I'll Just Let Myself In
"I’ll Just Let Myself In" is an empowering new podcast dedicated to people who are ready to take a chance on themselves and forge their own path. Hosted by Lish Speaks, each episode explores personal stories, triumphs, and challenges of navigating industries from the “outside-in.” From entrepreneurship to career advancement, self-care to self-discovery, this podcast provides candid conversations, practical advice, and inspirational anecdotes to motivate listeners to embrace their identity, defy societal norms, and pursue their dreams unapologetically. Join us on this journey as we celebrate the strength and tenacity of our guest and hopefully ourselves! It's time to take a chance on yourself and Let Yourself In!
Video version available on the @lishspeaks Youtube channel
I'll Just Let Myself In
Unlearning and Redefining Masculinity - Into Men's Minds w/ The Men's Department
In this episode of "I'll Just Let Myself In" with Lish Speaks, I’m joined by Chris, Armani, and Dharius, the dynamic hosts of The Men's Department Podcast, for a deep dive Into Men's Minds. We explore the unique challenges, perspectives, and experiences of men today, touching on topics like mental health, relationships, and societal expectations.
This candid conversation offers valuable insights for both men and women alike. Tune in for an enlightening discussion that breaks down barriers and builds understanding!
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🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode on Holy Culture Radio!
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📘 Facebook: @LishSpeaks @MensDepartmentPodcast007
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There's just something about other men, whether it be daddy, uncle, best friends, whoever that can help him realize his potential. And let me tell you something, ladies, this is for you. They need that Because, let me tell you something, if everything good that a man has come from you, he will resent you for it. That's a whole nother podcast. I want to say hey brother, that's a whole nother podcast. I wanna say they need.
Speaker 1:They need to get to some things On their own, without you, without feeling like you made. You made them do it or you pushed them to do it. They need to come to their own conclusions About things or have other men Y'all look like y'all wanna say something. I just, I just wanna say.
Speaker 4:I wanna say that one thing, Cause you were right, Like y'all want to say something no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no way.
Speaker 1:Don't bring no drama my way. What's up? Everybody Welcome to. I'll Just Let Myself In the podcast, where we don't wait for an imaginary permission slip, we just go through our God-given doors. I'm your girl, lish Speaks, and if you're back here for another week, you already know that when you come on into this podcast, at the very least you're going to leave encouraged, but at the most you're going to leave after having a good time. And today's episode I know for a fact you're going to have a blast while listening to it, because I have three of the funniest men that I know on the podcast with me today. They host a podcast called the Men's Department, and we're going to talk to them a little bit about how that podcast came to be and ask them a couple of questions that I feel like only they are really qualified to answer. Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to give it up for Darius, chris and Armani the hosts of the Men's Department podcast Make some noise y'all what's poppin' like.
Speaker 1:What's crackin' like podcast make some noise, yeah, so listen they in here at our podcast. Um, I love to really help people see that they can be themselves and still be successful in the areas that god has set out in their lives for them to be successful in, and I think that the three of you are such a great example of that, because, the truth is, you don't compromise your personalities, your thoughts or your faith to hold the spaces that you hold, and so, whichever one of you want to answer even if all of you want to answer I kind of want to know a little bit about how the Men's Department podcast came to be. Who came up with the name? Like, how did y'all bring this together? And please introduce yourselves again. I let Armani start, yeah.
Speaker 3:So of course my name is Armani. Go by the moniker Armani LaDawn, or Afro, whichever Pretty Fro LaDawn. You know a number of things.
Speaker 1:The glasses are fly too. Don't listen.
Speaker 3:I see you, I appreciate it. So it really started because we were just, you know, we've been friends for a couple of years at this point and we just started having a number of conversations with each other and they challenged us. We helped each other open to new ideas, different ways of thinking about life, marriage, manhood, faith, kind of down the line, and we also just had a good time. So after a while we kind of figured, like you know, these conversations could help other people too and slowly but surely this idea came to fruition. Yeah, I technically did come up with the name the men's department.
Speaker 2:I know technically you did. You know what I wanted to name it A lot.
Speaker 3:No, let's not do that it's good.
Speaker 2:I want to know now, what did you want to say? No, no, no.
Speaker 1:It's crazy, but you gotta tell us.
Speaker 3:You don't want to lose your sponsorship.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:us really put it out there in the podcast basis because, like we realized that most men with mics yeah, men with mics, men, women mics, that's a hashtag, that alone should tell.
Speaker 2:But it was so saturated with nonsense and we're just like y'all are leaving so much on the table that y'all ain't talking about, and then the information that y'all are leaving so much on the table that y'all ain't talking about, and then the information that y'all are giving out is poor, it's just, it's the worst. Man, I got tired, we got tired of hearing it. So we were just like bro, let's we have these conversations anyway. So let's, let's change the stereotype. Yeah, like, let's be like the difference makers instead of complaining about it. Like, let's actually be a solution.
Speaker 4:I love that. I feel like a lot of those conversations was just sidebars. We always send each other posts and stuff like that. Then we just want to put something different in the lexicon. Instead of being shrouded in all this darkness.
Speaker 1:He's our resident TI. By the way, the lexicon shrouded All in all this darkness. He's our resident TI. By the way, the lexicon shrouded All in the first sentence.
Speaker 2:It's an educated brother.
Speaker 4:Thank you, jacqueline Brown, my mother, for making me sit in libraries the whole summer. I love it, but you know, just being just trying to be a light.
Speaker 1:Yeah, how do y'all know each other? Like, how did y'all meet?
Speaker 2:Not the side.
Speaker 4:I don't know. I'm gonna kick this one Alright. Alright, well, it started. I met. I met these gentlemen At church. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm saying I met.
Speaker 4:Oh, that sounds so wholesome. Chris Specifically Threw laughter At somebody Singing off key.
Speaker 1:I don't say his name.
Speaker 4:I believe that.
Speaker 1:Don't, don't, don't.
Speaker 4:But he was singing off key and we just kind of collectively like nah, bro, that ain't it, that ain't it. And he keep going. The spirit is not pleased. Bro, I'm telling you that's a joyful noise, look.
Speaker 1:Chris about to cry right now, thinking about it.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to tell you, and they kept letting him say it. But you know what I'm saying. But you know what I'm saying. It was just like you know what I'm saying. They was already going to the church that I was going to Back then. It was called GACC, but you know what I'm saying. I met them through that and I kind of later on met Armani. I saw Armani in passing because he was like this deep, dark, mysterious dude that was super cool and like mad light, but deep and dark.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying? You would see him. He would never be in the mix, he would just be outside the mix. It was like he was monitoring and I was just like hey, man.
Speaker 2:That's because I was his gateway to friendships. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, and I was just like this tall dude sitting over in the corner just like looking cool and elegant.
Speaker 4:You know what? I'm saying I was just like I'm finna go bother.
Speaker 1:That sounds about right. That sounds about right.
Speaker 2:And I think, me and Armani, we've been what Almost two decades now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, just about Like 17, 18 years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, cause I think we Met when I was what 16.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I was 16, I think you were at we met. It was at some dance convention, I think, when we first like yeah, that was probably like it was dance.
Speaker 3:I thought I met you at college.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, that was the second part.
Speaker 1:Does he you dance what?
Speaker 4:Nah, don't Him too. No, no, does he what?
Speaker 3:Nah, don't lay it on him, him too, no, no, what kind of dance.
Speaker 1:Like pop locking and all that crumping what was he doing?
Speaker 2:He did everything. It was mainly crump. For a while he was a choreographer for the group.
Speaker 4:Okay, so what y'all got to understand is.
Speaker 1:I know Chris as a dad, loving, doting. He has three amazing beautiful daughters. He's so cool. He brolic as a mug. He going to come to church in a tight shirt, he going to do that.
Speaker 4:He is coming in an Eddie Long shirt.
Speaker 3:That's OD, that's OD bro he going to make sure them, shoulders is popped.
Speaker 2:They just going to be there regardless.
Speaker 1:He said listen, you can't hide what the Lord has made. I was just saying, but I don't know you, as that's like funny, because people don't know me as a rapper. People are like you rap. I'm like, do I Right?
Speaker 2:But you just grow up and people. That's how we met and then, like we really started To build a friendship. When he was at Georgia State, I went to a completely Different college.
Speaker 4:I was up at AIU.
Speaker 1:Had no business being at.
Speaker 2:Georgia.
Speaker 4:State. Leave that where it is, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then that's when we started to like, really like get cool, cause we were in, like we were in what? The student center? Yeah, basically people watching and talking crap.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, talking crap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's all I'm talking about, right? And then started to really kind of cultivate their friendship. And then for a while he kind of like like up in smoke, just poof like Batman, and then came back around and then that's when, like the spiritual aspect of the friendship started to build, because he was reaching out to me, praying for me to get baptized, and stuff like that fast forward. Like he no, not, not even kidding bro like he, like armani, has seen a lot of my highs, a whole lot of my lows, uh, a lot of bullets dodged the matrix bro dog dog nickname you neo.
Speaker 3:I'm trying, I'm trying.
Speaker 2:I told you but he, um, yeah, he's the one that like, studied the Bible with me, baptized me and like really started to build that, um, that relationship with God. And then the rest was history man Been locked in, that was it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, let's talk about men's relationships, um, and how they can contribute to mental health, right? Because you know me and my friends my other friends who are wives we joke all the time about our husband's best friends, right? Like we'll be like my husband talks to his best friend four times a year, once a quarter, Can't tell you nothing about their marriage, their kid, nothing. But that's their best friend, right, and it's a common joke with women.
Speaker 1:You know, but kid nothing, but that's their best friend, right, and it's a common joke with women. But the truth is I really do feel like the level, the depth of connection that a lot of guys have when the rubber meets the road is something very, very special. So talk about a time in you guys' relationships where maybe one of you pulled the other one out from some mess or you just had a rough conversation, you had a rough day and you needed to have a breakdown, like how do you guys' relationships, or even relationships with other guys, y'all know foster that safe space?
Speaker 2:What example are we going to use?
Speaker 3:Yes, I know.
Speaker 4:All right, I go. You know what I'm saying. Just a little something. You know what I mean? It's just like I feel like even with Chris I think it was on the way, when he was on his way to getting married, that's what it kind of was like. Well, we got close. You know what I'm saying Because you know what I'm saying it was like all our friend group was like da-da-da-da-da-da-da, everybody was getting married, married.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying yeah, you got married before him.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah yeah, you know what I'm saying. So, and it was just like we were just starting to have more and more in-depth conversation, talking about, you know, the other side, and I'm just telling about, hey, on this side of the fence, and he was talking about getting there, and it's just like, you know, I feel like he play yourself down a lot. He don't know how wise he is, and I was just like, well, nah, you got it bro you know what I'm saying it's just just keep going.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying? It's like it's not as deep as we would like to.
Speaker 4:We don't have to be perfect you know what I'm saying and I feel like that's something that I always try to tell all my friends like, hey, man, I I know what you're going through. I ain't finna judge you because what you're going through, I ain't gonna judge you because what you're going through, I just we ain't perfect. I mess up, you mess up, we mess up. It's just the thing that is the best part to be is just be here for each other yeah, when we do that.
Speaker 4:I might not, can't keep keep you from slipping and falling, but I can't help you up, right? You know what I'm saying. I feel like that's the thing that I try to do with all my friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I love that. It reminds me of that song Help me be the best man I can be. That's good, that's good, you had an example of him. You said which example.
Speaker 2:No, because I was like because there's been times where it's like, before we even record our podcast, somebody may come in the room after like a traumatic event or just having that rough day, and like we would probably be set to shoot at one o'clock, but we don't, won't start the episode until like what, 2 30, because like that whole like section beforehand is like therapy. Yeah, it's like we're giving each other that space to like grieve, cry, like, do whatever it is that you got to do. Yeah, and we allow time for that because it's like, bruh, there's no time frame to place on how you're feeling right now. It's like if you're not in a good headspace right now, my guy, take that time. We're not going to pry. We're not going to pry anything about you. Whatever you feel like you want to share, share it and then we'll address it as need be, because we're going to pry?
Speaker 1:Don't tell us nothing.
Speaker 2:I need every detail, the amount of times I have a conversation with these jokers, and then my wife will ask me all right, what about this?
Speaker 3:that, oh my god, what is that?
Speaker 1:could somebody help me understand that? Is it that okay? Is it that y'all don't care about the details, or is it that? What is it?
Speaker 4:I think for me it ain't as much about the detail, it's just being there that's it, you know what I'm saying, that's what it. I don't think the absence of the detail don't take away from me being there for my friend.
Speaker 2:Correct and I feel like if it's important for you to share you'll share it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oftentimes, I think it's a way to kind of bring it together. It's about the bottom line. Yep, you know what I'm saying. It's like at the end of this, are you okay? Yeah, or how did it end? That's what matters. Yeah, we half the time don't care how we got here.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, it's kind of like okay, you had a rough day. It's like it is what it is, but now we're here and now I'm going to sit here in the mud with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah care about so it's you know, kind of, as chris said, a little bit it's like if, if it's important, you'll share it, yeah, and my husband is nodding like, yeah, yo, that's what I'll be trying to tell you.
Speaker 1:So it ain't just me right yeah so that's good, though I like that that the bottom line is are you good? Yeah, and I think that's really an amazing definition of brotherhood, because the truth is, you know, sometime, even as a wife, I'm learning this, like, pushing for all that detail and all that, sometime it takes away from the person actually sharing yeah, it's like you asking me too many questions, you know, but when you just let a man share you, you often get, like you said, what you need to know and it doesn't push the person to think, even with women too, because we're not all, you know, the same.
Speaker 1:Um, I know I don't like to be asked a million questions and I'm just like, okay, what do you want, you know? So it's easier if I just share it on my own volition. So I think that's that's pretty dope. I always talk about how men and women are two sides of the personality of god right, and I think that the attention to detail that women pay to things is like god right.
Speaker 1:He knows the number of hairs on our head, that's a that's a feminine trait you know, but if was so detail-oriented, the way we are, he would not be able to overlook our sin, the way that he did.
Speaker 4:That's a man trait.
Speaker 1:That's what y'all show Like when I think about how gracious my husband is toward me about things. I see, god, I'm like that's God, because the way that God overlooks our sin is how men are. It's like we all. Good bro, y'all can have a knock-down, drag-out fight 20 minutes later y'all good, I'm just about throwing blows.
Speaker 2:Hey bro, you hungry Right.
Speaker 1:And I just feel like man. I really do see the beauty in the brotherhood. You know what I? Mean because of people who really try to forgive each other, love each other, be there for each other, like, show up for each other. It's super important, alright. So y'all been friends for a long time Y'all since teens, y'all since before y'all's married. Right, without being too embarrassing, what's the biggest change that y'all seen in each other and anybody can go? What's the biggest change you can look at.
Speaker 2:The hair. Everybody had low cuts when we first met.
Speaker 3:Straight up Every single hair Straight up.
Speaker 4:Wow, yeah, it's the hair. I mean, I just cut my hair, but you know.
Speaker 1:You had lock soup Nah.
Speaker 3:Bigger fro.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I just had a bigger afro.
Speaker 3:I had a bad hair experience and I lost a lot of it, so I had to go back and level it all out. But yeah, that's really big trip.
Speaker 4:Hair. Okay, anybody else I'll say watching people. I'm an observer so I pay attention to people and the way they move, the way they act, the way they think, stuff like that. I say attitudes and differences in manhood. I feel like I watch. These two people have kids you know what I'm saying and to see how caring and loving and how much they pour into their kids is one thing that you never really think. That's what they would be. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:He was mean bro, but to see that he was misunderstood.
Speaker 4:He wasn't mean how loving he is to his children and how much time he takes, and sometimes I feel like he's too hard on himself about times he missed, but the thing is he's there all the time. You know what I'm saying and just like with Chris, you see it, you know what I'm saying With his girls and how much of a more of a man he don't became. You know what I'm saying Because it's like that grow you up, when you have kids.
Speaker 4:It'll either mold you to be better or the more you become worse. Right and to actually see these guys lean into their manhood. On that side of the game, it's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1:I love it. Darius, are you the encouraging friend? Yeah, I can hear it, because you done said he too hard on himself. He too hard on himself. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Speaker 4:In his own way. I'm kidding.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding In his own way.
Speaker 4:I mean I have my way. Sometimes I'm rough with my love you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I wouldn't say that I think you're appropriate. Yeah, as part of who you are, one of the things that I would say I've seen how you develop. You were very much so like outcast joker, like I'm going to make this a good time kind of thing, and it's like you see him in so many ways become the big brother in the room. Yep, it's like when he's in the room he is the great sage kind of a thing.
Speaker 3:Yes, not just from like oh, I understand spirituality. He's like I understand life, like I've been through more than you can understand, and not saying that in a way to hold it over anybody, but like and obviously he wouldn't say that, but it's like he carries it with him, he carries that experience, he carries what he's learned and what he's been through and he does it really well. So you know, not afraid to talk to anybody, not afraid to give you what you need to hear. So often, people in relationships, when they try to guide someone else, they try to be nice about it, and that's where he's talking about. Sometimes it's a little rough, it's like no, you give people what they need to hear. They need to be prepared to receive it.
Speaker 1:I love how affirming y'all are towards one another. This is beautiful. You know what I'm saying. This is why this is the men with the mics that we need to have the mics.
Speaker 4:For the mics. Okay, so we pass the test. We're going to have mics. We're going to have mics. You know what?
Speaker 1:I'm saying let's talk about men with mics for a second.
Speaker 2:Because we, you know what I'm saying. Let's talk about men with mics for a second.
Speaker 3:You alluded to it earlier.
Speaker 1:It's just messy. It's messy. And let me tell you something as a woman, I get nervous when someone sends me a clip of a male podcast because I feel like there are so many ways I could be triggered. I could be triggered, especially when I was single. I could be triggered about my singleness. I could be triggered about my skin tone being dark. I could be triggered about my singleness. I could be triggered about my skin tone being dark. I could be triggered about being overweight. I could be triggered about social, certain socioeconomic, like the the the the talk about women.
Speaker 1:I'm like do y'all want to sleep with each other?
Speaker 2:Cause we literally said that I'm like y'all hate, y'all hate women Like I hate women.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so as three married men, right Men who?
Speaker 4:you know, we love women, who love women right.
Speaker 3:I love my woman. Period. There you go I had love for women.
Speaker 4:I hope y'all get to experience what I'm experiencing.
Speaker 3:She felt her eyes.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you know what?
Speaker 2:I'm talking about Pierce his soul just in. Yeah, his wife is in the room.
Speaker 4:Yeah, don't.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm there, edit that out, put the rings up. Put the rings up. I got on the log. Take it, ladies. You know what?
Speaker 4:I'm saying I feel like a lot of times it's just like men they searching through their insecurities and trying to make the world mold to that. You know what I'm saying. They trying to get women to mold to feed their insecurities instead of going inside themselves and you know, kind of clear the room. Sometimes you got to go ahead and clear the space and start over. The way you were raised is not the way you should continue in this life. There's some things you have to unlearn.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying and a lot of things. Most of us, we come from the 90s generation, so you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Humps and the bumps you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:Stuff like that and it was very hyper-sexual, hyper-go-get-money, and that's what rules and dictates relationships. But now we, more as men, we're learning more about we should be feeling, we should be thinking and we should be thinking through our feelings, as we are. Common contact with the opposite sex, agreed, and a lot of times where those guys they are used to reacting instead of responding to that yeah that's good yeah, yeah, um, I'll go after you, oh for sure.
Speaker 3:Well, good stuff. Uh, first off, um to kind of add to it, I would say people, I feel like a lot of these people on you know, these red pill, incel type podcasts. They're searching for masculinity as well boy, and they're just regurgitating what they've believed masculinity to be. What?
Speaker 3:they believe manhood to be, and it's just the basic. If you have money, then you're a man because you can pay for something which gives you the authority to command a woman the way that you want. This is why all these men know exactly how a woman should behave without ever stepping foot in their shoes because like man, all they're doing is sharing preferences and, quite frankly, one of our last episode we talked about it.
Speaker 3:It's like the idea that a lot of people on social media and these relationship podcasts, all they really want are sponsors and slaves.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's just like okay, that was a great episode, by the way, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we felt good about it once we wrapped, too, it was like that was amazing, yeah, and I think too that like, um, this is all we talked about on one of our other episodes too.
Speaker 3:A lot of people a lot of men operate in this alpha male mindset, which in itself is that that's a fallacy, like that's not, that's not a thing.
Speaker 2:Like you can't take something that was generated within an animal kingdom and then try to add that to to humans. Yeah, like, if you're trying to adopt this mindset, you're making yourself very linear, yeah, you're making yourself one-sided. And to have a God that created the vastness of this earth in all aspects, things that are rigid, things that are soft, for you to think that you're only one-dimensional is like a slap in the face, almost.
Speaker 4:Right, it's like you're spitting that God creation for real.
Speaker 2:You're spitting that God's creation because I'm like being a Genetically manhood in itself is very much, so much more dynamic than what people think yes yeah, and something to add to it, something darius uh said in our episode that we were talking about.
Speaker 3:That that always stuck with me is that people will talk about the idea of like, oh, alpha, beta, sigmas and whatever, and they paint this picture like if you're not an alpha male you're less than nothing and darius said he was just like there's power in both, there's power and all like there's a time to have like that alpha male mamba mentality, whatever you want to call it like focus about things, but then there's a there's a point in time where it's going to call for you to be passive in this moment and display what everybody is characterizing as beta traits, and you're doing it for the betterment of not just yourself but those around you, and it's about having the wisdom to know when to be what how to do it and all that.
Speaker 2:I'm like if somebody stepping up in your spot, by all means go ahead and be alpha by all means go ahead you and be alpha.
Speaker 3:By all means, go ahead and buck up. You know, lay hands on them. You're the correction of the Lord.
Speaker 4:Smitteth. You know what.
Speaker 1:I'm saying no, it's true, it's true Even for me as someone people would consider alpha female or a strong woman. I think you know it gets to be exhausting trying to, trying to only be one way and I think with as women, we very much understand that even if you're a strong woman, if you're a boss, if you're an executive, you're whatever right, you still want to come home and you want to have someone's shoulder to lean on, you want to be able to cry, you want to be able to let your emotions out.
Speaker 1:I think it's so important for us to and this is what I always tell women right, men are human beings if you're strong, yeah you're strong and if you're a boss and you're all this stuff, but you still need to have a breakdown and you still need time to rest and you still need space to not have to be everything to everyone, what makes us think that they don't need that? You know, and so for me you know. And let me tell you something I feel, seen I've not always been enlightened. Mazen will tell you I had toxic masculinity stuff about me when we met.
Speaker 4:Didn't we say that, didn't we say that I'm telling you yeah, we were supposed to be here, I did.
Speaker 1:It can happen to y'all too, I definitely did. I definitely felt like we just went on a cabin trip with some of our friends and we were talking about this because the way that I was brought up we were raised in the 90s- this is when rappers had whole families and would tell the world. They were single. It was not cool to be a family man.
Speaker 1:Also it was not cool to show your emotions. People needed to think, especially where I grew up. I grew up in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn. At that time, if someone said something to you, knock them out.
Speaker 3:It wasn't no, talk about your feelings With men, especially you know, and so in my mind I always.
Speaker 1:And then my father is very masculine, you know, he worked in law enforcement very masculine. My brother also very aggressive, even though it's so funny, because my brother is like the sweetest guy in the world, but he will lay you out. Leave those be the ones. Leave those be the ones, even though it's so funny, because my brother is like the sweetest guy in the world, but he will lay you out clean.
Speaker 3:Those be the ones.
Speaker 4:Please those be the ones, those be the ones, my dad too, Very affectionate.
Speaker 1:I grew up my father was very affectionate, loved me, you know, but he'll lay you out. You know what I mean. And so, in my mind, if a man doesn't or didn't present a certain way, I question if he could protect me. I question if a person grew up differently than me, which my husband did, you know. I question like well, had they been through enough to make them, you know, a protector and a provider?
Speaker 3:And you know, I had to learn.
Speaker 1:And again, this is the hood mentality. The only difference between the way my husband grew up is that he had a mother and a father in the house. Right, he had a mother in the house. Right, he had a mother in the house. He had a father in the house. They owned their home. I grew up in a single parent home. We rented spaces right. That alone made me be like alright, but is he like?
Speaker 3:is he like a macho Like? Is he strong enough?
Speaker 1:Now that I think about it, I'm like yo. That's toxic, like I thought, because a man had a dad.
Speaker 2:He was so I was like what's wrong with me? I was going to say we also had. I ain't have no father. We had that conversation when y'all was at the crib last time. Yes, we did I told her I was like gee, that's my boy. He may look like a teddy bear, but a teddy bear is still a bear. That's what he said to me.
Speaker 3:Remember that he said a teddy bear is.
Speaker 1:remember that and my husband over you know our dating and our marriage obviously has shown me. I always tell him he's the manliest man I know because he has taught me that manhood takes care of business manhood does what? My husband tells me he's gonna do something. It gets done.
Speaker 1:I don't think about it. I don't even have to think about it, I don't have to ask him hey, did you do it done? You know, when I have a need, even an unspoken need, he's on top of it. You know I'm like how did you know? He's like I just I got this thing for you, this is what you needed. Um, when I have a dream, he supports it. These are the things. And he he often like jokes. He's like see, a toxic masculine man wouldn't be doing this for you right now you ain't lying, though, because he would have too much pride.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing that. I'm not, you know, doing that, you know, and I just appreciate growth in myself, and I often tell women that's the humanity, and I never thought about the way you said it, chris, but I love that. If God himself created things that are both rough and soft, who are we to think that we should be one way or think that someone else should only be one way? You know, and I we to think that we should be one way or think that someone else should only be one way? You know, and I think another beautiful thing that I always tell people one of the most you know masculine things that a man can do to protect and provide for you is to make sure you don't have to worry about him. I don't have to worry about my husband crashing out because someone stepped on his foot or because someone made a you know off comment.
Speaker 1:he's just, he's just going to knock him out. You know, now I got to bail you out somewhere and you know what I mean you might lose your job, Like I don't have to worry about that and the guys that I liked in the past and thought that were so masculine and whatever certified crash outs.
Speaker 4:Like.
Speaker 1:I always was having to calm them down. I was one of them. You. You don't want to live like that as a married woman. That's cute when you're 20. Yeah, when you're 30-something, you don't want to be having to calm somebody down all the time.
Speaker 4:My wife changed me.
Speaker 1:You know, yes, yes, yes, your wife got a little crash out in her too, though Don't play for her, oh no. Trust me, I believe you, I ain't going to sully my wife no.
Speaker 2:I wasn't bro, when it's time to get down, with the get downs, listen my husband got crashed out on him too.
Speaker 1:But the beautiful thing is they? Have they reserve and I didn't know. Again, he's changed me. I can reserve. He has helped me be like yo. You don't have to be that upset about that. Like, this person is a strong. I'll be mad if somebody don't hold a, if somebody don't say thank you. When I hold a door I'm like you're welcome. He's like baby, it's okay, snatch them back out the door, I'll be ready to crash I'll grab them and bring them back out.
Speaker 3:I'll close the door back and be like nah open it yourself.
Speaker 1:You need a partner who can help you to have some restraint you know, and I just appreciate. I appreciate that. Yeah, I appreciate that. All right, so as we're talking about, you know, misconceptions about men and masculinity and all this stuff, we're most likely going to air this during the month of February, which is the month of love right.
Speaker 3:Fantastic, fantastic Black history.
Speaker 1:Yes, and black history and black history period. Um, you know I was born prematurely during black history, mom, so a lot of my friends joke like you just could, you just had to be a part of it. You already know okay, but I was born almost two months early, oh dang I was in an incubator for about a month. I was an early baby, ahead of my time.
Speaker 3:We're happy you're here.
Speaker 1:But I really would love for you guys, as three black married men, to give some big brotherly advice. Don't say nothing, that's going to get you canceled, but big brotherly advice to women and let me just say this, because sometimes women can be like well, who said every?
Speaker 2:woman don't want to be married.
Speaker 1:Every woman don't need a man. If that ain't you, this advice is not for you, right?
Speaker 2:Told you Exactly.
Speaker 1:For the single women who do want to be married, who do want to be led in that way, spiritually even, or who just are at their wit's end about why relationships keep not working out for them. I want each of you to answer this what is a piece of advice that you would give, let's say, your own little sister? She's in her 20s, 30s maybe, and just love ain't happening for her. What piece of advice would you give her?
Speaker 3:Who would like? To?
Speaker 2:go. First I want to say I can actually um, because my my wife and I we've talked about this, uh, like early on, like in marriage and just like within our relationship. Um, I'll give some advice that she'll normally give to to somebody, like enjoy your singleness, don't look at it as a burden. Um, look at it as a time of self-discovery, look at it as a time of getting to know yourself and a time to understand that, like, you're whole even if you're single. Yeah, because a lot of people look to relationships to get their needs met or to strictly just receive or they're looking to to fill a hole.
Speaker 2:Um, in some shape, form or fashion we have to. We have too many people that like get into these relationships strictly just to get their needs met and not looking to to meet needs because, like if you're.
Speaker 3:If you're looking for somebody to like, complete you, you're gonna be looking for that you'll never be for, like for the rest of your life, like that's just not for the rest of your life, not just not realistic yeah, so that's a great answer yeah, the only person you were truly meant for was god.
Speaker 3:Yep, that's it. Um, I always look at it or I've grown to look at it like this as finding true love is about becoming the person that you are supposed to be Becoming, the person of your dreams. What that looks like and we're not talking about monetary value, we're talking about character. Be the person you want to be. Yes, yes, yes. As you continue to grow, you will find someone worthy of your time.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 3:Because unfortunately you can, when you go so long poor relationship, pick poor, whatever happened. You are the common denominator and here's the thing that works on both sides. So it's not like, oh, that's just's the thing that that works on both sides. So it's not like, oh, that's just a woman thing that works on both sides. If all your relationships are failing, you are the common denominator. You need to start focusing inward work on yourself. As you do that, your boundaries will start becoming clear yeah.
Speaker 3:You start limiting access to yourself to just any and everybody, not saying that, that's exactly what you were doing, but you start screening people more Become, more discerning. Yep, you know. So, as that happens, I think you will start finding yourself potentially going to places you didn't normally go. You start accepting interactions you wouldn't normally interact. You start accepting um interactions you wouldn't normally interact because your mind has now grown.
Speaker 3:You've unlearned and you've you've grown wiser on what to expect, even from what you said in your past, like you thought a man was like this. And then, as you learned that manhood and masculinity is more dynamic than what you initially thought, the how you approach your interactions with men moving forward are different. You start recognizing things as being childish, immature, lacking self-control, but these were the things that you used to say oh, this is peak masculinity, you know. Know, that's that wisdom coming, that's that growth coming. You have to have that for yourself because somebody of value you'll crash out. They don't want to deal with that when they're at a certain point in their life.
Speaker 3:You don't have discipline, you're not considerate of others, you constantly are misleading.
Speaker 1:You're not in touch with your emotions at all. You're not considerate of others. You constantly are misleading, not in touch with your emotions at all. You're perfectly abusive.
Speaker 3:They're not going to deal with that, Even recently. This is not exactly the same, but I feel like this goes into it. There's an artist who talked about an experience she had with J Cole.
Speaker 1:that came out yes, Money Long.
Speaker 3:I loved it because that's kind of how maturity works.
Speaker 1:She was talking about how he came into a room. She was in with another songwriter and she started kind of like complaining about, you know, somebody else.
Speaker 3:And J.
Speaker 1:Cole just got up and walked out the room and she was saying how you know, he didn't try to change her mind, didn't make her feel bad, but she could just tell like he wasn't on that type of time.
Speaker 2:And it's true, when you're mature there's a certain thing you're just not going to put up with it, you're not.
Speaker 3:I think it's the same thing with relationships it is Truly.
Speaker 4:I feel like people should know that relationships are more about the intangible than the tangible. I feel like people need to. It's kind of like a cumulative action of what y'all just said. It's like you have to think about we, this society teaches us to think about what a person can give you physically. You know I'm saying monetarily, all that stuff like that but at the same time, it's just like yo, most of the things that I get from my wife that sustains me, most of the things that I get from my friends that sustain me, are all intangible things.
Speaker 4:True, you know I'm saying there's things that I wouldn't even think about, that I need. You know I'm saying a, a, a loving hand. You know I'm saying um, um, just somebody sitting in in the in the mud with me. You know I'm saying that somebody, you know I'm saying, willing to hear me out and allow me space to be heard. Yeah, you know I'm saying that ain't nothing money can buy. You know I'm saying that's all about wisdom, growth, unlearning and reconfiguring. Yeah, you know I saying in order to be the better person. That's like what y'all said man, in your singleness, become the best version of you. Become the person that God set you out on this earth to be.
Speaker 4:And then everything else it'll work itself out. It ain't geared towards just relationship through marriage. It's geared toward just being relational.
Speaker 1:You- know what I'm saying. And if you're not a good friend, you'll be a terrible spouse. You're going to be a terrible spouse.
Speaker 4:You just go and throw it all away. And that's the beautiful thing about humanity. You know what I'm saying and I feel like that's the reason why God gave us our humanity. He didn't just create us to be spirit beings. He allowed us to have this flesh, to go through this life and experience the, the growth and rebirth yeah that just the trials and tribulations to make us who we are that we'll be able to be the links and the chains for everybody around yeah, yeah, because even for oh go ahead no I was gonna say because, even for like for someone like my single homies, like I've told them Times before, it's like Unless you're ready To give, like selflessly.
Speaker 3:Like a hundred percent Of the time.
Speaker 2:You not ready.
Speaker 1:For a relationship.
Speaker 2:Cause, it's not.
Speaker 1:But do you think Anyone is really Okay?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no one is really ready when they get married and I'm not I'm not saying that In a way that you have to have it All together Like right in front, but you gotta be willing, you gotta have the desire you gotta be willing to evolve. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Cause the thing is and this is a Blue lock reference, I don't know who Watch anime out here, who watch this, but you know what I'm saying? It's kind of like. It's just like he sees things and he breaks them down in the moment and he reconfigures himself to be able to meet the need of that situation. And I feel like, as men and women, we have to always be ready to break down. What we thought was right is wrong in this moment. So let me break this down, and break it down through the lens of hearing what they're saying, versus feeling what a person's saying to me, because a lot of times we feel what we?
Speaker 4:we go through a feeling and that may be a past feeling that somebody injured you in, and that ain't what they're saying to you. They're actually reaching out for something for you to give. It ain't what you feeling. You know what I'm saying, so therefore, you have to just really be open to be constantly evolving.
Speaker 1:It's true, I saw this influencer I can't remember her name right now, we'll put it in in post but she said you know, I'm willing to go to war about my man, I'm willing to go to war about mine. She said, but it ain't the type of war you think it is. It's not war against you know me fighting another woman it you know me fighting another woman.
Speaker 3:It's a war against myself.
Speaker 4:It's a war against my anxiety. It's a war against me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she broke it down. I love that because the truth is, you know people, especially women, I love us, but we really be thinking we perfect Bruh, and not only do men need to change Bruh, you know.
Speaker 4:Say that out loud.
Speaker 3:It's true, I'm going to need you to say it louder.
Speaker 4:Say it louder For the people across the street in the back of their house, because they need to hear it.
Speaker 3:One of the things.
Speaker 1:I had to be very clear about with myself and I think my husband is very appreciative because he tells me this. Like I don't put on him what's not on him. If I feel insecure about something and he says something that may have triggered that, I will tell him hey, what you said triggered this in me, but this is my work, you didn't do anything wrong. I want you to know what triggered me so that you don't keep saying it, but I know that this is my work.
Speaker 1:I have insecurities around. There are certain topics that I just have insecurities around them. I'm a very confident woman, but there are certain things they just trigger me. I need to talk to the lady, right? Like we just got to figure it out. That's what therapy, right? But a lot of times I'll say women, cause I'm a woman, but I'm sure guys do this too. We will try to give somebody something that's like you made me feel this way and you don't make me feel loved and you don't make me, and it's like no, no, no, there's inner work. You're not willing to go to war with yourself, so you're trying to go to war with me about something that I can't fix for you.
Speaker 4:You know what I mean. That's a fact.
Speaker 1:And I think that one of the biggest you know services I did for myself was one therapy before I was married, but two Armando, you alluded to this I really did become the woman of my dreams. I really am the woman of my dreams.
Speaker 4:Like I love who I am.
Speaker 1:I really do the self-work so that Because here's the thing If you're not happy, nobody can make you happy.
Speaker 3:Thank you. I guess, for me being single for so long, I learned because here's the thing if you're not happy, nobody can make you happy.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you, you know, and I guess for me, being single for so long, I learned that, like you can probably relate to my like just when you're single for a long time as a woman, you really get like, oh yeah, girl, you gonna have to make you happy because, one, he may not be coming and two, you don't know when he's coming, so you're just gonna be unhappy till he comes. So I was like um, baby, we going, we out. I went to africa several times. I'll travel wherever I wanted to go. I never spent the birthday in the states.
Speaker 1:I'm out, like you know what I mean like no husband, you know, I was like listen, whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. I'm gonna buy what I want to buy. I'm gonna go where I want to go. I'm gonna read the books I want to read. I really started working on like the parts of my character that I didn't like.
Speaker 1:I'm like you don't even like this about you, so chances that someone else will are probably slim to none, most of my friends were married, so instead of me looking at that and being like jealous, I started using them as a master class, and they can tell you so I'd be sitting with my friends and something would happen between them and their husband and I would be like, hey, can y'all help me understand how y'all just because they would like argue and then get over it real quick and I knew I didn't have that.
Speaker 1:I was petty, I knew I didn't have that. Unscrew the tops off the sauce Like I would watch my friends, my two best friends in particular. So I have two male best friends and. I'm best friends with their wives as well. I was best friends with one of the wives first.
Speaker 1:We're all best friends yeah yeah, yeah, and one of them I see more often than the other, but anytime I was in their home as a single woman, I would go stay with them for the weekend or whatever, and I would just watch them. And then I would just ask you know one of the couples, I would learn from them. Okay, y'all like are very organized. Like wifey cooks, husband cleans If the husband cooks, wife cleans, he cooks, husband cleans If the husband cooks wife cleans, you know, before we even sit down for dinner.
Speaker 1:she got the food, the leftovers in the Tupperware for them to take to lunch tomorrow and they don't spend a certain amount of money past this a week and when they spend a certain amount of money they run through it with each other. I was learning that eight, nine years before I got married, just from watching them and asking them questions, the other friends that I talked about, who would get into like a little spat and then be fine. Two seconds later I would ask them okay, so how do y'all get over things?
Speaker 2:so quick, like what just happened just now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what just happened, because I'm sitting here, like you know, like I would not talk to you for the next two days if you said that to me, you know. But guess what, I don't do that in my marriage. You know why? Guess what I don't do that in my marriage, you know why Because. I learned so. So many of the things that I have on right and I believe that my husband has on right in our marriage is because we really did the work as single people to be people who we like.
Speaker 1:And let me tell you the cutest thing he says. My husband has said a lot of cute things to me, but when we were first getting to know each other I told him I like you, you treat me like I treat myself, you know, because I dote on myself. I will tell myself. You know I spoil myself. What I want I get. For the most part I'm like you work hard. And he said I just treat you like I treat myself Just like that. Wow.
Speaker 3:And I thought to myself I can marry this man. You know what I'm saying you know, because it's the truth.
Speaker 1:If he's treating me like he thinks I want to be treated, eventually it's going to end. You can only pretend for so long.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:But the fact that he said at that time, I treat you like I treat myself, and now it has been shown I'm like this is why this works, Because we worked on ourselves.
Speaker 4:I think you just dropped a jewel and I just want this jewel to shine. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:It's just like and I say this all the time if that person don't love themselves, they can't love you Nope, Because and that's why all this inner work and all this stuff that we're talking about makes sense it's just like if you never took the time out to get to know yourself, and just like you talked about going out and experiencing the world as a single person and stuff like that. But a lot of people don't take that time no man, no woman they just wait. No, and that's why we got all these podcasts out here and these women's out here talking about sponsorship and slavery yeah, you know because that's all they want to do.
Speaker 4:They feel oppressed by the things that they're trying to achieve and they don't get to experience this life fully because they're trying to go through that yeah, door, they wait for that person, wait for that person and it's just like nah, bro, the person that you need to be trying to get in contact with is inside you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go find jesus somebody and a counselor quickly and some melatonin. I got two more questions for you. Go ahead.
Speaker 2:No, I want to say. I want to say, on a lighter note, I'm going to say sis, if you're looking for somebody, don't overlook the dude that might be a little bit younger than you.
Speaker 1:Yes, tell your story. Yeah, that's right, tell your story.
Speaker 4:Come on now, this club crew right here, I'm saying, I'm saying they about even I'm a cool guy, I'm just saying. Wife got 70 years on, your boy. They got a little bit more seasoning on them.
Speaker 2:They said they was looking for some little young Thundercats and they got them. So I'm just trying to tell you she got in her purse. Good, not the candy, the little strawberry wrappers in the bottom of the bag. Bruh.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to tell you Don't do Ashley's.
Speaker 4:I'll do something new, werther's. You know what I'm saying the gold packs.
Speaker 2:Bruh, I'm trying to tell you Nah, my wife ain't that much older than me.
Speaker 4:Nah, nah, nah. My wife got seven years on me dog, I got four years on, my husband, my wife got four on me.
Speaker 2:You know what I'm saying I love it. Don't be afraid.
Speaker 4:Step up to one of them older. You know sisters, you know what I'm saying, Because they got something for you.
Speaker 2:Right, and I will tell you this have your stuff together, because these are grown women out here, these some grown women out here.
Speaker 4:They not about to take no mess. They paying their own bills, they going out the country. You come up there with your little He-Man lunch box and with your Capri Sun and all that and talking about, you want to make a home when you can't. You out here eating sandwiches, cutting hair, because when I first got baptized, like my now wife and I.
Speaker 2:We were part of like the same, like small group, and it was like I saw her and immediately thought that's a woman. I ain't got no chance, cause at that time like I'm still working, like at I'm still working three different jobs, could barely afford rent, cell phone and transportation on the bus. So if I paid for two of those one of those wasn't, that wouldn't happen in that month, that bus ride wouldn't finish.
Speaker 2:I was about to get real strong in these legs walking everywhere. You see how big his legs is Walking up the hills. This is struggle, this is struggle, this is struggle. So I was like, if I ain't got Myself together, I'm not about to bring that Into somebody else's Spot.
Speaker 3:And like If only people Thought like that, though my husband's talking About that all the time.
Speaker 2:You see, I consider it. You were, that's true. How?
Speaker 4:many people Would have been like I'm about to.
Speaker 2:I'm about to go. I'm about to go, I'm about to go holler at him.
Speaker 1:Come on, bro, I'm not going to do that he talks all the time about how, if I had met him like a year and a half before, he's like I wouldn't even have the confidence to approach you because my life wasn't together, not at all, and I love it I love it.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you something Don't sleep on the younger guys, but make sure that they one are mature in Christ. And two have mature men in their lives who they will listen to, because you can have them in your life. But if you don't listen to them, then what's the point?
Speaker 4:right, ain't no point. Shout out to Coach Joe.
Speaker 1:And also women too. Men, don't be marrying no woman who ain't got no women in her life who could tell her to sit down.
Speaker 4:Because my best friends will tell me to sit down.
Speaker 1:Tell my best friends will tell me to sit down. Tell me I'm doing too much. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I need to apologize.
Speaker 3:Tell me I need to stop Big facts.
Speaker 1:As women, we need that. You can't just have a whole corner, yeah girl yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be single Nah.
Speaker 4:If all her friends got on clown outfits. Just know you, finna, join the circus Bruh.
Speaker 2:Before we got married, I went and talked to every last one of her friends. Like yo, this is what I'm trying to do. I talked to Jawan, I talked to Chiggy, I talked to Karen. I spoke with Dana.
Speaker 1:He got the names Listen.
Speaker 2:I spoke with the whole crew.
Speaker 1:I said wait, you say who your friends is I love it.
Speaker 4:I really do love it.
Speaker 1:Listen as we get ready to close out. I got a couple more questions for y'all. Let's do it, the podcast, the Men's Department, I think is really a great call to men to have their time together, their space together.
Speaker 4:When you think, about what you want men to understand about themselves. From listening to your podcast, what comes to mind for y'all? I feel like we want men to just think and then know about themselves that, like bro, this, you could be multifaceted.
Speaker 2:That right there.
Speaker 4:It's okay to not try. It's not a finite definition to your masculinity.
Speaker 4:You're going to have to learn how to go with the ebbs and flows. You know what I'm saying, because that's what manhood is. It's just like yo, every situation don't call for for, like we said, rigidness, hardness. I gotta come soft, just like, if my wife need me, I got to soften up you know what I'm saying and approach her the way that's gonna be loving and my friends need me. I know when to cut on, I know when to cut off, I know when to sit there and shut up, and I know how to show up in different um atmospheres.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying and learn to be. You know what I'm saying. Allow us to help y'all learn. It is okay to you could be the thermostat sometimes and you could be the thermometer sometimes. You have to just read the room you know what I'm saying, and sometimes you have to change the room.
Speaker 3:So for sure so uh, kind of going with that, I would say I would want people to understand, or I want men to understand specifically, that you are not, nor do you have to be, what other people say. You are you no different? We talked about it. You listen to people on social media. You listen to men. Tell you what men are supposed to be doing. You listen to women tell you what men are supposed to be doing and what you're supposed to be like. You don't have to be any of that. You have to be who you were created to be. Within that, you will find your masculinity as the best version of yourself. Now, of course, in continuation with that, you still do have to put in the work.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying. Like, this isn't about sweeping things under the rug. This isn't about just rolling with the punches. Absolutely, there's going to be moments for that, and we talked about it on one of our episodes before compartmentalization compartmentalization is useful, but it becomes a hindrance when you don't go back and unpack, yeah, what you compartmentalize. So like, do what you have to do to get done, what needs to get done in your life. You know, of course, you got to go to you, you got to have a job, you to go to work, you got to take care of what you got to take care of. But don't neglect yourself. Don't neglect your growth as an individual, because the better version that you are as an individual, the better man you are, the better you're not only going to be for yourself.
Speaker 3:The better servant you're going to be for God, the better friend you're not only going to be for yourself, the better servant you're going to be for god, the better friend you're going to be for your loved ones, the better husband you could be to your wife, father, etc. You affect everything when you are the best, most healthy version of yourself.
Speaker 2:Yep, agreed and I think, um, going back to to scripture, like it was stated that god said it's not good for man to be alone, like, of course, with like having a wife and all that type of stuff, but also just having a group of men around you, um, that are gonna challenge you, that are gonna comfort you, that are gonna be there for you. Because a lot of people have this mentality, like I'm a self-made man, like I'm gonna do this by myself, no, no no, no, no such thing, no such thing, there is no such thing.
Speaker 2:Um, you are not, nor do you have to be, by yourself. Like again going back, what we were saying is like if you're looking to date somebody and they ain't got no friends around them, don't do it same thing goes.
Speaker 2:For us, it's like if you don't have anybody that's like consistently there to uplift you, to challenge you, to change the way that you think about some things, you you're not, you're not gonna grow in this life. Yeah, you're gonna be very miserable and it's just not gonna be a good look. So for us, we encourage friendships, uh, we encourage brotherhoods, we encourage being around people that think differently than you do that are going to better you in some shape, form or fashion, because you don't have all the answers you never will you have to have somebody that brings a different type of and friendship is so important.
Speaker 1:I think my husband has a friend who I joke and I say I tell the friend if y'all would have ever fall out. And my husband has a friend who if I I joke and I say I tell the friend if y'all would ever fall out and my husband was too prideful to like apologize, I would call you and be like bro, y'all gotta make up like what? Because he just he helps my husband in a way that I can't right. I feel like as women you know, we can bring a man to about 80, maybe even 90 of where he needs to be in terms of like helping him change things or rethink things. Right, we're definitely the reason you know if a man is heterosexual, he will change.
Speaker 1:For a woman, most likely right. But there's a 10% that he can only go, a 20% in my mind that he can only get from other men. There's just something about other men, whether it be daddy, uncle, best friends, whoever that can help him realize his potential. And let me tell you something, ladies, this is for you. They need that because, let me tell you something, if everything good that a man has come from you, he will resent you for it.
Speaker 1:That's a whole another podcast they need to get to some things on their own, without you, without feeling like you made them do it or you pushed them to do it. They need to come to their own conclusions about things or have other men y'all look like y'all want to say something. I just want to say.
Speaker 2:I want to say that one thing because you were right because, and this is something I always think about, and I just like, bro, don't ever.
Speaker 4:If all your pleasure come from your woman, you are living a life at half mass. You know what I'm saying? Because the thing it is, I I feel like and I think Louis Farrakhan said this if the only pleasure you find and seek and feel good about comes from your woman, you are missing out on what God intended you to be. It's about when you pull the things out that God put on your heart and mind and bring them into creation, into fruition. That's when your real pleasure come out and that's when your friends and come out, and that's when your friends and all that and your confidence and everything skyrocket, because it make you be more of a pleasure to be around. You know what I'm saying, men are builders.
Speaker 1:They need to build something on their own. You can encourage and inspire, but if you built it and you forced it and you made it, he will. I'm telling y'all what I know, okay he will resent you at some point, and this is why you need to.
Speaker 1:I push my husband toward his friend. It's your friend's birthday. Don't forget to call. Don't forget. You know what I mean, because I need that friendship to be good for you, so that and also, if you bugging and thugging, I need to call. I need to be able to call somebody and say yo come get your boy, come get your boy.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:And I think that's super important, and so I love the fact that you guys have created a space, are continuing to cultivate a space to really help men see that there's a place for them. And even when you think about the men's department of a store, the men's department of a store has many different things. You're going to see lounge wear and sleep wear. You're going to see golf wear. You're going to see suits.
Speaker 3:You're going to see shoes. You're going to see sneakers.
Speaker 1:It's not just one thing right You're going to see lots of different things in that department. There may be a barbershop in there. There may be a place for you to go get yourself shaved A little bourbon corner.
Speaker 3:Right, a little cigar corner.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. There's going to be areas for a man to get everything he needs. And so my vision and what I see when I listen to your podcast, when I watch you all interact, I really do see a space where men can come to get their needs met. And so I just want to say you know on camera that I'm proud of y'all. I want to give y'all flowers. What y'all doing is so special. It's so important to the world, but really also to the body of Christ. Anything that I can do to elevate what y'all got going on, please don't hesitate to call, let me know I want to be involved and I just appreciate what y'all do.
Speaker 1:We ask a question here at the end of our show and I do want all of y'all to answer it, and the question is, in the grand scheme of things what do you want your legacy to be?
Speaker 4:Man, that's a good question. Well, I'm about to say, hey, take your time. Hey, I'm about to say ooh, I thought I had a preloaded answer, but I had to reconfigure it. That's why it shattered.
Speaker 3:My goal has been the same since I was like 22, 23. My goal is to inspire. That is what I want my legacy to be at all times. I want to leave something behind that can inspire people after I'm gone. I want to be able to inspire multiple generations with what I do, of course, with the interactions that I have with people. I want this to be a chain reaction. I want to have a conversation, somebody to watch our podcast or whatever. I do a photo shoot with people or whatever the case looks like, and they are so blessed by what God has put in me that it affects how they move in relationships, moving forward. They can duplicate that and now, all of a sudden, the goodness of God is following in multiple different ways through a conversation or interaction that they have with me. That kind of inspiration, and especially if I can inspire them to God, that's the kind of legacy that I want.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:I think for myself. I want people to know that I am and was a servant, because I feel like that's a multifaceted thing. When people look at my marriage, I want them to see that I serve my wife oh, you do. I want them to see that I serve my children like. I want them to see that I serve my wife oh, you do. I want them to see that I serve my children like. I want them to see that I serve my church, I serve my brothers, um, I serve at work, in whatever facet that is, and I want that to encourage other people to be able to do the same, um, because they. I feel like it can oftentimes be misunderstood that, like if you're just solely giving all the time, that you're not receiving anything. No, no, scripture says those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed, like at the same time. So I always try to lead with that and if nobody remembers anything else about me, remember that I served and that I love the Lord. That's it.
Speaker 2:I love it Amen Amen.
Speaker 3:I'll the Lord, that's it I love it.
Speaker 4:Amen. I'll say this. I'll say this I want my legacy to be is that I just wanted my gift. I found my gift and my purpose and my purpose was to utilize my gift and my purpose was to utilize my gift. I knew that God gave me the gift to speak and inspire and encourage. I aim to encourage. You know what I'm saying. I feel like that's what I want you know what I'm saying for people to know. And then I want for that to encourage them to find their gifts and keep giving. I want to be able to use what I have, that God given me, my God-given talent to inspire other people to go get their God-given talent, so it can just be paid for, because I feel like that's all God put us here for each other.
Speaker 4:You know what I'm saying, and that's the beautiful part about this life we get to be here for each other. So find your gift and spend your whole life giving it away. Leave nothing on the court.
Speaker 1:Leave nothing on the table. I love that. That was great. Guys, listen, tell the people where they can find you personally if you want to give your personal social media but if not just the men's department social media Any upcoming things you guys got coming up that you want the people to know yeah, For as long as it's going to be around.
Speaker 3:we on TikTok.
Speaker 2:For like three more days.
Speaker 3:TikTok. Yeah, we're on TikTok. The men's department at the men's department. Ig at the men's department underscore. You can reach out to us the men's department underscore. You can reach out to us the men's department 007 at gmail.
Speaker 1:We'll tag all this stuff in there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, feel free, send us ideas, give us comments, like, share, subscribe, like, join the conversation, join us. Yeah, we're also on YouTube, the men's department we're on just about everywhere you can find Podcasts listening. Yeah, the men's department Just hit us up, it's a black and gold logo.
Speaker 2:I'm going to give Armand his personal.
Speaker 4:Instagram away. You know what I'm saying because I want y'all to tap in with this brother he talented on the photo side of the game. I call him. Fatochi Lenzo. You know what I'm saying. It's underscore, afro dad, underscore, dad, underscore. But you can also reach him at AH Denzel. You know what I'm saying? It's underscore Afro Dan, underscore, dan, underscore. But, you can also reach him at AH.
Speaker 1:Where's that at?
Speaker 4:What?
Speaker 3:Oh, no more so if you want to connect with me in reference to photography is at captured by dot AHM on IG is my business AHM photographyH-M Photography.
Speaker 4:Look at that out there. Don't be holding that. I wasn't trying to hold nothing in this is about the boys.
Speaker 3:This is a beautiful thing. I love it.
Speaker 1:We will have all this information in the description of this video and we'll make sure that people are able to find. You guys Listen. I am so grateful that you guys were able to do this episode with me here. I'll just let myself in. As you guys know, the whole premise is if you can let yourself into a space, that means the mechanism to open the door is available to you or the door itself is open. That means the key might be under the mat or inside the rock and you may have to do a little bit of work to get in, but you can let yourself in we're not waiting for a seat at the table.
Speaker 1:We're not waiting for anyone to give us an imaginary permission slip. We are going through our God-given doors. I am so grateful that you took the time to listen to this episode or to watch this episode, wherever you found it. I want to encourage you to like to subscribe, to leave us comments, to leave us a review, tell us what you think. I also want to encourage you to catch us on Holy Culture Radio at 8 pm Eastern Standard Time, channel 140 on Sirius XM every single Monday night.
Speaker 1:If you're new here and you've never written to us, go ahead and write this down. Speakers at LishSpeakscom is how you get in touch with us and let us know what you like, what you don't like, what you want to hear, what ideas you have. I'd be happy to read your letters and your thanks online. I'd also be happy to answer any questions. If you got a little spicy situation going on and you need advice and you want to know what I think, send that to me at speakers at lishspeakscom. I want to thank you so much again, like I said, for watching this episode, and I want to encourage you so much again, like I said, for watching this episode and I want to encourage you to check back with us next week, same time, same place. I'll just let myself and what your girlish speaks, and we out peace.
Speaker 4:Don't bring no drama my way. Don't bring no drama my way. Bye.