagement of money or any good thing that God has given me. But it does mean I acknowledge and observe my humanity, that when I have a feeling that may be a little bit of an overreaction, I acknowledge why I'm having that feeling and I allow myself to accept whatever has caused that feeling, whatever childhood trauma, whatever rejection issues I'm feeling, whatever insecurity I might be feeling, I allow myself to acknowledge that. Right, I allow myself to be flawed, to have days where some of the things on my to-do list just don't get accomplished, don't even get tapped on. It's like I completely just blew that one. Right. I allow myself to have days where I don't get to call everybody back and I don't get to be everyone's sounding board. Right, I give myself the grace for that. I give myself the grace for when I mess up, right, when I drop the ball.

Speaker 1: 21:13

The other day, I had a call with a very important person and this, like, almost never happens to me because I'm so, like you know, on top of my schedule when it comes to business stuff. But I had a call. This was my first call with this person. Someone who is also very important connected me with this person, so they put also very important connected me with this person, so they put their reputation on the line to say, hey, you need to meet Lish. And you know we set up a call and I completely I actually was filming a YouTube video during the time I was supposed to be on the call and you know, the person reached out and they couldn't get me because my phone was on do not stir because I'm filming a YouTube video. And they reached out to my husband like, hey, is everything cool with Lish? She was supposed to be on this call. You know my guy reached out to me saying he couldn't get in contact with her. I was like you ever see one of those moments where your knees go weak? Like that's how I felt, because I'm like, oh, I've blown it. I was like I almost wanted to cry. That's how emotional I felt. My husband was like, hey, babe, it's okay, reach out to them, apologize, see when you can reschedule. The person was super gracious. We got on the phone within 10 minutes, had an amazing call, turns out they were from Brooklyn, so that wound up being lit and they graduated from the same college as my husband. So we had an incredible conversation and we've been working together, getting things going ever since.

Speaker 1: 22:39

But I had to give myself some grace in that moment and it reminded me of my human like. No matter how much of a boss babe you think you are, you're human. You forget things. Right? It wasn't in my calendar on my phone. I forgot to put it in my calendar, right? Because, again, if it's not in the calendar, it's not real. So I've had to learn to give myself grace.

Speaker 1: 23:24

Irresponsibility, my inability to show up the way I want to show up every single time, is a part of my humanity. It's what makes me who I am. It's what makes me need God, it's what makes me need his forgiveness, his love and his grace, and it allows me to calm down when I make a mistake and to push forward. And the truth is, the quicker you show yourself and others grace, the quicker you can get to the desired outcome. Right, because if you've messed up or someone wronged you, the whole point the reason that it hurts you or bothers you is because you have a different desired outcome. The longer you take to give yourself grace, the more you beat yourself up, the more you pine over how you messed up right, the less likely it is that you're going to get to your desired income.

Speaker 1: 24:06

When I realized, man, I missed this call.

Speaker 1: 24:08

If I would have spent the next two hours pining over the fact that I missed the call and crying over the fact that I missed the call and worried about the fact that I missed the call, if I would have spent the next two hours stressing about the fact that I missed the call, I would not have been able to reach out, and within five minutes we were on the phone. It wasn't that big of a deal, and sometimes things that are not that big of a deal to others and to God, we spend and waste time not forgiving ourselves, overthinking, you know, punishing ourselves when God can fix it in five minutes. And so I've learned to give myself grace. I've learned that there is space for taking responsibility and accountability, and there's also space for moving on. So I hope that this video helped you and encouraged you to get some rules of your own that help you keep your sanity.

Speaker 1: 25:04

I am reminded every day that my life is my choice. God has given me free will, he's given me the ability to make decisions, and I want to govern this life well, and so if you don't have some life rules, some things that you live by, that help you, I would encourage you to get some. Thanks so much for watching the first episode of our seven series. I hope this video encouraged you. I hope it helped you. I hope it gave you some ideas of some things you could be implementing in your life to help you stay sane. Listen, share in the comments. Let me know one of your life rules, one of the things you don't play about, one of the things you do to help keep your life on track, and I'll be happy to hear it. I hope that you learned something and that you decide to implement something, and I'll see you on the next one. Peace.